PatchoMcGee
New Here
Hello! New here.
Hoping to find some friends/support group who understand CPTSD.
Some stuff about me and what brings me here: I and my 3 brothers grew up with a Sadistic Personality Disorder mother (DSM3, entry now removed so I guess we have to call her a BPD witch type, per Christine Lawson's "Understanding the Borderline Mother"), an enmeshed terrified stepdad, and a diagnosed NPD father. The physical and mental abuse at mom's house was extreme, and the rare visits to NPD dad's house were syrupy manipulative narcissism and sexual molestation.
I fit best in Pete Walker's "CPTSD" book as "flight/freeze" and learned how to be a codependent as an adult. I've been in weekly counseling for over 10 years--my first counselor stopped counseling when he took an administrative job at a college. I thought I'd be ok, but started having severe panic attacks that got even worse as my inner terrorist critic launched into overdrive. I sought out another counselor, and figured in today's computer world I could find one anywhere that would be best suited to my issues (I live in a really, really small town--to say options are limited is an understatement). I found a counselor in Georgia and for the past 5 years we've done online therapy. She talked me into 2mg of diazepam every 3 days to stave off panic attacks, for which I am grateful, but recently when I finally started feeling comfortable enough with her to start really digging into the cptsd issues, which are flaring up again--my international wholesale business of 28 years is failing and I'm pretty stressed out, which triggers the emotional flashbacks--she told me that flashbacks are "just a decision to wallow in", that I'm feeling sorry for myself and just need to get some exercise. I'm kind of steaming that I've paid $100 an hour weekly for years to a counselor that obviously has no idea what the hell she's doing. But at least that's one less expense while my income dwindles.
So I'm here to meet some folks who also are looking to heal and improve their lives. Yeah, sometimes I want to gripe about the dirtbags who left me with this baggage I can't seem to leave behind, but mostly I want to discuss moving forward, ways to manage the unfair legacy, and some help here and there with pointing out when we're all falling down the rabbit hole and can't see it.
Thanks for having me.
Hoping to find some friends/support group who understand CPTSD.
Some stuff about me and what brings me here: I and my 3 brothers grew up with a Sadistic Personality Disorder mother (DSM3, entry now removed so I guess we have to call her a BPD witch type, per Christine Lawson's "Understanding the Borderline Mother"), an enmeshed terrified stepdad, and a diagnosed NPD father. The physical and mental abuse at mom's house was extreme, and the rare visits to NPD dad's house were syrupy manipulative narcissism and sexual molestation.
I fit best in Pete Walker's "CPTSD" book as "flight/freeze" and learned how to be a codependent as an adult. I've been in weekly counseling for over 10 years--my first counselor stopped counseling when he took an administrative job at a college. I thought I'd be ok, but started having severe panic attacks that got even worse as my inner terrorist critic launched into overdrive. I sought out another counselor, and figured in today's computer world I could find one anywhere that would be best suited to my issues (I live in a really, really small town--to say options are limited is an understatement). I found a counselor in Georgia and for the past 5 years we've done online therapy. She talked me into 2mg of diazepam every 3 days to stave off panic attacks, for which I am grateful, but recently when I finally started feeling comfortable enough with her to start really digging into the cptsd issues, which are flaring up again--my international wholesale business of 28 years is failing and I'm pretty stressed out, which triggers the emotional flashbacks--she told me that flashbacks are "just a decision to wallow in", that I'm feeling sorry for myself and just need to get some exercise. I'm kind of steaming that I've paid $100 an hour weekly for years to a counselor that obviously has no idea what the hell she's doing. But at least that's one less expense while my income dwindles.
So I'm here to meet some folks who also are looking to heal and improve their lives. Yeah, sometimes I want to gripe about the dirtbags who left me with this baggage I can't seem to leave behind, but mostly I want to discuss moving forward, ways to manage the unfair legacy, and some help here and there with pointing out when we're all falling down the rabbit hole and can't see it.
Thanks for having me.
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