Dartaniam345
New Here
I've ended up believing that I might not even deserve a life out of my familiar contest.
Growing up I always felt shamed, always got shouted at for little things to the point I feel as if I'm just an automaton incapable of thinking and acting for himself.
Acting for myself would just cause me and everyone around me problems.
Then I somehow managed to change school and finally make a decision for my future by myself.
I've tasted what acting for myself is and I can't get enough of it.
But one after another, all of the plans I had fell. Like seeds in a salty soil.
I still think of myself as a dumb automaton. Not deserving of anything out of my original shell. This, I found, ampers me a great deal due to fears, lack of self confidence and generally not healthy behaviours.
Isolation, dissociation and all that.
But I know what freedom tastes like, I want more of it. Bit still can't make it despite all of my tries.
Growing up I always felt shamed, always got shouted at for little things to the point I feel as if I'm just an automaton incapable of thinking and acting for himself.
Acting for myself would just cause me and everyone around me problems.
Then I somehow managed to change school and finally make a decision for my future by myself.
I've tasted what acting for myself is and I can't get enough of it.
But one after another, all of the plans I had fell. Like seeds in a salty soil.
I still think of myself as a dumb automaton. Not deserving of anything out of my original shell. This, I found, ampers me a great deal due to fears, lack of self confidence and generally not healthy behaviours.
Isolation, dissociation and all that.
But I know what freedom tastes like, I want more of it. Bit still can't make it despite all of my tries.