Justmehere
Sponsor
An asshole stalker and scammer is really after me. It's a massively triggery situation. I've mentioned this guy before as a friend, then not a friend, then... well, it turned out, he's a really bad guy. But it's hard to see at first, and that's what is driving me up the wall. I'm struggling to tell what he's done to me. Police, courts, lawyers, etc, etc. I get really animated? or numb. One of the hardest things is that he continues to say God told him to help me, and he saved my life by doing xyz things for me (none of them things he did, nor would it have been helpful if he did them.) Some people actually believe him. Some say they have seen it now too, and omg it's maddening. None of this is not a commentary on religion, I have my own faith. This isn't about changing anyone else. I have NO DOUBT no God told him to do any of this. He's an asshole using religion to f*ck around. (Sorry I can't write about it without frustration and swearing yet, and I think God can deal with that just fine.)
This is about my head. I'm getting really angry and twisted up at myself, and trying to figure out how to talk myself through it. I have a decade of fear based reactions to the words "I will help you." Now this asshat... totally my nightmare coming true. People want to help me handle it, or they just don't believe me, because "he is trying to help you."
It's the people part I'm all mixed up about. The thoughts in my head about me. Where it lands is that I hate me for every little thing I can find wrong with me, because that means vulmnerabilty and that means... this hell. I don't really have much to draw on where help was safe.
This is about my head. I'm getting really angry and twisted up at myself, and trying to figure out how to talk myself through it. I have a decade of fear based reactions to the words "I will help you." Now this asshat... totally my nightmare coming true. People want to help me handle it, or they just don't believe me, because "he is trying to help you."
It's the people part I'm all mixed up about. The thoughts in my head about me. Where it lands is that I hate me for every little thing I can find wrong with me, because that means vulmnerabilty and that means... this hell. I don't really have much to draw on where help was safe.