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Do You Remember Why It Started?

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9eisios

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I seem to experience at least depersonalization. I've read that it can originate from even emotional abuse. I vaguely remember my family being foul. They often were, I just don't recall a formative trauma, or much of anything from childhood. I apologize for asking anyone to relive anything. I feel I'm making it up because I have no coherent timeline to extract from. Absolutely nothing feels consistent between self, activity or remembering. Can one simply not remember ptsd trauma material and be affected so much on the daily? I don't function like [neurotypical?] people around me. It's like I'm preadolescent or low iq, but I feel myself deep down being neither nor. However, I "look fine," so people draw those conclusions anyway. Kinda venting. Thanks
 
It's common of early trauma to be all patched and hidden that way. Are you in therapy? If these feelings are continuously bothering you and interfering with your life it would be good to do something about it.
 
I get how you feel a little bit for sure. The questions your asking seem like you'd like to figure something out. I learned a lot about myself Journaling.
 
This is pretty indicative of repressed trauma... but not conclusive obviously. Do you want to find out? Do you have a therapist who can help you unravel whatever is there to remember or not?
I want to. It would be vital for control. Between discouraging setbacks with operators, professionals and depression, I give up from exhaustion and observe my own thoughts for guidance. I do want the right therapy. What's your take on dissenters to the idea of repressed trauma? The science community is divided on it which doesn't help me take myself seriously.
It's common of early trauma to be all patched and hidden that way. Are you in therapy? If these feelings are continuously bothering you and interfering with your life it would be good to do something about it.
Formerly. The therapist had to refer me elsewhere. Took months. I'd given up on them by that point. Willing to retry if I can get it right. Do you have a helpful therapist? What methods do they apply?
Can you get a therapist/counselor? It sounds like you need to talk things through with a professional. What's your support network like, family/friends?
I've tried a few. Many here I'm afraid don't deal with dissociative features and fall back on the sit-and-talk model with superficial input. I could branch out my search. I don't trust family or most friends with this. They normalize harmful stereotypes.
I get how you feel a little bit for sure. The questions your asking seem like you'd like to figure something out. I learned a lot about myself Journaling.
I would like to decode it. What did journaling do to help you learn?
 
I seem to experience at least depersonalization. I've read that it can originate from even emotional abuse. I vaguely remember my family being foul. They often were, I just don't recall a formative trauma, or much of anything from childhood. I apologize for asking anyone to relive anything. I feel I'm making it up because I have no coherent timeline to extract from. Absolutely nothing feels consistent between self, activity or remembering. Can one simply not remember ptsd trauma material and be affected so much on the daily? I don't function like [neurotypical?] people around me. It's like I'm preadolescent or low iq, but I feel myself deep down being neither nor. However, I "look fine," so people draw those conclusions anyway. Kinda venting. Thanks
Trauma and abuse/depression can affect our sense of identity and how old we feel we are. It can make us regress and act/behave differently as if we were younger. I mean I'm in my mid 40's but sometimes I feel quite childlike with my emotions. I can also put on a brave face and "act well" but I'm not.

I hope that you can find help. My counselor isn't a trauma therapist but still he's exceptional and it still helps alot. Best wishes to you. 😀
 
@9eisios so, I would free write. Just throw up. Really had to center as best I could and be focused on allowing it to be free. It took time getting used to letting it flow.

But soon enough I'd pick up on patterns or interesting things I said about my insides that provoked more questions more journaling and so on.

Does that make sense?
 
@9eisios so, I would free write. Just throw up. Really had to center as best I could and be focused on allowing it to be free. It took time getting used to letting it flow.

But soon enough I'd pick up on patterns or interesting things I said about my insides that provoked more questions more journaling and so on.

Does that make sense?
Yes. And it helps. I'll give it a go. By the way, I started this thread to ask about experiences that lead this to happening to people. I couldn't word it well, I suppose. Do you know what got you here mentally? I don't mean to be invasive.
 
I seem to experience at least depersonalization. I've read that it can originate from even emotional abuse. I vaguely remember my family being foul. They often were, I just don't recall a formative trauma, or much of anything from childhood. I apologize for asking anyone to relive anything. I feel I'm making it up because I have no coherent timeline to extract from. Absolutely nothing feels consistent between self, activity or remembering. Can one simply not remember ptsd trauma material and be affected so much on the daily? I don't function like [neurotypical?] people around me. It's like I'm preadolescent or low iq, but I feel myself deep down being neither nor. However, I "look fine," so people draw those conclusions anyway. Kinda venting. Thanks
Just wanted to say that I totally get this. I experience depersonalization too and lately it's been because I'm trying to work through anxiety I have at a certain time of day with my therapist. I dissociate any time we try to work through it in our sessions...but I have no idea why I'm dissociating. I have no memory of why this time of day is so upsetting to me or why my brain/body have decided to go into dissociation mode whenever we bring it up. I just wanted to explain that so you know you aren't alone, and you definitely aren't making it up.
 
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