Hi everyone, or whoever will actually read this,
So I have c-ptsd from parental neglect and from growing up gay in a small town during the 80s and 90s, where I was told it was wrong to be who I was and spent the first 18 years of my life keeping it hidden. The shame I felt prompted me to seek acceptance in some pretty dangerous places. Abusive relationships, substances, strangers. Not long after running away from home after coming out, I spent an evening being raped by more men than I could keep count of. After that, I tried to give up on being gay and spent about 8 years in a relationship where I was berated nearly daily for being queer. After that ended and I realized I wasn’t safe even in an opposite-sex relationship, I tried a same-sex one again. 7 years and many broken bones later, I escaped that one.
Basically, my whole life has been trauma. But it’s been getting better. I spent about 2 1/2 years avoiding sex and relationships after escaping that last one and it helped me to begin healing and to recognize the patterns/cycles I was stuck in. Started seeing someone last spring and realized I was also just burying a lot of it. Floodgates opening typa deal. We talked for months before I agreed to meet him in person because I was terrified to. Anyway, once we finally did meet, I realized I couldn’t navigate it all on my own. Been in therapy that is focused pretty much entirely on my ptsd since August now. It’s helping but not as much or as quickly as I’d hoped. Still struggling a lot, especially in this new relationship, and looking for help with that is how I stumbled across this place.
So I have c-ptsd from parental neglect and from growing up gay in a small town during the 80s and 90s, where I was told it was wrong to be who I was and spent the first 18 years of my life keeping it hidden. The shame I felt prompted me to seek acceptance in some pretty dangerous places. Abusive relationships, substances, strangers. Not long after running away from home after coming out, I spent an evening being raped by more men than I could keep count of. After that, I tried to give up on being gay and spent about 8 years in a relationship where I was berated nearly daily for being queer. After that ended and I realized I wasn’t safe even in an opposite-sex relationship, I tried a same-sex one again. 7 years and many broken bones later, I escaped that one.
Basically, my whole life has been trauma. But it’s been getting better. I spent about 2 1/2 years avoiding sex and relationships after escaping that last one and it helped me to begin healing and to recognize the patterns/cycles I was stuck in. Started seeing someone last spring and realized I was also just burying a lot of it. Floodgates opening typa deal. We talked for months before I agreed to meet him in person because I was terrified to. Anyway, once we finally did meet, I realized I couldn’t navigate it all on my own. Been in therapy that is focused pretty much entirely on my ptsd since August now. It’s helping but not as much or as quickly as I’d hoped. Still struggling a lot, especially in this new relationship, and looking for help with that is how I stumbled across this place.
Last edited by a moderator: