I don't know how to cope with feelings of intense loneliness anymore...
Anytime I look at my life I feel like such a failure. My child self dreamed of so much and I've achieved none of it. I wanted to be an artist, to make art of my stories and put it out there, I wanted to really cool prop-making stuff, I wanted to be super fashionable, do cool outfits and shoots....
But my current reality, I'm just poor and alone and am gaining more and more weight - I'm even getting acne and I'm almost 30. I'm barely getting by while my friends either earn a lot or are getting thousands of dollars from the govt. At 26 I don't have a partner despite desperately wanting one - I get extremely depressed seeing how happy everyone else is living their lives w/ their partners and having money to actually do things and/or accomplishing things in their lives while I'm in bed crying alone most days...
I struggle to see why I should take care of myself, eat, or try to accomplish anything bc my mental illness causes me to dissociate so badly. I had to really push myself to eat today despite my blood sugar dropping causing me headaches, weakness & body pains
Cant talk to my friends abt it - especially my intense loneliness with being single bc they wouldn't get it...they're too busy being happy in their lives to care or understand the pain I'm in.
I'm also tired of holding all this pain inside but I just don't know what to do or who to talk to...I don't have insurance anymore and my therapy had to end earlier this year.
-- my current living environment is wholly triggering. my landlord told me that I need to 'shut up' and not complain about the unsanitary nature of the house and I am unable to move at the moment - its drastically increased my depression feeling trapped, voiceless and helpless just like how I felt back home with my parents..
Anytime I look at my life I feel like such a failure. My child self dreamed of so much and I've achieved none of it. I wanted to be an artist, to make art of my stories and put it out there, I wanted to really cool prop-making stuff, I wanted to be super fashionable, do cool outfits and shoots....
But my current reality, I'm just poor and alone and am gaining more and more weight - I'm even getting acne and I'm almost 30. I'm barely getting by while my friends either earn a lot or are getting thousands of dollars from the govt. At 26 I don't have a partner despite desperately wanting one - I get extremely depressed seeing how happy everyone else is living their lives w/ their partners and having money to actually do things and/or accomplishing things in their lives while I'm in bed crying alone most days...
I struggle to see why I should take care of myself, eat, or try to accomplish anything bc my mental illness causes me to dissociate so badly. I had to really push myself to eat today despite my blood sugar dropping causing me headaches, weakness & body pains
Cant talk to my friends abt it - especially my intense loneliness with being single bc they wouldn't get it...they're too busy being happy in their lives to care or understand the pain I'm in.
I'm also tired of holding all this pain inside but I just don't know what to do or who to talk to...I don't have insurance anymore and my therapy had to end earlier this year.
-- my current living environment is wholly triggering. my landlord told me that I need to 'shut up' and not complain about the unsanitary nature of the house and I am unable to move at the moment - its drastically increased my depression feeling trapped, voiceless and helpless just like how I felt back home with my parents..