Charbella
Sponsor
I’ve been struggling with SI for over a year, some days every open thought is of it and other days I just pray to not wake up. My T knows but I haven’t been forthcoming as of late so he has no idea how bad it is lately.
I’m pretty good at appearing “normal” so I don’t think anyone else even suspects. Lately in Therapy I’ve been pretty who cares it’s almost summer and I can do it then. (I teach and wouldn’t want my students to have to deal with that mid-year). From his perspective that means I’ve been more open (nothing to lose), more willing to push the boundaries in EMDR. But the other side of that is I grow closer to the edge as outside of therapy I grow increasingly closed off to people and any emotions.
I get I’m doing this to myself and I’m not sure I want to change course which is of course why I haven’t mentioned it. For now I’m not scheduled to go back to therapy, though his clients do it online so I don’t think he knows that. I’m not sure if I’m taking a break or not.
Yesterday in session he talked about connecting with my body in a baby step he’d like me to try. We’ve talked about how this is not a desire of mine, I don’t see how anything good can come from it. I’m happy to be a walking head, hands, and feet. But the step he suggested really triggered me and now it seems like everything is triggering me. I was really doing great with being numb.
I’m pretty good at appearing “normal” so I don’t think anyone else even suspects. Lately in Therapy I’ve been pretty who cares it’s almost summer and I can do it then. (I teach and wouldn’t want my students to have to deal with that mid-year). From his perspective that means I’ve been more open (nothing to lose), more willing to push the boundaries in EMDR. But the other side of that is I grow closer to the edge as outside of therapy I grow increasingly closed off to people and any emotions.
I get I’m doing this to myself and I’m not sure I want to change course which is of course why I haven’t mentioned it. For now I’m not scheduled to go back to therapy, though his clients do it online so I don’t think he knows that. I’m not sure if I’m taking a break or not.
Yesterday in session he talked about connecting with my body in a baby step he’d like me to try. We’ve talked about how this is not a desire of mine, I don’t see how anything good can come from it. I’m happy to be a walking head, hands, and feet. But the step he suggested really triggered me and now it seems like everything is triggering me. I was really doing great with being numb.