tuxedo1210
New Here
Hi all, I'm new here. Just looking for advice/support/understanding about my last couples therapy session with my cptsd partner of 5 years. He started alcohol addiction treatment and is now about 6 months out in recovery doing really well. He still has a lot of issues with emotional intimacy, trust, being vulnerable with me etc. He is a pleasant partner and is very caring but can be emotionally abusive when triggered if i ask for any emotional need- I even use "I" statements. I realize partners are not their trauma but it is spilling into the relationship as the EFT couples therapist has said and that he noticed and confirmed that my partner feels like i'm the enemy. He said he didn't believe me when the therapist asked him to hear how i feel when he isolates or dismisses or stonewalls or doesn't respond to any emotion other than "happy" feelings. I understand he's been through so much and he just wants calm and he does go to an individual therapist.
During the last couples session, I brought up an incident from a year ago that we've never been able to talk about successfully together where he pushed and held me against the refrigerator (we were discussing a lie he told that changed 3 times and I was asking for clarification. there was conflict before I disengaged and tried leaving the room making no eye contact nor saying anything when he jumped up and pushed me then yelled in my face before letting me go while continuing to follow me mocking me about calling the police. He was never violent before and was drunk-he is a blackout drinker and there are a lot of times when i wasn't aware he was drinking). He also never apologized which is why i brought it up in couples therapy. The shame he carries is severe due to the abuse (no excuse, i know, just want to give a clear picture).
Anyway, I brought it up and the therapist commented that he is required to report abuse. My partner became very angry and when the therapist asked him to officially apologize, he said he needed to cool off. He went for a bike ride (he's a cyclist) and he never returned home before i had to leave for work that evening. He usually texts me good night and i didn't hear anything and he texts me good morning (all things he does on his own- I've never asked him but do appreciate it). He is so angry with me and won't say why. He won't talk to me (he was leaving for work as i got home that morning) is barely texting, told me he isn't ready to talk and finally said he isn't done processing. I have asked specifically what I did to receive this treatment and there is no response. He asked me to go visit my parents this weekend but i can't afford to go. he asked why and I said i would respect that he doesn't want to be around me for a few days but since we live together and all i can do is avoid him and sleep in the lower level). I'm very hurt and confused since he's never been this angry and distant before. I'm so hurt and dumbfounded and he won't talk to me at all. I feel like he thinks i betrayed him somehow. I do love him and i feel for him however, I realize I can't take terrible treatment either.
During the last couples session, I brought up an incident from a year ago that we've never been able to talk about successfully together where he pushed and held me against the refrigerator (we were discussing a lie he told that changed 3 times and I was asking for clarification. there was conflict before I disengaged and tried leaving the room making no eye contact nor saying anything when he jumped up and pushed me then yelled in my face before letting me go while continuing to follow me mocking me about calling the police. He was never violent before and was drunk-he is a blackout drinker and there are a lot of times when i wasn't aware he was drinking). He also never apologized which is why i brought it up in couples therapy. The shame he carries is severe due to the abuse (no excuse, i know, just want to give a clear picture).
Anyway, I brought it up and the therapist commented that he is required to report abuse. My partner became very angry and when the therapist asked him to officially apologize, he said he needed to cool off. He went for a bike ride (he's a cyclist) and he never returned home before i had to leave for work that evening. He usually texts me good night and i didn't hear anything and he texts me good morning (all things he does on his own- I've never asked him but do appreciate it). He is so angry with me and won't say why. He won't talk to me (he was leaving for work as i got home that morning) is barely texting, told me he isn't ready to talk and finally said he isn't done processing. I have asked specifically what I did to receive this treatment and there is no response. He asked me to go visit my parents this weekend but i can't afford to go. he asked why and I said i would respect that he doesn't want to be around me for a few days but since we live together and all i can do is avoid him and sleep in the lower level). I'm very hurt and confused since he's never been this angry and distant before. I'm so hurt and dumbfounded and he won't talk to me at all. I feel like he thinks i betrayed him somehow. I do love him and i feel for him however, I realize I can't take terrible treatment either.