PawPrintHeart
New Here
Hi-I'm new. I've started my healing journey with PTSD, but EDS makes it ridiculously hard to be consistent-with anything. I know healing isn't linear by any means, but EDS causes many minor and some major set backs.
Aside from many chronic illnesses, I have been suffering my whole life with what I now know to understand as CPTSD. I've been in weekly telehealth therapy since 2019.
I also have Panic Attack Disorder with Agoraphobia and so keeping up with doctors appointments and phone calls is very hard to do. I suspect I am on the spectrum as well. I've never publicly self identified as autistic, but it would connect A LOT of dots. Idk if it's so important to go through the list of issues that I am diagnosed with necessarily, but my CPTSD (emotional dysregulation, triggers, overstimulation, processing dysfunction, basic executive function) has made it extremely difficult to have a quality of life that I crave or the quality of relationships that I also crave.
I struggle a lot with abandonment which I cannot emphasis enough. I've always wanted close relationships with people, but I am only learning how to be vulnerable and practice regulating my emotions as the situations come at almost 32 years old. I know I have a lot to offer this world, but I am so shut inside of myself, as I was taught to be. It's just really difficult to do anything past a computer. I'm not even great at forums. I've tried keeping up with theMighty, which is an amazing place to read very relatable content, but I've found that I tend to socially withdaw on that platform instead of embracing communication and I'm not sure why.
I have been grueling myself over psycho-educating my brain on CPTSD and how it's impacted ENTIRE life. I just learned that PTSD is not a mental illness, but brain trauma. I think that alone has actually helped me so much bc I can say I'm not fcked up, it's my CPTSD or I'm not fcked up, I'm dysregulated and so forth. There is a reason that I'm not okay. It isn't just me being a pathetic loser, I just have a lower tolerance bc of CPTSD. Just like with EDS, it's freeing to know that there is a condition for the ways that I have seen myself as a loser or failure.
My perspective has grown so much in just a few short months that has brought me relief I never thought I'd experience. It's made me ready to take this seriously and I'm ready for the responsibility of healing. In fact, there is nothing else I can focus on, especially due to the peak of my mental and physical health decline since 2019, when I could no longer work. I am in the process of applying for disability, which is a nightmare in itself. The mental toll that it has taken on me, being so young and having nowhere else to turn to, I have to get help from somewhere. It's all too stigmatized for anyone that I know of in my immediate vicinity or "family" to want to understand, even at a surface level, what I'm going through. It's a very lonely thing.
I've been with my high school sweetheart since we were 16 and he is literally the only emotional support I have. I have one sister who lives states away, another who is local but keeps her distance, and I had to cut ties with my parents years ago due to the abuse they put me through.
I am in touch with my partner's family, but they are also so emotionally abusive, which is so triggering for me to be around. I can sniff out emotional abuse and can only take so much of being exposed to that when it's happening to kids of the family when the care takers are completely oblivious to what emotional abuse even is. I grew up where it was normal to be bullied by one of my care takers. And so, my contact is very limited partly because I have not figured out how to dampen the trigger response to seeing someone be mentally abused to the other, particularly when there's kids involved going through exactly what I went through that landed me a PTSD diagnosis.
I'm pretty bound to my bubble until I can learn to regulate myself in situations that trigger me and my body's somatic responses to trauma.
Anywho, that's just a tid bit so, Hi and take care.
Aside from many chronic illnesses, I have been suffering my whole life with what I now know to understand as CPTSD. I've been in weekly telehealth therapy since 2019.
I also have Panic Attack Disorder with Agoraphobia and so keeping up with doctors appointments and phone calls is very hard to do. I suspect I am on the spectrum as well. I've never publicly self identified as autistic, but it would connect A LOT of dots. Idk if it's so important to go through the list of issues that I am diagnosed with necessarily, but my CPTSD (emotional dysregulation, triggers, overstimulation, processing dysfunction, basic executive function) has made it extremely difficult to have a quality of life that I crave or the quality of relationships that I also crave.
I struggle a lot with abandonment which I cannot emphasis enough. I've always wanted close relationships with people, but I am only learning how to be vulnerable and practice regulating my emotions as the situations come at almost 32 years old. I know I have a lot to offer this world, but I am so shut inside of myself, as I was taught to be. It's just really difficult to do anything past a computer. I'm not even great at forums. I've tried keeping up with theMighty, which is an amazing place to read very relatable content, but I've found that I tend to socially withdaw on that platform instead of embracing communication and I'm not sure why.
I have been grueling myself over psycho-educating my brain on CPTSD and how it's impacted ENTIRE life. I just learned that PTSD is not a mental illness, but brain trauma. I think that alone has actually helped me so much bc I can say I'm not fcked up, it's my CPTSD or I'm not fcked up, I'm dysregulated and so forth. There is a reason that I'm not okay. It isn't just me being a pathetic loser, I just have a lower tolerance bc of CPTSD. Just like with EDS, it's freeing to know that there is a condition for the ways that I have seen myself as a loser or failure.
My perspective has grown so much in just a few short months that has brought me relief I never thought I'd experience. It's made me ready to take this seriously and I'm ready for the responsibility of healing. In fact, there is nothing else I can focus on, especially due to the peak of my mental and physical health decline since 2019, when I could no longer work. I am in the process of applying for disability, which is a nightmare in itself. The mental toll that it has taken on me, being so young and having nowhere else to turn to, I have to get help from somewhere. It's all too stigmatized for anyone that I know of in my immediate vicinity or "family" to want to understand, even at a surface level, what I'm going through. It's a very lonely thing.
I've been with my high school sweetheart since we were 16 and he is literally the only emotional support I have. I have one sister who lives states away, another who is local but keeps her distance, and I had to cut ties with my parents years ago due to the abuse they put me through.
I am in touch with my partner's family, but they are also so emotionally abusive, which is so triggering for me to be around. I can sniff out emotional abuse and can only take so much of being exposed to that when it's happening to kids of the family when the care takers are completely oblivious to what emotional abuse even is. I grew up where it was normal to be bullied by one of my care takers. And so, my contact is very limited partly because I have not figured out how to dampen the trigger response to seeing someone be mentally abused to the other, particularly when there's kids involved going through exactly what I went through that landed me a PTSD diagnosis.
I'm pretty bound to my bubble until I can learn to regulate myself in situations that trigger me and my body's somatic responses to trauma.
Anywho, that's just a tid bit so, Hi and take care.
Last edited by a moderator: