After about 12 months of weekly therapy I finally arrived at a place where I could make peace with my childhood traumas, at least enough to live my life. When I entered therapy I was severely depressed as my 40+ year secret that I had basically disassociated for my entire life came pouring out that I was sexually abused by a pedophile from ages 10-12. I never told anyone and just buried it.
Working with my therapist what came out was way more than I anticipated or even understood. Yes I was abused from 10-12 but what I did not understand is that was only the base trauma. What she was able to bring out and help me analyze was the fact that I did not have the normal childhood I thought I had. In reality the traumas continued until I was at least 18. These were not physical or sexual abuse but rather environmental instability.
The reasons were many, my parents where both good people and I loved them and they loved me but I realize now that they had their own issues to deal with and because I was not the type of child to complain or be demanding I think they did not realize that I needed help and guidance. I was like a wild weed growing in the garden. It was actually this instability added to my abuse (which they were unaware of) which compounded the Phsyc damage.
I am now at a spot that the depression has got a hold of me again and I am not even able to function normally. My attention span and concentration is all but zip and I have lost my center, my sense of self. I no longer know who I am because who I thought I was for 40+ years was wrong.
I have an appt with my T in two weeks the first in about a year.
Working with my therapist what came out was way more than I anticipated or even understood. Yes I was abused from 10-12 but what I did not understand is that was only the base trauma. What she was able to bring out and help me analyze was the fact that I did not have the normal childhood I thought I had. In reality the traumas continued until I was at least 18. These were not physical or sexual abuse but rather environmental instability.
The reasons were many, my parents where both good people and I loved them and they loved me but I realize now that they had their own issues to deal with and because I was not the type of child to complain or be demanding I think they did not realize that I needed help and guidance. I was like a wild weed growing in the garden. It was actually this instability added to my abuse (which they were unaware of) which compounded the Phsyc damage.
I am now at a spot that the depression has got a hold of me again and I am not even able to function normally. My attention span and concentration is all but zip and I have lost my center, my sense of self. I no longer know who I am because who I thought I was for 40+ years was wrong.
I have an appt with my T in two weeks the first in about a year.