So they say C-PTSD is curable.. is that a lie??
I've jumped through all of the hoops, therapy, medications, counselling, safety plans you name it. I've been treated for 14 years as needed
I am not going to lie sometimes for chunks of time it gets better. Or I had thought it was better.. I felt good and energized and the long lost feeling of hope blanketed my entire life.
until I realized that I was making extremely irrational decisions in an attempt to live a little before the next crash that I could always feel looming on the horizon.
After all when my downs are severe and last years upon years with little to no reprieve a two year up should be celebrated right.... so instead of repressing and isolating my behaviors flipped to the other side of the coin which was just as unhealthy as the depressive side.
So again I'm in a down... Its been nine months since I had a severe trigger... all of the triggers I had thought I had mastered and the behaviors that came along with them are as prevalent as if I had never participated in treatment to begin with.. the medication that was new for me worked great but I acclimatized to it very quickly. So I have had to increase the dosage multiple times.. and now i need to discontinue that med as it is now a lot more than i can afford as my coverage changed.
So now i am faced with the question... how do i keep going.. its getting harder every day to show up.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I've jumped through all of the hoops, therapy, medications, counselling, safety plans you name it. I've been treated for 14 years as needed
I am not going to lie sometimes for chunks of time it gets better. Or I had thought it was better.. I felt good and energized and the long lost feeling of hope blanketed my entire life.
until I realized that I was making extremely irrational decisions in an attempt to live a little before the next crash that I could always feel looming on the horizon.
After all when my downs are severe and last years upon years with little to no reprieve a two year up should be celebrated right.... so instead of repressing and isolating my behaviors flipped to the other side of the coin which was just as unhealthy as the depressive side.
So again I'm in a down... Its been nine months since I had a severe trigger... all of the triggers I had thought I had mastered and the behaviors that came along with them are as prevalent as if I had never participated in treatment to begin with.. the medication that was new for me worked great but I acclimatized to it very quickly. So I have had to increase the dosage multiple times.. and now i need to discontinue that med as it is now a lot more than i can afford as my coverage changed.
So now i am faced with the question... how do i keep going.. its getting harder every day to show up.
Has anyone else experienced this?