Rose White
MyPTSD Pro
Anyone familiar with the technique of motivational interviewing? My addiction recovery program uses it but also teaches it to us to use with others. Apparently it is the basis for CBT. It is intended for people who are in a state of ambivalence about their ability to change. If people are convinced that they can or can’t change then it is not as effective. Supposedly it can be applied to not just counseling but also medical practice, classroom management, parenting, and even lobbying lawmakers about climate change.
I asked my T if she had heard of it and she said, “Oh yeah,” like it was common knowledge, and led me to believe she probably utilizes it, and upon reflection I could see that. She’s an addiction counselor and MI was originally developed to treat alcohol dependence.
I am curious if you are familiar with it and if you have learned the techniques. I am interested in getting trained in it. For my program we are supposed to practice it and then write about it. I will write about my experience.
Before I do I will explain my understanding of it at this point. MI is a style of communication which seeks to validate the other and direct them toward action. This is different from Carl Rogers’ non-directive interviewing approach. The style is based on questioning rather than directions (even though the goal is direction—suddenly I’m thinking of police questioning —Anyway, I guess it makes sense that there would be times that a counselor (or teacher, or doctor, or parent, or lobbyist) would want to direct the other person, particularly when the person is ambivalent about changing negative coping behaviors.)
The questions proceed as follows:
1) engagement with the other—who are they, develop rapport, affirm their existence and values.
2) what is a big concern of theirs (addiction, anxiety (though apparently if there is any mental illness or personality disorder this style is less effective, so not even that great for PTSD).
3) why do they think this is a problem.
4) how do they think they might resolve it
This is my very basic understanding and apparently it’s a nuanced process which involves particularly not fighting the other’s resistance to change.
I tried it with my son yesterday. We talked about anger and how some people lash out at others instead of coping with it on their own. It’s hard for me to describe the conversation in detail. I tried very hard to focus on asking him questions rather than “sharing my wisdom” . I also tried to focus on affirming his strengths and values. The conversation was supposed to last about 15 minutes, ours was about 10, and I noticed that after 5 I wanted to stop but kept going. The conversation happened organically based on events prior to the conversation. He was calm and I was calm. I forgot to thank him for it at the end. I liked that way of communicating and it made me want to learn more or get trained.
It’s important for me to point out that when my sons were young I was unable to train them to cope because I didn’t know how to co-regulate so my son is behind on learning that. So even though my goal is for him to be able to cope with his anger on his own, he still needs co-regulation that he didn’t get before and that he needs now at age 14–and I’m so much better at that now than ever before, and he has come a long way.
Last night I went out with a friend, who happens to be a trauma therapist, and she was sharing with me some of the struggles with her partner and I tried to dip into motivational interviewing mode, but found that I wanted so much more to make statements of affirmation and validation. I suspect that my mind-body recognized that my friend is not ambivalent about her situation and that there is no need for me to motivate her, but rather just support her or just listen to her, which is closer to Rogers’ non-directed listening. And furthermore, I don’t have to have unconditional positive regard for her, since she is my friend (even though thats kind of my fallback, due to decades of codependency) I can have conditions with her, certain expectations. For example I can expect her to not ignore me or not tease me and if she were to do those things I can withdraw my concern for her.
I do tend to mix up therapeutic with friendship, but hopefully I’m separating them now. I’m starting to see how friendship is an extraordinary type of relationship compared to teaching and parenting and professional and medical and political and community.
Wow I really wrote a lot. If you are still with me I’m curious if Motivational Interviewing is something you are aware of or have pursued an interest in.
I asked my T if she had heard of it and she said, “Oh yeah,” like it was common knowledge, and led me to believe she probably utilizes it, and upon reflection I could see that. She’s an addiction counselor and MI was originally developed to treat alcohol dependence.
I am curious if you are familiar with it and if you have learned the techniques. I am interested in getting trained in it. For my program we are supposed to practice it and then write about it. I will write about my experience.
Before I do I will explain my understanding of it at this point. MI is a style of communication which seeks to validate the other and direct them toward action. This is different from Carl Rogers’ non-directive interviewing approach. The style is based on questioning rather than directions (even though the goal is direction—suddenly I’m thinking of police questioning —Anyway, I guess it makes sense that there would be times that a counselor (or teacher, or doctor, or parent, or lobbyist) would want to direct the other person, particularly when the person is ambivalent about changing negative coping behaviors.)
The questions proceed as follows:
1) engagement with the other—who are they, develop rapport, affirm their existence and values.
2) what is a big concern of theirs (addiction, anxiety (though apparently if there is any mental illness or personality disorder this style is less effective, so not even that great for PTSD).
3) why do they think this is a problem.
4) how do they think they might resolve it
This is my very basic understanding and apparently it’s a nuanced process which involves particularly not fighting the other’s resistance to change.
I tried it with my son yesterday. We talked about anger and how some people lash out at others instead of coping with it on their own. It’s hard for me to describe the conversation in detail. I tried very hard to focus on asking him questions rather than “sharing my wisdom” . I also tried to focus on affirming his strengths and values. The conversation was supposed to last about 15 minutes, ours was about 10, and I noticed that after 5 I wanted to stop but kept going. The conversation happened organically based on events prior to the conversation. He was calm and I was calm. I forgot to thank him for it at the end. I liked that way of communicating and it made me want to learn more or get trained.
It’s important for me to point out that when my sons were young I was unable to train them to cope because I didn’t know how to co-regulate so my son is behind on learning that. So even though my goal is for him to be able to cope with his anger on his own, he still needs co-regulation that he didn’t get before and that he needs now at age 14–and I’m so much better at that now than ever before, and he has come a long way.
Last night I went out with a friend, who happens to be a trauma therapist, and she was sharing with me some of the struggles with her partner and I tried to dip into motivational interviewing mode, but found that I wanted so much more to make statements of affirmation and validation. I suspect that my mind-body recognized that my friend is not ambivalent about her situation and that there is no need for me to motivate her, but rather just support her or just listen to her, which is closer to Rogers’ non-directed listening. And furthermore, I don’t have to have unconditional positive regard for her, since she is my friend (even though thats kind of my fallback, due to decades of codependency) I can have conditions with her, certain expectations. For example I can expect her to not ignore me or not tease me and if she were to do those things I can withdraw my concern for her.
I do tend to mix up therapeutic with friendship, but hopefully I’m separating them now. I’m starting to see how friendship is an extraordinary type of relationship compared to teaching and parenting and professional and medical and political and community.
Wow I really wrote a lot. If you are still with me I’m curious if Motivational Interviewing is something you are aware of or have pursued an interest in.