RedwoodPaladin
New Here
Hi all. I've been a bit of a lurker for a while. My name's Nancy and I'm originally from the south and moved to Boston for school. I'm planning on going to medical school but I don't major in the typical chem or bio. I'm super interested in philosophy. I received my PTSD diagnosis my sophomore year of high school, which was about 4 years ago now. I was re-diagnosed more specifically with CPTSD when I had to get a neuropsych for accommodations in college, and I've been seeing a therapist since February.
I grew up in a single-parent, abusive household. There was hitting, yelling, and general chaos. Talking with my T, I've started to realize that there was also probably emotional abuse and neglect. I was misdiagnosed super early with combined type ADHD and, at one point, ODD. Deep down, I always knew the way my parent treated me wasn't right, but I felt so constrained by the situation that I had never vocalized it to anyone until recently. I still sort of carry it around like a deep, dark secret, though.
Now that I'm dealing with this new identity, like a generalized anxiety and depression diagnosis that is a result of my PTSD, I'm relearning what my emotions, reactions, and even my story mean in context. I still deal with pressure from my family where they insist that I have ADHD still. It's really frustrating and I often feel misunderstood.
I'm confused on what the symptoms of CPTSD actually are or how they show; I know them in theory (nightmares, flashbacks, etc.), but since I don't have flashbacks or nightmares, I have a difficult time recognizing symptoms. I also have a hard time figuring out how to separate my anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms. Honestly, I have no idea what anxiety and depression really looks like as I've never identified with either diagnosis. Because I'm such a positive, high energy person that's also been described as chill, I've always thought "I'm not depressed. I don't have anxiety," and so I don't have a grasp on actually understanding either. I really admire those of you that have, after a considerable amount of work, figured out what your PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc. symptoms look like and can outwardly explain it.
I don't know if I get enough support from my friends, and part of that is because I'm not sure how to go to them for support. It's lonely, for sure, because I'm always worried about dumping (I've been described as an oversharer). That's why I wanted to introduce myself and join the community as I feel like you guys would understand. I'm looking to talk more about this aspect of my life so that I feel more normal and so I don't have to hide as much (while also figuring this whole PTSD thing out). I'm also looking forward to the connection and community from this forum.
I grew up in a single-parent, abusive household. There was hitting, yelling, and general chaos. Talking with my T, I've started to realize that there was also probably emotional abuse and neglect. I was misdiagnosed super early with combined type ADHD and, at one point, ODD. Deep down, I always knew the way my parent treated me wasn't right, but I felt so constrained by the situation that I had never vocalized it to anyone until recently. I still sort of carry it around like a deep, dark secret, though.
Now that I'm dealing with this new identity, like a generalized anxiety and depression diagnosis that is a result of my PTSD, I'm relearning what my emotions, reactions, and even my story mean in context. I still deal with pressure from my family where they insist that I have ADHD still. It's really frustrating and I often feel misunderstood.
I'm confused on what the symptoms of CPTSD actually are or how they show; I know them in theory (nightmares, flashbacks, etc.), but since I don't have flashbacks or nightmares, I have a difficult time recognizing symptoms. I also have a hard time figuring out how to separate my anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms. Honestly, I have no idea what anxiety and depression really looks like as I've never identified with either diagnosis. Because I'm such a positive, high energy person that's also been described as chill, I've always thought "I'm not depressed. I don't have anxiety," and so I don't have a grasp on actually understanding either. I really admire those of you that have, after a considerable amount of work, figured out what your PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc. symptoms look like and can outwardly explain it.
I don't know if I get enough support from my friends, and part of that is because I'm not sure how to go to them for support. It's lonely, for sure, because I'm always worried about dumping (I've been described as an oversharer). That's why I wanted to introduce myself and join the community as I feel like you guys would understand. I'm looking to talk more about this aspect of my life so that I feel more normal and so I don't have to hide as much (while also figuring this whole PTSD thing out). I'm also looking forward to the connection and community from this forum.