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Ummmm… I think I made a wrong choice with a therapist I need help and advice.

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The_One

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Well I’ve been with this therapist for over 6 months (longer than with any other therapist) I really like her. But she’s only been practicing for 2 years under clinical supervision. Idk if that even matters but she … we did EMDR. Now I feel like a Guinea pig. She said she’s done about 4-5 people before me with EMDR and never had any issues.
If anyone has been following me I felt super f*cked up after my last EMDR. I feel A LOT better now after not doing any EMDR, taking my lexapro, taking a break from work.
But now I’m wondering … damn should I switch to a more experienced therapist ?
I really like her, like I really do. We click in so many ways.
But now I just feel weird knowing she only has 2 years of experience and is under a clinical supervisor,
I can’t afford huge amounts of money for each therapy session. So I’m very hesitant to leave.

I hate to say it but EMDR has helped me realized a lot of things and I talked about it with her and she will probably agree it kick started healing for me in so many ways but I DO NOT want to do EMDR again. It was hell on earth.
 
i don't have an opinion on whether your therapist is right for you. for my therapy nickel, interpersonal chemistry is the most important factor. if the chemistry between us doesn't click, the rest is just hot air and paperwork, but what makes a good therapy match might be even more personal than what makes a good spouse.

that said. . .

a general gee on my own recovery road has been that the places i have repressed, etc., always seems to feel worse before they can feel better. ripping off those dirty bandages of denial and repression hurts every time, whatever the theory i rip by. "hell on earth" is as good a descriptive as any.

whatever you decide, be gentle with yourself and patient with the process.
 
I personally wouldn’t do EMDR with someone who doesn’t have many years of experience and a high level of competency in that area. That said even if I could afford that level of therapist I still wouldn’t do EMDR I’ve seen a lot of people it’s really helped and a minority it’s been awful for. I personally wouldn’t take the risk. Which is fine because like @arfie said above the most important factor is the therapeutic relationship rather than the modality.

Is it possible to stay with the therapist but not do EMDR? It’s a lot of trial and error with any therapy now you can tick off EMDR from the list and try something different. If the therapeutic relationship is working and you like her and it clicks. I personally would see how it goes. It’s still always an option to get someone else if it still isn’t working without the EMDR. And it’s so annoying having to explain everything again to a new person. But again that’s just me personally.
 
I don’t know about your EMDR experience but the reason for all the resourcing before is because…it sucks and it’s hard and it’s not that session it’s the aftermath. So I don’t know that you can say it’s inexperience versus it just sucking. If it jump started the process for you, I’d look at that as a win…

I echo what @arfie says your ability to bond with your T is probably the single most important thing in trauma therapy, without it your kind of spinning your wheels.
 
Personally I’d rather know they are supervised then on their own with less supervision. Also the really clicking with is a game changer. Sometimes you get to be the one who learns with the therapist and you both come out stronger as you grow together. After all it should be a joint journey towards healing, not one or the other doing all the inputting or work.
 
I feel A LOT better now after not doing any EMDR, taking my lexapro, taking a break from work.
But now I’m wondering … damn should I switch to a more experienced therapist ?
I'm sorry, I can't recall - are you dealing with a single trauma event, or multiple traumas over time (in terms of the EMDR work, specifically)?

I think that can make a difference, as far as how many years practicing EMDR the therapist has. BUT - it's also very possible for someone to be relatively early in their practice and extremely talented. More experience doesn't necessarily equal better.
But she’s only been practicing for 2 years under clinical supervision. Idk if that even matters but she … we did EMDR. Now I feel like a Guinea pig. She said she’s done about 4-5 people before me with EMDR and never had any issues.
I'm fairly sure she will have done more rounds of EMDR than 4 or 5 clients, just within the certification process. So, 4 or 5 should refer to her actual clients (just so you've got a context for how many different people she'd have already worked with).

I'm curious - Do you know if "practicing 2 years under supervision" refers to the level of licensing she's working towards? Or is it the supervised part of EMDR training and certification?
 
There's growing evidence that EMDR is effective because it promotes neurogenesis (shifts in neurophysiology and neuronal volume) via bilateral stimulation. This is something that works whether you have complex trauma or single-event oriented trauma. However the type of trauma you've experienced will affect how you respond to to this.

It is a big deal. It changes the way that your brain processes information. It potentially changes your brain's structure, period. It's not something that anyone should "just try" on you. I didn't do EMDR, I did psilocybin therapy. Which essentially does the same thing but in a much more targeted and intense manner. Neurogenesis is one of those things that, as Conan O'Brien says, "if it doesn't kill you, it almost kills you." Especially with complex trauma.

Because of these things, if it were me, I would not undergo this process with someone who was not experienced and who was not trained to provide otherwise competent therapy to individuals with PTSD specifically from the type of trauma I endured. At the time I underwent this process, that person was.... me. So, I did it myself. Wouldn't recommend that route unless you're as insane and lacking resources as I am, heh.

That being said, if you really gel with this person, I don't see a reason why you can't continue seeing her for regular psychodynamic, cognitive-behavioral, dialectical and/or narrative therapy. I'd pair it with an ongoing state of personal research and peer support, that way you have the tools necessary to determine if your therapy is progressing reasonably or not.

One of my therapists is not traditionally trained and I gain a great deal from conversations with him, because he has relevant experience, if not relevant education. Because I've spent so much of my adult life studying trauma, development and neurology, I feel confident in attending therapy with him because I know I can pick up the slack.
 
There's growing evidence that EMDR is effective because it promotes neurogenesis (shifts in neurophysiology and neuronal volume) via bilateral stimulation. This is something that works whether you have complex trauma or single-event oriented trauma. However the type of trauma you've experienced will affect how you respond to to this.

It is a big deal. It changes the way that your brain processes information. It potentially changes your brain's structure, period. It's not something that anyone should "just try" on you. I didn't do EMDR, I did psilocybin therapy. Which essentially does the same thing but in a much more targeted and intense manner. Neurogenesis is one of those things that, as Conan O'Brien says, "if it doesn't kill you, it almost kills you." Especially with complex trauma.

Because of these things, if it were me, I would not undergo this process with someone who was not experienced and who was not trained to provide otherwise competent therapy to individuals with PTSD specifically from the type of trauma I endured. At the time I underwent this process, that person was.... me. So, I did it myself. Wouldn't recommend that route unless you're as insane and lacking resources as I am, heh.

That being said, if you really gel with this person, I don't see a reason why you can't continue seeing her for regular psychodynamic, cognitive-behavioral, dialectical and/or narrative therapy. I'd pair it with an ongoing state of personal research and peer support, that way you have the tools necessary to determine if your therapy is progressing reasonably or not.

One of my therapists is not traditionally trained and I gain a great deal from conversations with him, because he has relevant experience, if not relevant education. Because I've spent so much of my adult life studying trauma, development and neurology, I feel confident in attending therapy with him because I know I can pick up the slack.
I don’t know about your EMDR experience but the reason for all the resourcing before is because…it sucks and it’s hard and it’s not that session it’s the aftermath. So I don’t know that you can say it’s inexperience versus it just sucking. If it jump started the process for you, I’d look at that as a win…

I echo what @arfie says your ability to bond with your T is probably the single most important thing in trauma therapy, without it your kind of spinning your wheels.
She is amazing. We do really click together and I know she’s excited to see me heal, whether that’s through EMDR or not. I know she’s ready either way. Even if I feel bad just talking to her really helps me. I don’t know if EMDR will ever be a good thing for me to do. But I feel safer knowing she’s in my life.
 
Even if I feel bad just talking to her really helps me. I don’t know if EMDR will ever be a good thing for me to do. But I feel safer knowing she’s in my life.
To me this sounds like you've got the answer! Maybe EMDR is not a good fit for you right now, or ever. You really do need to be 100% on board with that process in order for it to occur in a healing way and not in a traumatic way. But if she makes you feel safe and she helps you feel better that's literally a great reason to keep going to therapy.
 
EMDR work is relational.....

The Easier What You Work on - the less screwed up you feel after.
The harder what you work on - the more screwed up you feel after.

As well add in that the time that has elapsed since trauma factors in as well. Last month will certainly be easier and quicker than 40 years ago.

Your brain is sorting through memories and changing how you feel about them so you can process them. Like any computer running a program the more stuff it has to change the harder the reprocessing is and the longer it takes plus the bonus is you get to feel extra crappy. Even more fun is that at times your brain is sailing through memories and at any moment it can hit stuff and go really busy so your good and suddenly really loaded then good then slightly loaded......... It's not fun but it's how EJMDR works. It won't change. There is no way around....you have to go through.

Part one is managing your window of tolerance. If you don't you just bounce off the top of the SUDS scale and it's worse - much worse. I did that when I first got here - a lot. Even doing little things overloaded me all the time.

Right now - probably at the worst I have been since I was working on trauma stuff a couple years ago. BUT being able to manage the PTSD Cup/window of tolerance better means I am living better. I'm not tanking after doing things because I reduced to what I HAVE to do, and don't do the want to do stuff.
 
If I responded already, my apologies. I'm little confused with the website right now. However, I want to say that one of my very best therapists was a STUDENT in the PhD program in a "free clinic" She was learning and under supervision. She was awesome. She was organized. She was 100 percent focused on me. She wanted to help me. Sometimes new people are way better than old hats--they have more motivation, are more careful, and more "attuned" because they are into their work and the people.
 
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