littlestars
Confident
I'm in the US and I’m on disability. I recently graduated with a bachelor’s degree in fine art… which I feel is pretty useless and not much I can do with. I don’t want to go back to college for a master’s degree because going to college for five years was very taxing on my mental health. I started to look for jobs but then my car got totaled, so I couldn’t go anywhere for three weeks. Then, I had physical health issues to which I finally recovered from about two weeks ago.
I found a job working as a librarian assistant, it’s by contract for the school year grades 6-8. Like I said before, I’m on disability and my mother is my representative payee. We researched about how to return to work yesterday. She works from home and is extremely stressed out lately with her job, which triggers me and then started to list off all of these things I need to do which caused me to have a panic attack and I had to leave. She said that I’m not ready to go back to work. Mostly because I have insomnia pretty bad right now.
After I finally came home, I was so exhausted from taking my anxiety medicine and the interaction with my mother. I’m so depressed. I don’t know what kind of job to get now because of my ptsd which, as you know causes a lot of disruption in daily life. I need a job that will pay a little above average so I can pay off debts and still afford basic things like rent, food, gas, etc. but most importantly I need healthcare benefits to cover my medical bills.
I feel so disappointed in my mother and myself. I’m in my mid-thirties and I haven’t worked since 2014… and I only worked for two months before having a meltdown, which is a trend for me. I want to get off of disability and be “normal” and have a job and move out of this slummy, cramped studio apartment with my boyfriend. I feel like it’s going to take some time, yet time is running out. If I stay on disability I won’t be able to get married or have a nice apartment and extra money to cover basic needs… my mom pays a lot of my bills because the disability doesn’t cover everything.
The point is that I don’t know how to enter the work force again and don’t know what kind of jobs that I should get/apply for. I could sell art, but I don’t have a place to do it. There’s no room in my apartment or my mom’s. I thought working in a library would be nice, peaceful even, but it’s “under contract” for the entire school year except for summer… I’m not exactly a people person anymore. I’ve regressed into a shy child and a shut-in. I have learned to not like people that much because of all of the trauma that they’ve caused me.
My goals are to somehow find a stable job that I can do/manage that has benefits (healthcare), get married, move, and continue my treatment. However, I don’t know what field(s) to look into that would accommodate my ptsd and not have coworkers or bosses know or judge my mental health concerns. I guess I’m being idealistic here, but if anyone who reads this post is or was in the same situation, please reach out to me. I feel like I don’t have any confidence in myself and I also feel so incompetent. I’m depressed about this situation and fighting desperately to stay positive. Please help me in any way that you can… I appreciate you for reading my long post. Thank you.
I found a job working as a librarian assistant, it’s by contract for the school year grades 6-8. Like I said before, I’m on disability and my mother is my representative payee. We researched about how to return to work yesterday. She works from home and is extremely stressed out lately with her job, which triggers me and then started to list off all of these things I need to do which caused me to have a panic attack and I had to leave. She said that I’m not ready to go back to work. Mostly because I have insomnia pretty bad right now.
After I finally came home, I was so exhausted from taking my anxiety medicine and the interaction with my mother. I’m so depressed. I don’t know what kind of job to get now because of my ptsd which, as you know causes a lot of disruption in daily life. I need a job that will pay a little above average so I can pay off debts and still afford basic things like rent, food, gas, etc. but most importantly I need healthcare benefits to cover my medical bills.
I feel so disappointed in my mother and myself. I’m in my mid-thirties and I haven’t worked since 2014… and I only worked for two months before having a meltdown, which is a trend for me. I want to get off of disability and be “normal” and have a job and move out of this slummy, cramped studio apartment with my boyfriend. I feel like it’s going to take some time, yet time is running out. If I stay on disability I won’t be able to get married or have a nice apartment and extra money to cover basic needs… my mom pays a lot of my bills because the disability doesn’t cover everything.
The point is that I don’t know how to enter the work force again and don’t know what kind of jobs that I should get/apply for. I could sell art, but I don’t have a place to do it. There’s no room in my apartment or my mom’s. I thought working in a library would be nice, peaceful even, but it’s “under contract” for the entire school year except for summer… I’m not exactly a people person anymore. I’ve regressed into a shy child and a shut-in. I have learned to not like people that much because of all of the trauma that they’ve caused me.
My goals are to somehow find a stable job that I can do/manage that has benefits (healthcare), get married, move, and continue my treatment. However, I don’t know what field(s) to look into that would accommodate my ptsd and not have coworkers or bosses know or judge my mental health concerns. I guess I’m being idealistic here, but if anyone who reads this post is or was in the same situation, please reach out to me. I feel like I don’t have any confidence in myself and I also feel so incompetent. I’m depressed about this situation and fighting desperately to stay positive. Please help me in any way that you can… I appreciate you for reading my long post. Thank you.