Dear all :) I am new here and this is my very first post. I have a lot of questions and I am happy to have a place here where I can ask them, so thanks for that...
So here's my problem: Ever since I was little I could not watch violence in movies. My whole body would get stiff and I would scream. As a child, people thought I was just super sensitive. At school I didn't want this to happen so I figured out ways how to freeze it all down, then when I came home, it exploded and the physical reaction came out. My mom got used to it, so I managed to get through childhood. But here's the problem: I still have these symtoms, and now I am 36. :(
I am consequently avoiding violent movies or conversations if possible (and sex, but I am not sure how/if this is connected), and I am getting by, but I would love to "fix it". Not because I am so keen on watching these movies, but because I think I am blocking out a lot from my past. Or maybe just one event, but still. Until last year I could not even talk or write about all of this without getting overwhelmed with that shock energy, whatever that is. I have no memories of any traumatic event, and noone in my family who is still alive has any clue what might have happened. But it always felt like it was something major, I was so afraid and clingy as a little kid.
This summer I opened up about these "symtoms" in a therapy coaching group and the leader suggested that it's shock trauma PTSD and gave me a lot of hope that it's possible to work with. But my problem, or my fear is this: As soon as I start talking about it, I get overwhelmed by these symtoms. I want to/start to scream and kick and it feels so embarrising. I can supress it, but then I feel bad for days. It gets more intense when it's just me and a therapist, cause I get so much attention.
It's easier when the attention is devided in a group... so I was hoping to get some input here from people - is there such a thing as PTSD shock trauma group coaching? In a way that I can move forward, still not getting triggered all the time? And has anyone tried Somatic Integration? I went to a brainspotting session to see how it works, but it was the same thing, I could feel the overwhelming stuff coming up and stopped the exercise.
I have tried out so many things but a lot of therapist didn't know much of what they were doing. But any path I try to take seems to lead to that one event that I don't know about. If anyone has ideas or suggestions, I am happy about any comment! :) Thanks a lot!! <3
So here's my problem: Ever since I was little I could not watch violence in movies. My whole body would get stiff and I would scream. As a child, people thought I was just super sensitive. At school I didn't want this to happen so I figured out ways how to freeze it all down, then when I came home, it exploded and the physical reaction came out. My mom got used to it, so I managed to get through childhood. But here's the problem: I still have these symtoms, and now I am 36. :(
I am consequently avoiding violent movies or conversations if possible (and sex, but I am not sure how/if this is connected), and I am getting by, but I would love to "fix it". Not because I am so keen on watching these movies, but because I think I am blocking out a lot from my past. Or maybe just one event, but still. Until last year I could not even talk or write about all of this without getting overwhelmed with that shock energy, whatever that is. I have no memories of any traumatic event, and noone in my family who is still alive has any clue what might have happened. But it always felt like it was something major, I was so afraid and clingy as a little kid.
This summer I opened up about these "symtoms" in a therapy coaching group and the leader suggested that it's shock trauma PTSD and gave me a lot of hope that it's possible to work with. But my problem, or my fear is this: As soon as I start talking about it, I get overwhelmed by these symtoms. I want to/start to scream and kick and it feels so embarrising. I can supress it, but then I feel bad for days. It gets more intense when it's just me and a therapist, cause I get so much attention.
It's easier when the attention is devided in a group... so I was hoping to get some input here from people - is there such a thing as PTSD shock trauma group coaching? In a way that I can move forward, still not getting triggered all the time? And has anyone tried Somatic Integration? I went to a brainspotting session to see how it works, but it was the same thing, I could feel the overwhelming stuff coming up and stopped the exercise.
I have tried out so many things but a lot of therapist didn't know much of what they were doing. But any path I try to take seems to lead to that one event that I don't know about. If anyone has ideas or suggestions, I am happy about any comment! :) Thanks a lot!! <3
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