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Nevermore1984
I have had a life of trauma. As a child I was physically and emotionally abused. When I was 15 I lost 4 friends to sucide. At 16 I lost a friend to a horrific car wreck. At 19 I was attacked by a man with a hatchet. At 20 I had a friend violently murdered. I found the love of my life. Travel with work and while driving to a job saw a cop get shot in the head. I was distressed by this more then normal. It started making me feel like I was drowning. Then my brother was deployed and was involved in multiple bombings my mother got cancer and I got laid off from work and caught the love of my life having an affair in our house in our bed. I have been trying to deal with this but I am drowning. I have never slept. It is not uncommon for me to go 36 hours without sleep. I am climbing the walls I feel like I have a wall of tv's in my mind and each is playing an event from my past over and over. I have really never had " successful therapy". I have always been scared of being institutionalized. So I made it through life knowing what the correct responses to all the questions I was asked because I never wanted to be locked up. I am a visual thinker but I can't get the images out of my head. I feel like I am in the movie War Games playing tic tac toe with the computer. I am trying to find a way to make it all stop. I am almost 49 years old and I can't take it anymore I am tired of fighting with my mind. Does anyone have real advice things that actually work besides taking their drugs? Does emdr really work? Is there ever any relief to this?