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Undiagnosed Need guidance

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Nevermore1984

I have had a life of trauma. As a child I was physically and emotionally abused. When I was 15 I lost 4 friends to sucide. At 16 I lost a friend to a horrific car wreck. At 19 I was attacked by a man with a hatchet. At 20 I had a friend violently murdered. I found the love of my life. Travel with work and while driving to a job saw a cop get shot in the head. I was distressed by this more then normal. It started making me feel like I was drowning. Then my brother was deployed and was involved in multiple bombings my mother got cancer and I got laid off from work and caught the love of my life having an affair in our house in our bed. I have been trying to deal with this but I am drowning. I have never slept. It is not uncommon for me to go 36 hours without sleep. I am climbing the walls I feel like I have a wall of tv's in my mind and each is playing an event from my past over and over. I have really never had " successful therapy". I have always been scared of being institutionalized. So I made it through life knowing what the correct responses to all the questions I was asked because I never wanted to be locked up. I am a visual thinker but I can't get the images out of my head. I feel like I am in the movie War Games playing tic tac toe with the computer. I am trying to find a way to make it all stop. I am almost 49 years old and I can't take it anymore I am tired of fighting with my mind. Does anyone have real advice things that actually work besides taking their drugs? Does emdr really work? Is there ever any relief to this?
 
Does emdr really work?
Therapies targeted toward neurogenesis such as EMDR and psilocybin do work. Make sure you consult someone trained in both because neurogenesis is kind of like chemotherapy for the brain. It works, but it has serious side effects and it will change the way your brain processes information from what you are familiar with for 49 years. That can increase suicidal ideation and emotional lability until you find your stride.

Other therapies that are effective are GABA analogues, NMDA receptor antagonists, dissociative anaesthetics and SNRIs. Therapeutic interventions that are effective include CBT, DBT and narrative exposure. PTSD isn't easy but it is treatable, provided you encounter clinicians that are adequately trained to provide trauma therapy and not just reiterate "rate your mood from 1-10" worksheets.
 
Therapies targeted toward neurogenesis such as EMDR and psilocybin do work. Make sure you consult someone trained in both because neurogenesis is kind of like chemotherapy for the brain. It works, but it has serious side effects and it will change the way your brain processes information from what you are familiar with for 49 years. That can increase suicidal ideation and emotional lability until you find your stride.

Other therapies that are effective are GABA analogues, NMDA receptor antagonists, dissociative anaesthetics and SNRIs. Therapeutic interventions that are effective include CBT, DBT and narrative exposure. PTSD isn't easy but it is treatable, provided you encounter clinicians that are adequately trained to provide trauma therapy and not just reiterate "rate your mood from 1-10"

So it will change everything about you. I don't see how it's possible to fix just one area without it changing others. It seem like it will desensitize you emotionally. So you have no feelings. Like a safe lobotomy. Will you still be you? Or do you lose yourself.
 
It seem like it will desensitize you emotionally. So you have no feelings. Like a safe lobotomy. Will you still be you? Or do you lose yourself.
My experience with neurogenesis via psilocybin was the opposite.

I went from having absolutely zero emotions and struggling with affective empathy entirely to having emotional experiences. I did change as a person, but I don't feel that I lost myself as much as I gained a richer appreciation for my sense of humanity. "Myself" as I was, was a devoid shell.

EMDR, which is a much less drastic form of neurogenesis than psychedelic therapy, is a form of processing therapy. So it isn't going to affect your neurological capacity for emotional input as much as it will affect how you perceive your traumatic experiences.
 
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