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Losing my Mom.

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MyMomMySolace

It's been 3 weeks since I lose my Mama. She's only 54 years old and I'm 26yrs old. I felt like she haven't lived her life yet.

I tried to go back to normal, going back to work, finishing some projects.

But night would come and I'll be alone with my thoughts. The guilt for not giving my Mama a good life she deserve, for not taking care of her more. I should been with her more. She's my home, the only reason I tried to hard in life.

I miss her terribly.

From that day on, I can't fall asleep until daybreak, when I saw lights seeps through the window.

I feel so alone. I lose my purpose.

Why try hard to live?

But I have to support my jobless father, have to support my jobless sisters, need to help pay the house loan, need to pay utilities. I need to love so they can live.

But then night would come again, and I'll be alone realizing that I can no longer be with my mama, cannot hug her, laugh with her and dream together for our future.

Christmas is coming and I'm dreading it, cause I know we won't be a complete family ever again.
 
My mom died when she was 49 and I was 27. At the time, I was in grad school and went to the health center for some counseling. The counselors put together a small group of students who had all lost someone. They made the very important point that back 150 years ago, many people had experienced loss of their loved ones at an early age and there was a community experience of that. Now, that's not the case, and death of a loved one at a fairly young age can leave you in a very lonely place. So, I just wanted to say that your grief and your loneliness make so much sense, as painful as those experiences are.
 
So sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is hard, and if you can take advantage of them, there are grief support groups that can be helpful. Fortunately, the pain is not as sharp as time passes, but you never stop missing them. It is just the memories are bitter sweet and not emotionally devastating.
 
It's been 3 weeks since I lose my Mama. She's only 54 years old and I'm 26yrs old. I felt like she haven't lived her life yet.

I tried to go back to normal, going back to work, finishing some projects.

But night would come and I'll be alone with my thoughts. The guilt for not giving my Mama a good life she deserve, for not taking care of her more. I should been with her more. She's my home, the only reason I tried to hard in life.

I miss her terribly.

From that day on, I can't fall asleep until daybreak, when I saw lights seeps through the window.

I feel so alone. I lose my purpose.

Why try hard to live?

But I have to support my jobless father, have to support my jobless sisters, need to help pay the house loan, need to pay utilities. I need to love so they can live.

But then night would come again, and I'll be alone realizing that I can no longer be with my mama, cannot hug her, laugh with her and dream together for our future.

Christmas is coming and I'm dreading it, cause I know we won't be a complete family ever again.
I lost my mom a year ago on August 10th, 2021 I was 13 and I feel the same way I'm the youngest sister our of 4 so they all take care of me and my dad who live together and idk how I'm still going and I've picked up some really bad habits from my birth mom and my dad is a drunk who doesn't stop drinking now that he's retired and I cant see him like that and um Im in love with this girl and when i get home he yells at me and says you told me you were never gonna be gay and all of this BS *he was a pastor so he feels strongly about it* and he says its sad and it hurts like shit and when he's rarely sober he asks why i don't talk to him and he used to touch me when he was drunk and i already have really bad PTSD from my past with my birth mom and id tell him stop you're triggering me and hed say sorry, walk away, then come back and do it again and bc of so many people that have touched me my councilor wants me to go to a self defense class but idk if it'll help bc whenever it happens all i can do is freeze and i basically black out and i cant really remember it but i know they touched me and i cant go anywhere without a taser- only bc my sister said it'll help but even then i froze again and through all of it every night id have ptsd dreams of how my mom died and i can see them in the hospital pulling the tubes at 7:10 and i really need her. i was so close to her and i considered her as my real mom even tho i was adopted and i always cuddled her every night bc i couldn't sleep if i didn't and i wish i coulda had more time with her bc she was the nicest person id ever met and she always smiled even tho her mom, dad, and brother all died within the same year, when it came to their death days she always smiled and when it was their birthdays too shed do the same thing and the day before she died she called the oldest sister and said she had the best family and she wouldn't wanna live any other life:( i was so mean to her when i was younger and i put her against dad at least that's what he says ig, I'm sorry for ranting
 
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