This post has inspired me to do some research (when I can handle it) because how does one even begin to help a child who has been sexually abused?? I don't know the answer to that question, but I'd like to find out. In college, I was initially majoring in childhood development because I wanted to learn how to help kids like me. This post has reminded me of what's important to me, so thank you for that.
I do have some idea of what I would have liked my parents to do. My parents never seemed to notice or care that something was wrong with me, even though I showed clear signs of trauma. To them, I was always dramatic, silly, sensitive, misremembering, or making a big deal out of nothing. I hid my interests and any other information about myself from them because when they would try to inquire about them (I think to connect?) I would feel like they were mocking me. My parents rarely praised me. Any time my behavior was mentioned, it was to tell me that I was doing something wrong. I could never confide in my parents about anything serious because dad would get so stressed that he would give me a secondhand panic attack, and mom never knew how to show that she cared or pretend that she cared (one of my therapists suspected that she's on the spectrum). They were not emotionally safe, caring, or stable people to turn to. Both of my parents did a poor job of dealing with their emotions and ended up taking them out on everyone else.
So, I would have done the opposite of all that. lol. I would have gone to therapy to get my shit together before I had children. This really shouldn't be in past tense because they are exactly the same now.
I do have some idea of what I would have liked my parents to do. My parents never seemed to notice or care that something was wrong with me, even though I showed clear signs of trauma. To them, I was always dramatic, silly, sensitive, misremembering, or making a big deal out of nothing. I hid my interests and any other information about myself from them because when they would try to inquire about them (I think to connect?) I would feel like they were mocking me. My parents rarely praised me. Any time my behavior was mentioned, it was to tell me that I was doing something wrong. I could never confide in my parents about anything serious because dad would get so stressed that he would give me a secondhand panic attack, and mom never knew how to show that she cared or pretend that she cared (one of my therapists suspected that she's on the spectrum). They were not emotionally safe, caring, or stable people to turn to. Both of my parents did a poor job of dealing with their emotions and ended up taking them out on everyone else.
So, I would have done the opposite of all that. lol. I would have gone to therapy to get my shit together before I had children. This really shouldn't be in past tense because they are exactly the same now.