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Sufferer PTSD 20 years later

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Bachforte

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Hi everyone my name is Adam and in the early 2000’s I faced a demon in the shape of a caring mother that shot me 3 times point blank. I was in the middle of a horrible custody battle and had won the case, finally. I went to pick up my child and was greeted at the door by a 32 pointed directly at my heart. She pulled the trigger and I was hit just to the left of my sternum and in between the top two ribs. It ricocheted and broke multiple ribs at my back. As it was passing through my body it pierced my plural cavity and collapsed my left lung. I turned and tried to escape but the second shot was too fast. It put a trough through my right arm and the third entered my right pectoral. That bullet is still lodged in my diaphragm where it will stay. I was not the only victim as my mother rode with me. The gun was turned on her as the shooter assumed I was dying. That bullet destroyed my mothers driver window pelting her with glass. My mom rushed out of the car and threw herself on top of me as I lay bleeding to death in the cold autumn wind. I remember thinking the grass was the wrong color but soon realized it was coated with my blood. I had a pulsing chest wound from the collapsed lung and it was as if I was being stepped on by an elephant. I couldn’t move, I could only her my mother screaming on the phone to the police. This is when I saw the woman walk slowly up behind my mother and level the gun at us once again. At this moment the neighbor, who happened to be a retired fireman, put his gun to her head and commanded her to drop it. Her oldest son came out of the house, after quickly taking my child away from the scene, and disarmed her. This moment lasted no more than 5 minutes but left a lifetime of damage.
For nearly a year after the incident there had been nonnegative impact. Until one day I was stopped at a stop light next to the university football field and apparently they score a touchdown which triggered a cannon to go off. In the instance I was back on the ground bleeding to death. I could see the gun smoke I could smell the burning flesh and feel the track of the bullets through my body like fire. I experienced auditory and visual hallucinations that lasted for only seconds but was enough to change the course of my life forever.
After this I was no longer able to function in society. I became paranoid and overly on edge all the time. Anxiety attacked me daily to the degree that I would isolate in my room for days at a time. I abandoned an 80k a year job to wash dishes. This darkness lasted for almost 6 years.
I have come back a lot since then but the struggle is still daily. I have a professional job again and am on medicine. My diagnoses are PTSD and bi-polar2 even though I do have manic phases they are just fewer than a true bi-polar1. The lasting effects are I have an inability to establish and or maintain serious relationships because at my core I can’t trust people. I struggle with crowded places and will do everything in my power to avoid them. The nightmares have abated for the most part but when I have them I do wake up from my screaming. I am over 40 years old and feel like scared child most of the time.
This story has so much to it and I do feel alone. I have never done anything like this before and I hope something good can come from it. Maybe I can be of help to someone or maybe someone on here can be of help to me. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I am open to all conversations.
 
I am so sorry for the events you describe! I can't imagine the terror of those moments nor the stunning reason for being shot. It's obvious what kind of person she was/is.

You have found a safe place to learn to find healing and support. I have been a member for 10+ years and have been helpful beyond words.

Blessings of peace and progress sent to you and yours! You can get better!💙
 
Until one day I was stopped at a stop light next to the university football field and apparently they score a touchdown which triggered a cannon to go off.

I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Every day at 12pm in downtown Halifax they shoot off a cannon. I live in the Dartmouth area, so I was not accustomed to this and did not know it was going to happen. I've been here most of my life and just never experienced this before and was totally unprepared for it. I completely lost control of all of my limbs and was down on the ground on my stomach with my hands over my head in full street view, in public, with everyone around me concerned I was having some type of medical emergency. I am pretty sure I blacked out at some point.

The trauma of these things is something that lives in your neurological wiring, so don't feel bad that you may have these types of reactions until those associations become "unwired" through gradual therapeutic processes aimed at reducing your subjective distress levels. I was never personally shot, but I have been around many who have, I have watched people die, and I have operated firearms myself.

To this day I have auditory hallucinations of gunshots when I hear just basic noises, sometimes completely unrelated in any manner to what a gun sounds like but yet my brain floods my entire body with cortisol and adrenaline and my mind shuts off and enters "crisis trauma detachment mode" where I methodically pace and inspect my environment and "prepare for the worst." (That is, being in my living room.)

Anyway, you're absolutely in the right place. I'm very sorry for what occurred to bring you here, but I'm glad you've found us. Peace to you.
 
So sorry for what happened to you and your family. You found a safe place. Welcome. 💐
Thank you. Some days the tears will not stop

I am so sorry for the events you describe! I can't imagine the terror of those moments nor the stunning reason for being shot. It's obvious what kind of person she was/is.

You have found a safe place to learn to find healing and support. I have been a member for 10+ years and have been helpful beyond words.

Blessings of peace and progress sent to you and yours! You can get better!💙
She was family and I have no words. Thank you

I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Every day at 12pm in downtown Halifax they shoot off a cannon. I live in the Dartmouth area, so I was not accustomed to this and did not know it was going to happen. I've been here most of my life and just never experienced this before and was totally unprepared for it. I completely lost control of all of my limbs and was down on the ground on my stomach with my hands over my head in full street view, in public, with everyone around me concerned I was having some type of medical emergency. I am pretty sure I blacked out at some point.

The trauma of these things is something that lives in your neurological wiring, so don't feel bad that you may have these types of reactions until those associations become "unwired" through gradual therapeutic processes aimed at reducing your subjective distress levels. I was never personally shot, but I have been around many who have, I have watched people die, and I have operated firearms myself.

To this day I have auditory hallucinations of gunshots when I hear just basic noises, sometimes completely unrelated in any manner to what a gun sounds like but yet my brain floods my entire body with cortisol and adrenaline and my mind shuts off and enters "crisis trauma detachment mode" where I methodically pace and inspect my environment and "prepare for the worst." (That is, being in my living room.)

Anyway, you're absolutely in the right place. I'm very sorry for what occurred to bring you here, but I'm glad you've found us. Peace to you.
I have not had an incident quite like that since but the damage it brought to life will be with me forever. Thank you for caring
 
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