In 1963, my mother smothered me to death and then brought me back to life by smashing my face into the faucet in the bathroom sink. I have been asking the same question for 55 years that I believe most of us do …… why would God allow such horrible things to happen to an innocent child? Why did He hate me so much?
What I did not know then was that He had already drawn out my escape plan. My brain was badly injured during the incident and when it started to heal I became a savant. In eighth grade, my math teacher caught site of my abilities and, as the rest of the kids were learning algebra, I taught myself calculus. Professionally, I achieved much, but I sucked at relationships because I knew no self worth. It was no coincidence that in 2012 I was introduced to the head of USC’s childhood trauma department. She was intrigued by my story and met with me for a year for no fee. In our last session, she suggested that I should forgive my family for what had happened. I asked her politely, “What is forgiveness?” She did not have an answer, so I had to get the answer myself.
This is what I learned. Forgiveness requires BLAME. We don’t excuse the people that hurt us, we blame them! Forgiveness is for our personal peace. When I forgive, I do not seek retaliation, I remind myself constantly that all humans are prone to error, and I find it somewhere in my heart to wish my enemies a good life. There is no law that states that we have to remain in a relationship with the ones that hurt us. Forgiveness is essential for maintaining inner peace.
This physical and emotional pain never seems to go away. I have lived a life full of anxiety and had to learn how to look at anxiety differently. Most people look at adversity as a negative: (-) Adversity (+) Solution = Nothing. That’s just wrong in reasoning and logic. Here is how I look at adversity: (+) Adversity (+) Solution = (+) Insight -or- (+) Adversity (+) Insight = (+) Solution.
God has never hated me. Yes, He gave me a hard story to walk through, but He also opened every door along the way in order for me to succeed. I don’t own my life. He does, and I know for certain that I have pleased Him. It’s all in our perspective of life. I have the right to be a victim but I refuse to be one. I am a conqueror and will remain acting like a conqueror for eternity. God wants us all to succeed, regardless of our beginnings. We are never alone.
Merry Christmas to all.
What I did not know then was that He had already drawn out my escape plan. My brain was badly injured during the incident and when it started to heal I became a savant. In eighth grade, my math teacher caught site of my abilities and, as the rest of the kids were learning algebra, I taught myself calculus. Professionally, I achieved much, but I sucked at relationships because I knew no self worth. It was no coincidence that in 2012 I was introduced to the head of USC’s childhood trauma department. She was intrigued by my story and met with me for a year for no fee. In our last session, she suggested that I should forgive my family for what had happened. I asked her politely, “What is forgiveness?” She did not have an answer, so I had to get the answer myself.
This is what I learned. Forgiveness requires BLAME. We don’t excuse the people that hurt us, we blame them! Forgiveness is for our personal peace. When I forgive, I do not seek retaliation, I remind myself constantly that all humans are prone to error, and I find it somewhere in my heart to wish my enemies a good life. There is no law that states that we have to remain in a relationship with the ones that hurt us. Forgiveness is essential for maintaining inner peace.
This physical and emotional pain never seems to go away. I have lived a life full of anxiety and had to learn how to look at anxiety differently. Most people look at adversity as a negative: (-) Adversity (+) Solution = Nothing. That’s just wrong in reasoning and logic. Here is how I look at adversity: (+) Adversity (+) Solution = (+) Insight -or- (+) Adversity (+) Insight = (+) Solution.
God has never hated me. Yes, He gave me a hard story to walk through, but He also opened every door along the way in order for me to succeed. I don’t own my life. He does, and I know for certain that I have pleased Him. It’s all in our perspective of life. I have the right to be a victim but I refuse to be one. I am a conqueror and will remain acting like a conqueror for eternity. God wants us all to succeed, regardless of our beginnings. We are never alone.
Merry Christmas to all.