I've been in therapy since I was 12, and I'm 32 now. I've done a lot of work on my traumas, and I know that I've made a lot of progress. But it's feeling like the more work I do to process my trauma, feel my feelings, and make my brain a safe place to live, the more memories I recover of horrific things that happened to me in my upbringing. I know that this is a sign that it's becoming safe/r to remember them, and that's a good thing. But holy shit it's so overwhelming to remember all of this. I feel like I know too much of my upbringing, like it was better when the trauma was a vague Knowing that didn't have any details. Before I remembered I didn't have sensory flashbacks like I do now, I didn't dream about it or get reminded of this category of my traumas on a daily basis. I used to think that the worst thing that had happened to me was marrying someone who later threatened to kill me. But now it feels like that's more of a "minor" trauma compared to the things I've remembered in the last ~2 years.
I know I can't undo what happened to me, but I really wish I could unremember it all.
I know I can't undo what happened to me, but I really wish I could unremember it all.