QuirkyTofurkey
Confident
TL;DR - Is it normal that after 5-6 months of no success with EMDR and Imagery Rescripting, they now think I have a personality or development disorder that needs to be tested for? I personally think they're jumping to conclusions, but am open to your input.
I was diagnosed with PTSD for childhood sexual abuse about 2 years ago. I was on a 1 year waitlist for EMDR treatment. We finally started. As someone who has very effective (but obviously messed up) coping mechanisms, I think I did the right thing by explaining that I needed some semblance of structure, and someone to "hold my hand" at the start of treatment. For more concrete requests, I did my research and asked if the therapist could (a) walk me through the EMDR treatment process (aka, what to expect, how best to prepare, what to look out for, etc.) in the first few sessions, and then (b) spend 5-10 minutes doing a "checking-in" or some grounding techniques after each session. (AKA "please don't end these virtual sessions with me alone in my apartment, sobbing and wanting to kill myself").
The EMDR therapist was always sympathetic to my requests when I expressed them, but he failed to give me what I asked for. We repeatedly ran out of time, and we'd end sessions with me completely distraught. When I did have the mental energy to challenge him and remind him I wanted a grounding activity, he would say that actually those techniques are no longer used in EMDR treatment.
I was already having weekly sessions, and they were always overwhelming. It took me about 5 days to recover, and before I knew it I was doing EMDR again and falling apart again. And wanting to die again. Then my therapist proposed meeting 2x a week over the summer, because people were on holiday so he had more availability (and not because it was necessarily better for my treatment). Later when I would challenge him again, and say I can't handle 2x a week, he came up with a new story that actually more frequent EMDR sessions were good for me.
I kept raising my hand and saying when things were too overwhelming, or when I was feeling suicidal, or when I desperately needed a break. Nothing changed. He pushed me or would "listen sympathetically" and take no action. One day it got especially bad and tried to kill myself. Thankfully my loved ones were able to intervene and help me. My partner was very upset. He'd seen me raise my hand and ask for help and fall apart, and trusted that my EMDR therapist knew what he was doing and was giving the right guidance.
After the suicide scare, we met with the therapist and head of treatment. We called them out for how they've been handling the treatment. I felt I was reasonable when I said I was fine to work with the same therapist again but he needed to change his approach and actually listen to my very simple requests. Otherwise, to please give me another EMDR therapist.
They decided to re-assess the whole treatment plan. They then randomly came back with a new story saying that I may have a personality or developmental disorder due to the ongoing abuse from the rest of my family. This "personality" thing had never come up in the multiple "intake assessments" I underwent when I was first diagnosed, and it never came up as a discussion topic any other time. It only came up after my partner and I called them out for (more or less) malpractice.
My priority is to just get better and to lead a normal life. I don't care if I also have a personality or developmental disorder that needs to be treated. I'll do whatever it takes to get better. But I think it's fair from my end to find this really fishy...like some sort of deflection or excuse, rather than accepting that their EMDR specialist messed up. Am I missing something? Does anyone have any input or perspective on this?
I was diagnosed with PTSD for childhood sexual abuse about 2 years ago. I was on a 1 year waitlist for EMDR treatment. We finally started. As someone who has very effective (but obviously messed up) coping mechanisms, I think I did the right thing by explaining that I needed some semblance of structure, and someone to "hold my hand" at the start of treatment. For more concrete requests, I did my research and asked if the therapist could (a) walk me through the EMDR treatment process (aka, what to expect, how best to prepare, what to look out for, etc.) in the first few sessions, and then (b) spend 5-10 minutes doing a "checking-in" or some grounding techniques after each session. (AKA "please don't end these virtual sessions with me alone in my apartment, sobbing and wanting to kill myself").
The EMDR therapist was always sympathetic to my requests when I expressed them, but he failed to give me what I asked for. We repeatedly ran out of time, and we'd end sessions with me completely distraught. When I did have the mental energy to challenge him and remind him I wanted a grounding activity, he would say that actually those techniques are no longer used in EMDR treatment.
I was already having weekly sessions, and they were always overwhelming. It took me about 5 days to recover, and before I knew it I was doing EMDR again and falling apart again. And wanting to die again. Then my therapist proposed meeting 2x a week over the summer, because people were on holiday so he had more availability (and not because it was necessarily better for my treatment). Later when I would challenge him again, and say I can't handle 2x a week, he came up with a new story that actually more frequent EMDR sessions were good for me.
I kept raising my hand and saying when things were too overwhelming, or when I was feeling suicidal, or when I desperately needed a break. Nothing changed. He pushed me or would "listen sympathetically" and take no action. One day it got especially bad and tried to kill myself. Thankfully my loved ones were able to intervene and help me. My partner was very upset. He'd seen me raise my hand and ask for help and fall apart, and trusted that my EMDR therapist knew what he was doing and was giving the right guidance.
After the suicide scare, we met with the therapist and head of treatment. We called them out for how they've been handling the treatment. I felt I was reasonable when I said I was fine to work with the same therapist again but he needed to change his approach and actually listen to my very simple requests. Otherwise, to please give me another EMDR therapist.
They decided to re-assess the whole treatment plan. They then randomly came back with a new story saying that I may have a personality or developmental disorder due to the ongoing abuse from the rest of my family. This "personality" thing had never come up in the multiple "intake assessments" I underwent when I was first diagnosed, and it never came up as a discussion topic any other time. It only came up after my partner and I called them out for (more or less) malpractice.
My priority is to just get better and to lead a normal life. I don't care if I also have a personality or developmental disorder that needs to be treated. I'll do whatever it takes to get better. But I think it's fair from my end to find this really fishy...like some sort of deflection or excuse, rather than accepting that their EMDR specialist messed up. Am I missing something? Does anyone have any input or perspective on this?