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Wife constantly tells me I’m unlovable. I’m starting to think she might be right. Anyone else ever made to feel this way?

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I am a survivor of child abuse and I am only now dealing with the core issues. To be exact I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD, OCD, GAD and Major Depressive Disorder. I have been married for 13 years and the marriage is coming to an end. My wife and her family are dismissive of my mental health issues and call me “crazy”. I’ve been working hard on the issues (inpatient, residential, PHP and IOP). I started in a Focus program learning the different program buckets like CBT, DBT and Art therapy. Now I’m working on my CPTSD and it’s overwhelming at times. My wife has had enough of my mental health issues… one time telling me to get the f out of the house and take mental diseases with me. This was while I was in residential care on a 4 hour pass to come home and see the kids. Her parents put down my mental health issues telling her daughter she can do better than me etc etc.

I’m looking forward to moving on but do not have much support outside of a couple of friends. The more I watch TED talks - I started to realize there are others like me.

My wife constantly tells me I’m unlovable. I wrote in my schema journal that I’m starting to think she might be right.

Anyone else ever made to feel this way?
 
one time telling me to get the f out of the house and take mental diseases with me.

My wife constantly tells me I’m unlovable.
I’m really sorry that you’ve experienced that. It’s horrible, and definitely wouldn’t be acceptable for most people.

It sounds like you’re working pretty hard on your recovery, which is something to be proud of.
 
Yes I have, fortunately however not with a spouse.

I think you can only go forward, and keep doing so to heal. Sounds like you are working very hard, and yes I am sure it is very draining. And added negatives are worse than neutral. But loving someone they should be happy you are doing so. Most people don't realize therapy makes things worse- harder than going through it the 1st time they say. Someone once told me, a Veteran here, most people also need a lot of education regarding ptsd. I think with pretty much most everything else as well, including myself.

Welcome to you and I hope you will hang on to every inch of healing that comes. Peace to you.
 
My marriage of 15 years dissolved when I accepted that I had experienced csa by my dad and began recovery in earnest. It took two years to fall apart completely. I tried to make it work and I think he did kind of. I think before recovery I was a different person and it’s pretty typical for survivors to be in codependent and abusive relationships with people who have symptoms of personality disorder. I’m am not saying your wife has a personality disorder but she is, like my ex was, it sounds, unable to relate to you as a person who prioritizes mental health—it’s threatening to some people, unfortunately.
Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate these difficult waters. You are exceptionally brave to be doing this work.
 
My marriage of 15 years dissolved when I accepted that I had experienced csa by my dad and began recovery in earnest. It took two years to fall apart completely. I tried to make it work and I think he did kind of. I think before recovery I was a different person and it’s pretty typical for survivors to be in codependent and abusive relationships with people who have symptoms of personality disorder. I’m am not saying your wife has a personality disorder but she is, like my ex was, it sounds, unable to relate to you as a person who prioritizes mental health—it’s threatening to some people, unfortunately.
Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate these difficult waters. You are exceptionally brave to be doing this work.
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement.
My big takeaway…. The stigma is real and can live under your roof.
 
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That is really horrible! You wouldn't say to her if she got diagnosed with cancer - Get the f out and take your cancer diseases with you! I understand in a way how this feels. I hope you continue to recover and gain happiness.
 
Anyone else ever made to feel this way?
Yes & No.

I’ve been the asshole that made it impossible -or at least very stupid- to love me….

…AND I’ve been with a couple of assholes who attempted to convince me that they were the “only” blah blah blah, because no one else ever could blah blah blah.

2 very different things.

The first group? I cannot even begin to count the number of really great guys I drove crazy / drove away &/or broke their hearts. There were a lot. My untreated PTSD left me very… wild. Adrenaline junkie, death wish driven, impulsive, violent, hedonistic, just to name a few of my better qualities. And I’m not being sarcastic, there, although I know it might sound like it. I was spectacularly f*cked up.

The second group? Snicker. I’ve loved too much, with too many, to even begin to take them at face value. “Who are you going to believe? Me?!? Or your own eyes?” Cha. Been there. Heard that. Sadly, by my exHusband. To be fair? I married him, in no small part, because he DGAF who I was. So the fact that he was so much of a coward to not be able to admit that HE didn’t love me, but had to hide behind “no one could love me”… is entirely a statement about him. Not me.

So, yes. I’be been to blame for pushing people away, being impossible, running, the whole 9 yards.

I’ve also dated a couple of asshats who are so full of themselves, and yet so insecure, as to never own any thought/feeling; that if they “xyz” then eeeeeeveryone MUST “xyz”.

No idea what’s going on with you & your STBXW. Whether you’ve been being impossible, or they’re a cowardly twat.
 
I am a survivor of child abuse and I am only now dealing with the core issues. To be exact I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD, OCD, GAD and Major Depressive Disorder. I have been married for 13 years and the marriage is coming to an end. My wife and her family are dismissive of my mental health issues and call me “crazy”. I’ve been working hard on the issues (inpatient, residential, PHP and IOP). I started in a Focus program learning the different program buckets like CBT, DBT and Art therapy. Now I’m working on my CPTSD and it’s overwhelming at times. My wife has had enough of my mental health issues… one time telling me to get the f out of the house and take mental diseases with me. This was while I was in residential care on a 4 hour pass to come home and see the kids. Her parents put down my mental health issues telling her daughter she can do better than me etc etc.

I’m looking forward to moving on but do not have much support outside of a couple of friends. The more I watch TED talks - I started to realize there are others like me.

My wife constantly tells me I’m unlovable. I wrote in my schema journal that I’m starting to think she might be right.

Anyone else ever made to feel this way?
Regardless of all the details and the entire situation, you can tackle this problem by telling yourself it isn't true. You ARE lovable.

If you have doubts about that, explore it with a therapist and work on loving yourself.

But don't put yourself in a place where people will say that to you. No one deserves that.
 
Yes & No.

I’ve been the asshole that made it impossible -or at least very stupid- to love me….

…AND I’ve been with a couple of assholes who attempted to convince me that they were the “only” blah blah blah, because no one else ever could blah blah blah.

2 very different things.

The first group? I cannot even begin to count the number of really great guys I drove crazy / drove away &/or broke their hearts. There were a lot. My untreated PTSD left me very… wild. Adrenaline junkie, death wish driven, impulsive, violent, hedonistic, just to name a few of my better qualities. And I’m not being sarcastic, there, although I know it might sound like it. I was spectacularly f*cked up.

The second group? Snicker. I’ve loved too much, with too many, to even begin to take them at face value. “Who are you going to believe? Me?!? Or your own eyes?” Cha. Been there. Heard that. Sadly, by my exHusband. To be fair? I married him, in no small part, because he DGAF who I was. So the fact that he was so much of a coward to not be able to admit that HE didn’t love me, but had to hide behind “no one could love me”… is entirely a statement about him. Not me.

So, yes. I’be been to blame for pushing people away, being impossible, running, the whole 9 yards.

I’ve also dated a couple of asshats who are so full of themselves, and yet so insecure, as to never own any thought/feeling; that if they “xyz” then eeeeeeveryone MUST “xyz”.

No idea what’s going on with you & your STBXW. Whether you’ve been being impossible, or they’re a cowardly twat.
Like anything there is two sides. No comment is made in a vacuum. I have been impossible to deal with at times. I guess my point is there are stigmas that go along with these diagnosis. I was hoping for support as I make my way through this process. It just wasn’t there.

Thank you for the note. I appreciate all the feedback!
 
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