Ive had PTSD for 6 years now its more of a freeze variety.I got it from a massive panic attack that i got after smoking some weed that made me feel like i was literally dying.The worst part about it is that my entire f*cking right side of my body is frozen muscularly.Yes i can move it and use it but it feels disconnected and sort of like a ragdoll.I literally want to cry from frustration BECAUSE I CANT f*ckING WEIGHT LIFT OR DO SPORTS ! I f*ckING CANT ! Every time i try to lift weights or do anything sports related my right side just wont work properly and thus the muscles arent properly trained and i make 0 progress.Apart from that i cant partake on sports that i like because due to the ragdoly nature of things i feel like my joints are going to pop off and some times i almosted poped them off.PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME f*ckING EXIST ! Sports was my no1 way of relieving stress and anxiety and now i cant do that i feel so trapped.I have tried everything from TRE,to EMDR,to EFT,to the Daily Practise by the Crappy Childhood fairy and grounding technics but the muscles wont fix themselfs in the long run.I fix them for a few days and then bam were back at it.Now i came here to vent and somewhat get info because i believe im doing a lot of progress the last few months.Ive discovered what cognitive distortions are by Emma Mc Adam from Therapy in a Nutshell and ive made a 180 turn.
Now lets get to the questions.I dont know if following my values is really something that helps and that ACT therapy will do anything for me.Sure it has helped thats how my brain functions currently and im able to come here and write but the thing is that the muscles arent fixed so does it really matter ? I followed my values almost for a year fully and the thing was going really good but then i almost lost a close relative and broke a the chain of doing what my head was telling me.The thing is that my mind was telling me to stop what it considered a bad habbit,which was playing occasionally video games (didnt even affect my life negatively) and when i didnt stop that habit it was hell let loose.I just couldnt sell my PC and do the next step and after that i felt super shit and all the PTSD came back.After that i got CPTSD which was mostly my inner critic gaining a life of his own and making me feel shit.It took me a lot of time to change that but i did with Emma McAdams videos.The thing is as i already asked,would it really have been different if i had sold my pc ? To be honest i dont like playing regularly video games but i dont feel like selling a 1500 euros PC is something i can do.Its not like im selling a pair of shoes.Finaly does anyone know how do i make my f*cking muscles work like they should ? They feel stuck in place as ive already said.As i said if it wasnt for this i wouldnt give a single shit about emotions sports and a normal life that would come from them would fix most of the problem.
I also heard that people did shrooms and even other stuff and they got unstuck but i dont know if i want to go down that path.But if theres no other choise id rather do it
Im sorry for being all over the place but its all i can do with all this frustration
Now lets get to the questions.I dont know if following my values is really something that helps and that ACT therapy will do anything for me.Sure it has helped thats how my brain functions currently and im able to come here and write but the thing is that the muscles arent fixed so does it really matter ? I followed my values almost for a year fully and the thing was going really good but then i almost lost a close relative and broke a the chain of doing what my head was telling me.The thing is that my mind was telling me to stop what it considered a bad habbit,which was playing occasionally video games (didnt even affect my life negatively) and when i didnt stop that habit it was hell let loose.I just couldnt sell my PC and do the next step and after that i felt super shit and all the PTSD came back.After that i got CPTSD which was mostly my inner critic gaining a life of his own and making me feel shit.It took me a lot of time to change that but i did with Emma McAdams videos.The thing is as i already asked,would it really have been different if i had sold my pc ? To be honest i dont like playing regularly video games but i dont feel like selling a 1500 euros PC is something i can do.Its not like im selling a pair of shoes.Finaly does anyone know how do i make my f*cking muscles work like they should ? They feel stuck in place as ive already said.As i said if it wasnt for this i wouldnt give a single shit about emotions sports and a normal life that would come from them would fix most of the problem.
I also heard that people did shrooms and even other stuff and they got unstuck but i dont know if i want to go down that path.But if theres no other choise id rather do it
Im sorry for being all over the place but its all i can do with all this frustration