Yeah, this is crazy. People want to get rid of these things.
My reaction to childhood SA, PA, CEN was to go hypo -- block or numb emotions. This was better than the uncontrolled emo dysregulation. But I locked down for decades. I'm waking up 50 years later.
I don't have lots of flashbacks. But a huge part of the progress I've made in healing lies in these flashbacks. In the immediate aftermath, or sometimes during, if they aren't too intrusive, I make more progress than I do in weeks of my normal routine.
Most of my flashbacks are what I call "emo-flashes" A sudden mood change. I go inside with compassion and curiosity and try to contact the broken shard of me and reassure and welcome him into my life.
I also get somatic flashbacks -- soma-flash. These have been really weird. Teeth chattering shivering while not actually cold. Sinking feeling of fear or dread, without feeling fear or dread.
The most recent was triggered by hurting my wrist on a wilderness trip. That night I had a pain flashback. Some monster force was crushing my wrist. Shriek level pain, coupled with surprise, confusion, betrayal. No fear with it.
I *knew* it was a flashback. I welcomed it. Each of these gives me a glimpse of the Forgotten Times.
Most of my flashbacks are in that half world between sleep and waking. I think only then are the barriers thin enough for my shards to be heard.
how do I get more flashbacks?
How do I thin the partition between my internal worlds?
My reaction to childhood SA, PA, CEN was to go hypo -- block or numb emotions. This was better than the uncontrolled emo dysregulation. But I locked down for decades. I'm waking up 50 years later.
I don't have lots of flashbacks. But a huge part of the progress I've made in healing lies in these flashbacks. In the immediate aftermath, or sometimes during, if they aren't too intrusive, I make more progress than I do in weeks of my normal routine.
Most of my flashbacks are what I call "emo-flashes" A sudden mood change. I go inside with compassion and curiosity and try to contact the broken shard of me and reassure and welcome him into my life.
I also get somatic flashbacks -- soma-flash. These have been really weird. Teeth chattering shivering while not actually cold. Sinking feeling of fear or dread, without feeling fear or dread.
The most recent was triggered by hurting my wrist on a wilderness trip. That night I had a pain flashback. Some monster force was crushing my wrist. Shriek level pain, coupled with surprise, confusion, betrayal. No fear with it.
I *knew* it was a flashback. I welcomed it. Each of these gives me a glimpse of the Forgotten Times.
Most of my flashbacks are in that half world between sleep and waking. I think only then are the barriers thin enough for my shards to be heard.
how do I get more flashbacks?
How do I thin the partition between my internal worlds?