hi, i can't tell if what happened to me was cocsa or not
ive had memories of the incident for a few years now but whenever they come back i tend to bury them, but today something triggered me and ive been looking into cocsa to try and grasp the situation and i keep finding sorta conflicting? information. the issue here is the age gap between me and the perpetrator: shes only 3 months older than me and we were both 5-6yo at the time. from what ive seen its generally not considered cosca unless theres at least a 2 year gap
to give a bit more detail, shes my cousin and she introduced me to porn around that same age. she taught me how to masturbate. she pressured me into having sex (never painted it as a game like playing house or doctor, just as a fun thing to do, because she showed me sex is fun in porn...) whenever we would spend time at each others houses and i went along with it at first, finding it enjoyable, but i remember a time when i was so deeply disgusted by the whole thing and wanted to stop doing all of it - she convinced me otherwise for a few more months, but eventually did stop and never brought it up again
i do believe there was a power imbalance (my family always painted her as an older figure despite our age difference being only 3 months, and she did act the part) but i havent had the chance to discuss this with anyone so i just dont know. does it count as cosca? was i abused? i went along willingly at first and was never firm when saying no
im almost 22 now and realizing that i got messed up by this whole thing. between hypersexuality and anxiety and EDs and a lot of burned bridges (i cant stand being around that side of the family anymore) i can trace a lot of it back to this. its hard for me to put it into words so i tried to be as concise as possible. knowing what to call it would help
ive had memories of the incident for a few years now but whenever they come back i tend to bury them, but today something triggered me and ive been looking into cocsa to try and grasp the situation and i keep finding sorta conflicting? information. the issue here is the age gap between me and the perpetrator: shes only 3 months older than me and we were both 5-6yo at the time. from what ive seen its generally not considered cosca unless theres at least a 2 year gap
to give a bit more detail, shes my cousin and she introduced me to porn around that same age. she taught me how to masturbate. she pressured me into having sex (never painted it as a game like playing house or doctor, just as a fun thing to do, because she showed me sex is fun in porn...) whenever we would spend time at each others houses and i went along with it at first, finding it enjoyable, but i remember a time when i was so deeply disgusted by the whole thing and wanted to stop doing all of it - she convinced me otherwise for a few more months, but eventually did stop and never brought it up again
i do believe there was a power imbalance (my family always painted her as an older figure despite our age difference being only 3 months, and she did act the part) but i havent had the chance to discuss this with anyone so i just dont know. does it count as cosca? was i abused? i went along willingly at first and was never firm when saying no
im almost 22 now and realizing that i got messed up by this whole thing. between hypersexuality and anxiety and EDs and a lot of burned bridges (i cant stand being around that side of the family anymore) i can trace a lot of it back to this. its hard for me to put it into words so i tried to be as concise as possible. knowing what to call it would help