I have not had a trigger in a long time. But I was exhausted yesterday and my boyfriend wanted to wrestle. Usually wrestling isn't a big deal. I do get scared sometimes, I'm afraid he's going to pin me down and not let me move and I get claustrophobic.
Past context, my stepdad used to pin me down and prevent me from moving around. I would freak out and he would tell me to relax my mind. He's going to force me to relax my mind to not be scared of being pinned down anymore. But it had the opposite effect. I, instead, dissociated, which looked like "calming down" to him. He wouldn't let me up until he wanted to.
Fast forward, I am always weary my boyfriend will pin me down but he would always stop when I said I was claustrophobic. Well this time, I kept asking him to stop, and then I realized he wasn't going to. And I started crying and begging him to stop. He did but took offense to me freaking out.
He said I've been moody all week and he feels like he walks on egg shells. I reminded him I have PTSD but then he just says, "so do I".
I told him his PTSD was different from mine. I tried to explain triggers to him but he didn't want to hear it.
Am I just destined not to be in a relationship? I can't move out of his house due to finances. But do people really think I say I have PTSD just to have a label? NO, I HAVE PTSD!!!!
And I can't and will not explain PTSD to someone who doesn't want to listen. I refuse to waste my time trying to educate someone on my disorder when they don't want to be educated.
This is so frustrating! Part of me feels like it's also an energy issue. He has a high sex drive and I used to match him but the medication I'm on for depression and depleted my sex drive tremendously. I'm not active at all, not anymore anyway. This is different from when I met him. When I met him I was not on any medication. He said I could live day and night in the bed and that is very much true. The only reason I leave the bed is because I HAVE to, otherwise that is where you'll find me.
Perhaps this relationship is not the same with my medication. Maybe it's time to try and taper off my antidepressant. Will discuss with my doctor.
Past context, my stepdad used to pin me down and prevent me from moving around. I would freak out and he would tell me to relax my mind. He's going to force me to relax my mind to not be scared of being pinned down anymore. But it had the opposite effect. I, instead, dissociated, which looked like "calming down" to him. He wouldn't let me up until he wanted to.
Fast forward, I am always weary my boyfriend will pin me down but he would always stop when I said I was claustrophobic. Well this time, I kept asking him to stop, and then I realized he wasn't going to. And I started crying and begging him to stop. He did but took offense to me freaking out.
He said I've been moody all week and he feels like he walks on egg shells. I reminded him I have PTSD but then he just says, "so do I".
I told him his PTSD was different from mine. I tried to explain triggers to him but he didn't want to hear it.
Am I just destined not to be in a relationship? I can't move out of his house due to finances. But do people really think I say I have PTSD just to have a label? NO, I HAVE PTSD!!!!
And I can't and will not explain PTSD to someone who doesn't want to listen. I refuse to waste my time trying to educate someone on my disorder when they don't want to be educated.
This is so frustrating! Part of me feels like it's also an energy issue. He has a high sex drive and I used to match him but the medication I'm on for depression and depleted my sex drive tremendously. I'm not active at all, not anymore anyway. This is different from when I met him. When I met him I was not on any medication. He said I could live day and night in the bed and that is very much true. The only reason I leave the bed is because I HAVE to, otherwise that is where you'll find me.
Perhaps this relationship is not the same with my medication. Maybe it's time to try and taper off my antidepressant. Will discuss with my doctor.