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Heisenberg
Learning
Interesting! I had a bipolar kind of existence for years. I gave up everything which would change my brain chemistry; coffee, cigarettes, tea, and alcohol. It made a difference in a couple of weeks! Aspartame is very bad for your digestion and colon cancer is a genuine risk! Being hurt now that I have ended things is normal but I must not let the empath in me create an abnormal reaction, that's why I'm doing therapy. Yes, it can be wonderful to be an empath and when I was dabbling in that terrible online dating thing it made it soooooo much easier! But for me, being an empath can also be very, very hard - and I choose the word hard rather than the word difficult.I have been down this road before. I was severely abused in a short, but horribly destructive relationship in 2013, causing my ptsd (cptsd) diagnosis.
I've learned a few things since then.
Number 1 - happiness is a choice. In that lies that nobody can take away my happiness. I can choose to be happy every second and every moment of my life. I am a happy person, and I allow myself to be happy. I never judge myself for feeling happy about the silliest things, even in the midst of disaster. :-) I have no trouble being happy, even when life is hard. THAT is a gift I'm happy I have. :-p
Number 2 - I cannot drink caffeine or aspartame as both ruin my mental stability. I have been on caffeine lately, so I am off due to that too.
Number 3 - One must move on, and not linger in old wounds. But it is easier said than done, so I allow myself to explore thoughts more than what is healthy, I cannot easily let go of questions like "why did it happen?" and "what went wrong?", it seems. I guess this is the core of trauma, btw - to not let go. But unlike in 2013, when I didn't dare to cut contact with my abuser, I have this time cut all contact with my ex. I read something you wrote somewhere about not being over the person but knowing that the relationship is over. That. Took me forever to understand, so well done!
Why? you asked. Because it happened, is the only answer you'll ever get, I believe. Probably nobody wanted it to happen, but it did. And now it is too late to change it. It already happened.
Can you see the light at the end of your personal tunnel?
**I am so sorry you had an abusive relationship. I don't understand why anyone would want to hurt you and it was so, so very wrong. What things do you really enjoy doing these days? For me they are music and motorbikes!
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