My husband is bad at sex. I know it sounds judgmental, after all, who the hell am I.
When we me, I had been the victim of a marital rape, quite regularly. So when sex wasn't a priority, I was glad. First guy I met that was this way to be honest. It was refreshing.
Then when we did have sex, he got his goodies, but I didn't get mine, I thought it would get better. Again, so grateful for his being gently. I married him, thinking it would get better. It didnt. I already had a daughter that was 11 when we had a new daughter. By this time, I was getting really frustrated. I came across a magazine ad for a "Better Sex Video", because frankly, when I brought up the subject of oral sex or anything else, he literally called me a pervert and withdrew.
Well we watched the video which included oral sex, mutual masterbation and normal stuff. The video itself turned him on and he accepted this little bit of spice. lol
So now, I could get off when he gave me oral sex...but he could still never penetrate me more that 5 seconds before coming. Sex was always super quick, like under a minute. I expressed that I wanted to feel him inside of me but he dismissed it. One time after a Christmas party with alcohol, I cried and expressed it to him. His excuse was always the same, that I turned him on too much. By now, I knew better.
We had other issues in out marriage, like raising children and dividing housework. Finally we got to be too divided and separated. I was in grad school. Wasn't long that I started dating someone who had been our marriage counselor. Since it had been years, was a moot point. However, the guy had a history of sexual abuse. Well, it happened to me as well. I sure hope I never see myself in a video, as I was drugged. Got away from this guy and went on with my life.
After that, I had a few lovers. All different, but all were good. Connections, intimacy, and sex were all good. Not here to compare the best, but all normal. All very satisfying. However, none of these relationships lasted for various reasons. They all made me aware of how bad my marital sexual relationship was. My husband still wanted to get back together during these years. There came a time that my daughter wasn't speaking to me (she desperately wanted her parents together and would never accept anyone else in her life.. I agreed to date my ex and did so.. Ir was on the heals of my sister dying from cancer and he was there for me. I was having health problems and he stayed at my house, eventually moving i. We agreed to no sex. However, Once again, there is no affection. Its been several years and I am finding it dirricut. I quit smoking 4 yrs ago and am no craving. He is so cold. There is not sex, which he blames on me, rightfully so. I just cannot participate in bad sex (though we did try a couple of times. My question is this , Are there people who are just bad at sex, but now just sex, but also intimacy with another person.? I think this is the case and we should separate immediately. Its much worse and not better. Also, there is no opportunity to experience anything else. I no longer feel attractive because I am faithful. But I can't stand the idea of trying that bad sex. Any advice is welcome.
When we me, I had been the victim of a marital rape, quite regularly. So when sex wasn't a priority, I was glad. First guy I met that was this way to be honest. It was refreshing.
Then when we did have sex, he got his goodies, but I didn't get mine, I thought it would get better. Again, so grateful for his being gently. I married him, thinking it would get better. It didnt. I already had a daughter that was 11 when we had a new daughter. By this time, I was getting really frustrated. I came across a magazine ad for a "Better Sex Video", because frankly, when I brought up the subject of oral sex or anything else, he literally called me a pervert and withdrew.
Well we watched the video which included oral sex, mutual masterbation and normal stuff. The video itself turned him on and he accepted this little bit of spice. lol
So now, I could get off when he gave me oral sex...but he could still never penetrate me more that 5 seconds before coming. Sex was always super quick, like under a minute. I expressed that I wanted to feel him inside of me but he dismissed it. One time after a Christmas party with alcohol, I cried and expressed it to him. His excuse was always the same, that I turned him on too much. By now, I knew better.
We had other issues in out marriage, like raising children and dividing housework. Finally we got to be too divided and separated. I was in grad school. Wasn't long that I started dating someone who had been our marriage counselor. Since it had been years, was a moot point. However, the guy had a history of sexual abuse. Well, it happened to me as well. I sure hope I never see myself in a video, as I was drugged. Got away from this guy and went on with my life.
After that, I had a few lovers. All different, but all were good. Connections, intimacy, and sex were all good. Not here to compare the best, but all normal. All very satisfying. However, none of these relationships lasted for various reasons. They all made me aware of how bad my marital sexual relationship was. My husband still wanted to get back together during these years. There came a time that my daughter wasn't speaking to me (she desperately wanted her parents together and would never accept anyone else in her life.. I agreed to date my ex and did so.. Ir was on the heals of my sister dying from cancer and he was there for me. I was having health problems and he stayed at my house, eventually moving i. We agreed to no sex. However, Once again, there is no affection. Its been several years and I am finding it dirricut. I quit smoking 4 yrs ago and am no craving. He is so cold. There is not sex, which he blames on me, rightfully so. I just cannot participate in bad sex (though we did try a couple of times. My question is this , Are there people who are just bad at sex, but now just sex, but also intimacy with another person.? I think this is the case and we should separate immediately. Its much worse and not better. Also, there is no opportunity to experience anything else. I no longer feel attractive because I am faithful. But I can't stand the idea of trying that bad sex. Any advice is welcome.