Evening I am new to this message board thing but thought I would give it a go since I know I need to at least be able to talk to someone who can understand me. Where to start: This is a lot to take in and yes it is all true.
At 8 I was kidnapped which I only remember about two weeks out of nine months missing, around twelve I was raped and had a stepfather who molested me and beat me on a regular. He also abused my mother alot too. I got married at 26 and was doing therapy and on medication and was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression with mood swings anxiety sleep paralysis night terror and panic attacks. My husband ended up having an affair and began to put his hands on me which I left him because of and I ended up in my next long term ten years long relationship with a narcissist who drilled into my head that noone else would love me and that I was a piece of crap. About the last two years of that relationship I had made.plans to leave him and did once which he stalked me threatened me and scared me bad so I went back and remade.plans to leave safely. Before I could he sexually assaulted me and kidney shot me which he was a boxer so it dropped me onto the floor.
It's been right about three months since then and I still have very bad nightmares, PTSD episodes, very paranoid and just.plain scared. He is still stalking me and trying to find me. I try to hide everything from my now adult kids but feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm scared to go out at all but do go to work daily because I know staying inside is also unhealthy for my depression. I have a hard time sleeping and the nightmares and sleep paralysis is so real that I swear sometimes I can feel his breath on my face.
I haven't been able to start therapy in this state because every time I try to cancel the insurance in other state they want proof of move and I made.aure nothing was in my name because of hims talking me. I just.dont know where.to turn to at this point no I'm not suicidal never will be again because I would never put my family through that pain. But I'm depressed anxious paranoid scared tired and feel like I'm crazy. Anyone have any type of ideas on how I can try to cope until I can start therapy again? Or where I can turn? Thanks!
At 8 I was kidnapped which I only remember about two weeks out of nine months missing, around twelve I was raped and had a stepfather who molested me and beat me on a regular. He also abused my mother alot too. I got married at 26 and was doing therapy and on medication and was diagnosed with PTSD, major depression with mood swings anxiety sleep paralysis night terror and panic attacks. My husband ended up having an affair and began to put his hands on me which I left him because of and I ended up in my next long term ten years long relationship with a narcissist who drilled into my head that noone else would love me and that I was a piece of crap. About the last two years of that relationship I had made.plans to leave him and did once which he stalked me threatened me and scared me bad so I went back and remade.plans to leave safely. Before I could he sexually assaulted me and kidney shot me which he was a boxer so it dropped me onto the floor.
It's been right about three months since then and I still have very bad nightmares, PTSD episodes, very paranoid and just.plain scared. He is still stalking me and trying to find me. I try to hide everything from my now adult kids but feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm scared to go out at all but do go to work daily because I know staying inside is also unhealthy for my depression. I have a hard time sleeping and the nightmares and sleep paralysis is so real that I swear sometimes I can feel his breath on my face.
I haven't been able to start therapy in this state because every time I try to cancel the insurance in other state they want proof of move and I made.aure nothing was in my name because of hims talking me. I just.dont know where.to turn to at this point no I'm not suicidal never will be again because I would never put my family through that pain. But I'm depressed anxious paranoid scared tired and feel like I'm crazy. Anyone have any type of ideas on how I can try to cope until I can start therapy again? Or where I can turn? Thanks!
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