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I have not had a trigger in a long time. But I was exhausted yesterday and my boyfriend wanted to wrestle. Usually wrestling isn't a big deal. I do get scared sometimes, I'm afraid he's going to pin me down and not let me move and I get claustrophobic. Past context, my stepdad used to pin me...

Here lately I have been having dreams every night, some of them are nightmares. They always start out with my current boyfriend who morphs into my stepdad. So my feelings start out loving and happy then towards the end fearful. And they scare me, bother me. One night I dreamt of my boyfriend who...

I asked my T about the constant changing schedules and cancelations. She advised me that she was buying a house but everything is settled now so there will no longer be anymore cancelations which there have not been. At the same time, I've been feeling better so we decreased the frequency of my...

Hard for me to connect with people and socialize. My circle is very small. Wish it was bigger. I like to go out and do things. I'm finding that I like the outdoors. But I'm just too reserved. And when I get triggered I can be rude. It's not anyone's fault and I know I'm not supposed to use my...

My mom and dad got married very young and had me and my brother. They divorced and my dad married his second wife, had two kids with her. They divorced, and my dad married his third wife and had three kids with her. My dad was mainly in his third wife's kids lives because his first and second...

Thank you 😊

It surprises me sometimes what I used to consider love. When he threw the Bible at me, I thanked him. When he was gambling all our money away and refused to stop, I closed the bank account to save what little money we had left. At the end of the day, I apologized for doing that when I shouldn't...

I've been taking my antidepressant for two weeks now. Not sure if that's long enough for it to start working but lately I've felt more emotionally stable. I still feel depressed at times but have not thought about suicide and it's easier to get through. One of the reasons for this medication is...

When I was in middle school living with my grandparents, I would run the neighborhood with a group of kids that lived on my street. They were all siblings. We would ride bikes everywhere and play video games. None of them really liked me. They mainly liked my brother. I wanted to be best friends...

No side effects from the celexa so far. But the purpose of this medication is to face my trauma which is where this diary comes in. My boyfriend has a dog that doesn't get along with people. Not his fault, he was trained that way. He used to take his dog to a particular place to be boarded...

Took celexa for the first time tonight. Not sure what to expect. Hope nothing bad happens. The last time I took an antidepressant I had a bad panic attack. Not sure if it was the medicine or the circumstances though. I used to think I was allergic to sushi because I had some at a restaurant...

Woke up in a flashback a couple days ago, fell into a depression that has not subsided. Mad and snappy. People are so shitty. Getting better, but I get worse when I'm around others who just don't give a f*ck. Memory: one night I was wakened by my step-dad turned husband. He was freaking out...

I'm sorry you went through this and still go through it sometimes. Thank you for sharing and for your encouragement. The similarities just amaze me!

I can tell that this can be especially hard. But maybe looking at it a different way might help. Like your dad was the cause of the abuse, not the making of a meal. Plenty of people other than your dad make meals and feed themselves that do not abuse others. It is a universal task with a sole...

I'm glad this thread helped you and hope it helps others. It has def shown me that I'm not alone in my experiences with my mother. The pain I feel, others have felt it, too, and understand. That brings me comfort. I appreciate you but I unfortunately do not feel joy at this moment. It does not...

I feel like I can relate to you. My brother tries to tell me that mom is "just different" or "you know how she is" so just do as she says. It's giving excuses for bad behavior and treatment. Family might have good intentions but your parents do not and that's the problem. It sounds like you are...

I've always been the scapegoat and my brother, the "golden" child but only because he does what she says so as not to hurt her feelings. My brother is not narcissistic, at least not from my interaction with him, but sometimes I wish I could just be out completely. They still have this belief...

Thank you 😊

Thank you. Sometimes I am grateful for the anonymity this site provides because there are some aspects of my story that I would die if anyone in my real life aside from my therapist and those involved knew of lol

Thank you

Saw my current T today, she is going to read my book by Pete Walker to have a better understanding of my flashbacks and my depression but agrees with the new T that antidepressants might help me because I check all the boxes for being depressed. I have to schedule an appointment with my regular...

Deleted my mother's phone number out of my phone. I no longer have it and cannot look it up anymore. Deleted the text messages. This might put a dent in holidays but I'd rather spend holidays alone than with her controlling ass. The last holiday I spent with her was Thanksgiving and I had two...

It's good you don't have anything to do with him.

Yeah, he's not someone you want to be associated with. My mother is in her late 40's and she's the same as she was when I was growing up. Like your dad, she will never change. Does your dad have weird quirks? My mother is narcissistic. I used to think I needed a professional opinion in order...

Thank you for sharing. I will listen to it.