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  1. katz

    Anger at my Mom since her death - When it was my father who hurt me.

    Tinyflame, Thanks for your hugs.. I only wish that it was only that.... She didn't protect me from my grandfather either- nor the other 3 men that hurt me. I'm sure she passed with a lot of hurt and guilt on her conscious. I comfort myself by believing that justice was served to her on...
  2. katz

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    Hi, Tinyflame. I admire your concern for the black cats - this month. The shelters here, won't even let them get adopted out this month. They worry about what people might do or use them for. How sad! The "alley" cats are probably just looking for a handout. can look at their ear tips...
  3. katz

    Anger at my Mom since her death - When it was my father who hurt me.

    When I read your post, it really made me wonder why this comment caught me off guard. After thinking about it for a while, I realized it. It is not "only" that she did not protect me when I was a child - but that she continued putting the blame on me as I grew older. I listened in on a...
  4. katz

    How do you connect with and process repressed anger?

    I've never done any of those things. I have not even raised my voice and yelled at anyone. But, he can see my anger.
  5. katz

    Anger at my Mom since her death - When it was my father who hurt me.

    I know that it was my father who hurt me - then why am I so angry at my mom -- 3 years after her death? My husband told me that I have been too angry for him to bear. Then when he said that it had been for a few years, I thought back and realized that it all started 3 years ago when my mom died...
  6. katz

    Dealing with Anger after Childhood Sexual Abuse

    Where do I start? I just found out that I have been angry to my whole in-law family. My husband tells me that I have been angry for a long time....I don't know what to do or where to start...even my marriage is on the line now. He is very upset at me too.
  7. katz

    How do you connect with and process repressed anger?

    I was just Informed that I have angered everyone in my husband's family. He told me that I have been getting more angry over the years. --I don't know if our marriage will make it...
  8. katz

    I want to be a kid again

    Oh, how I long to just be held.. let me cry...comforted. It makes me angry that I missed out on such a simple childhood "thing"
  9. katz

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    The "incredibly" loud noise right outside my office door! Construction is everywhere around me. Across the street they are building a multi level warehouse and next door they are bringing in the equipment to pave the back parking lot. The street is lined with huge trucks - with engines roaring...
  10. katz

    How would you parent yourself, if you were the parent of a child like you?

    I wasn't the scapegoat, but the 'lost child.' worked hard to not exist. I'm glad I'm not a parent. Break the cycle by not having a cycle. I did the same thing. I try to be invisible-especially with my family. As the "odd, trouble maker", I am treated very differently than my brother and...
  11. katz

    Saying "no" to common tasks

    I work a job that has become too physical for me. As the years have gone on, the physical pain has increased in my arms and hands. Since I work alone, I can't figure out how to say "no" to some of the jobs that are now my responsibility. I was hired to do the bookkeeping, and it has continued to...
  12. katz

    How would you parent yourself, if you were the parent of a child like you?

    I actually got a chance to do something like this. My Neice was having a hard time (6-8 yrs old). Her mother was very upset with her about something, so she ran upstairs to her room. My own mother went up to talk to her. When my mom came back downstairs, I watched her closely, and her expression...
  13. katz

    Too much stuff

    Why does being crowded by "stuff" make me so uncomfortable? I'm helping my in-laws and husband clean out his mom's house, so a lot of stuff is coming to our house. I have been on edge for a few days now and can't sleep. This makes work much more difficult. I have even felt myself go into a...
  14. katz

    Quote Of The Day

    I'm a Sherlock Holmes buff - and yes, that is a very good quote for this forum.
  15. katz

    Quote Of The Day

    My favorite one is: "Knowing that I require a lifetime of a higher level of self care." I also like: "Carrying a very deep well of sadness". (This one was such a good description of what I felt that day I saw it)
  16. katz

    December Hell Month for me

    Anniversary? What's that ? I was assaulted so many times, by so many, strangers. Life is a trigger.
  17. katz

    Other Trauma-Splitting/Parts

    Odd question....where and why did you get an evaluation? I have not been evaluated, that I know of. I would be very interested to find out if I have any other conditions that are related to my childhood traumas.
  18. katz

    Sufferer Looking for help with symptoms

    Welcome to the forum ! I have a terrible time with loud noises also. When I was growing up, listening to my favorite music helped me. My own favorite songs - at a level that I liked. I still listen to music softly at night to help me sleep. Welcome to the forum, Hawkeye. When I was diagnosed, I...
  19. katz

    Feeling a bit disconnected from my emotions after meditating and listening to dhamma talks

    I haven't figured out exactly why - but "yes" Sunday nights are the absolute worst night for sleeping for me. Makes it hard to start work on Mondays.
  20. katz

    Trauma and suicide

    I thought about it only once. I know that because it scared me so much. And I will always remember that one moment. I think it scared me so much that I would even think about it. However, I will never fear death. I look at it as the end...a final rest. Away from danger. Able to rest without...
  21. katz

    Slowing down

    Can anyone help me to understand why I can't slow down? I can't just stop. If I finish what I am doing, I go looking for the next thing to do. And the next. And the next. It feels like I have no control., and it often brings me to tears (and yet, I keep going). is there a particular thing that...
  22. katz

    Christians Unite!

    I actually have two things to mention. I'm not sure if they belong in this chat or not - but I wanted to mention them. I have always remembered the advice someone gave me about what to do when your angry at God. I was told that you should go to any lake or large watered area and just throw...
  23. katz

    Dom Violence ongoing guilt and feeling that i exhagerate my problems

    I"m so sorry that you went thru this. I can understand the humiliation of it. When I was in my 30's I listened to my mom telling a man I was dating that "she has been making this stuff up for years." She also told him "not to believe me."
  24. katz

    Treatment of traumatic memories in c-ptsd

    When people have told me to just go ahead and process the memories - I have always told them it is like a bunch of scattered papers on the floor. I have to pick up each one, read it, and then I can file it in the file cabinet in the corner of "my room". I know that the paper is in there and that...