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  1. K

    The PTSD Jacket Removal

    Hi guys, I hope you're are all doing well and are having a nice day/night. :) Please forgive me if I don't make much sense, but... Lately it feels as though I've lost myself to PTSD. The best way to describe it is I feel like an empty shell; just flowing, no identity to latch on to. Many...
  2. K

    What do you do with the pain of not wanting to exist?

    I can relate to that statement so much. "Just sometimes the pain is too much, you just want it to stop." For me, what helps is remembering where I came from. We all go through a crucible. Not everyone makes it, unfortunately, but I often need to remember the original reason I held on and...
  3. K

    Nightmares from Childhood

    I'm incredibly sorry that you've had to endure such terrible abuses, but know this: none of this is your fault and you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. It is they who should be ashamed of how they treated you. If you think counseling would help you, I'd say go for it. Thanks...
  4. K

    Nothing seems to matter

    Hi guys, I... don't even know how to start this. A few days ago, I called my abuser to finally offer my forgiveness and move on. Make amends for being rude to him the last time we spoke. I was angry at how dismissive he was being when I'd asked him why he'd done what he did to me. His...
  5. K

    Sad thing - When you tell your therapist all your abuse and she can’t hug you because of boundaries.

    This is definitely hard. Personally, my therapist allows hugs every once in a while, nothing wrong with a genuine hug, if it's warranted. I think hugs can be very powerful, and I'm so sorry that her boundaries seem to not allow it. Warm virtual hugs for you.
  6. K

    The split of a man

    I'm honestly not sure how to talk about this. Recently, my depression has become so, so bad. I feel like it's scraping away pieces of my humanity and all that's left of me is an empty shell. I'm a guy. I always feel bad for crying. It's not often I do, but I feel like I need to. Does that even...
  7. K

    Overwhelming depression

    I feel very similarly to how you feel. I'm sorry for your pain. You're not worthless, you're struggling and deserve to be acknowledged for your efforts of having a better life. I'm not working right now and most of my self-hate or feeling worthless comes from that. Like if I could at least live...
  8. K

    How do you ground yourself?

    I suck on a lot of ice, take a very cold shower, chug down a bottle of very cold water, and tell myself that I'm safe, it's not happening, etc. Not that this always works. Stimulating the brain in those ways seems to almost always snap me out of it a little. But fully, not really all that much...
  9. K

    Can you decide to Forget?

    I don't think you can decide to forget. You can choose what to go into denial about, you can choose to avoid thinking about something until it's forgotten and replaced with new information, but I don't think it's a simple or easy process for a majority of people. If it were, I don't think some...
  10. K

    Stuff I can’t remember

    You're definitely not alone, I can relate to what you're experiencing. For me, these experiences change and adapt and I experience them differently every so often. I'm sorry you're in pain and going through this, it's not easy. Keep on, and remember you're doing the best you can, these things...
  11. K

    How often do you have flashbacks on an average day?

    I'd say about three or four times per day. But depending on the day, sometimes I just have one and on better days I have none, or a couple every other day. Hmm... yeah, I can say depending on the content of my flashbacks, some would be considered a safe place. Though it's not common for me...
  12. K

    What do you avoid in your daily life? What do you no longer avoid?

    I avoid having a life. I can very much relate to this. I avoid relationships because I feel like my traumas have tainted me and that everyone else is pure and wouldn't get along with me. Which for the most part is true, I don't get along with many people and dissociation and depression are huge...
  13. K

    Difficulty reading?

    Yes! I have lots of difficulty reading and haven't read in a couple of years, now. It's a shame because I really enjoyed reading but the focus just isn't there, sort of feels like something is missing. Sometimes I just can't process it. Lately, I've been wanting to try audiobooks in conjunction...
  14. K

    Guilt: the sins of the abuser transferring to the abused

    I don't know if anyone else can relate to how I feel. But it's awful. If anyone has dealt with their abuser passing away, does it feel like all of their sins were passed on to you? Like you feel responsible for the things they have done. On some level, it feels like it's your responsibility to...
  15. K

    Feeling Dirty While Others Aren't

    Well put, this is exactly how I feel! I thought I was the only one. It's rough.
  16. K

    Feeling Dirty While Others Aren't

    Can anyone else relate to this? I have been feeling so bad lately, that it's hard to wrap my brain around this. After so much abuse, I feel dirty. I don't feel innocent. When I meet someone or try to make friends, I see and feel their "rare innocence" and feel like I don't belong because I'm...
  17. K

    Numb and detached/dissociated

    Hey guys, I hope you're all doing well. :) Things haven't been looking so well for me lately. It's been a tough month for me, being the "anniversary" of when my abuser did what he did to me. Lately, especially in the past month, it's like.... I can't explain it. I feel detached. Like I'm just...
  18. K

    Why do you choose to stay alive?

    This is such a wonderful share and question, thank you! I'm glad you're choosing to stay alive. Hope. It is a thing of love and curiosity. Even though I don't 100% believe it, I want to fight through the night so that I could see the sun rise. Deep down, I'm hoping that at any moment...
  19. K

    Is this a dream?

    Lack of control can be a scary thing, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I struggle with some similar thoughts and honestly the only helpful thing that keeps me going are several thoughts. 1) Living day-to-day isn't about having control over everything, because we can't. We can just...
  20. K

    Regression, childhood

    I don't know if any of you can shed some light on this, but I hope you can provide some advice, feedback, support, etc. Anything. I'm an adult in my mid-20s. As a child, I experienced S.A (s. abuse) and physical/emotional abuse. Several months ago, I experienced something similar. Ever since...
  21. K

    Nightmares challenge avoidance?

    I'm having nightmares of this man I've never seen before, and in these nightmares, he is my abuser's friend. The thing about these nightmares is that they feel like memories, as they are very specific. Back in trauma therapy a year ago, when this happened, I avoided talking about those...
  22. K

    How to talk to a therapist about a traumatic event?

    This is helpful. But actually handing it to my therapist would be a challenge. Even something simple as e-mailing it.
  23. K

    How to talk to a therapist about a traumatic event?

    Okay, so I've spoken to my therapist about my childhood S.A. However, I did not tell her that I only remembered my abuse because I witnessed something traumatic and similar happen to someone else. The thought of telling her this second bit scares me a little more than telling her about the...
  24. K

    Emdr for sexual abuse

    I agree with @mrsmegan. Saying it out loud is definitely hard, but beneficial. From my experience, when I did EMDR, my therapist never made me say anything out loud. We discussed what I went through once, during our consultation session -- and the rest, I allowed my therapist to tell my EMDR...
  25. K

    Sufferer Not Use To Talking About This

    Well thank you for a kind reply! Poetry is a great form of self-expression and emotional release. I tried poetry a few years back and found it an interesting experience. It's great that you have a helpful therapist. It's a great feeling to have a supportive therapist, isn't it? There's no...