I understand that feeling. It comes back to me sometimes, too. The feeling of violation can be unbearable. But you’re here, and that counts for a lot. Try to take a few deep breaths when you’re feeling really out of it, maybe put your hand on your chest.
You’re here, you’re safe.
I can't use plain white noise, but some ASMR (there's a lot out there that could work for you) puts me to sleep. Sometimes I'll play calm soothing music that I know feels good to listen to, on a low volume. Always have a fan on too.
No matter how hard I try, I always feel this distance between myself and other people. Sometimes even between parts of myself. Diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar 2, anxiety as well. Huge history of eating disorders. Not sure who I am or where to turn to, and looking to feel more connected to people...