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  1. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I wish I hadn't missed that concert but at least my animals are all individually the best and sweetest guys
  2. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I would get in my car and drive forever if I didn't need to make sure there was a destination
  3. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    If nobody cared, I'd still survive. If I didn't want to, I'd still survive. I just needed a minute. This has been a very hard year. Years. Decade(s). We aren't born to live in luxury and when we do, it takes a toll on us too. This house is trying desperately to let go of me and my family. This...
  4. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Perfect temp outside :D
  5. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Gonna hang out with a friend tomorrow
  6. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I did not make it to the concert :(
  7. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Being near/in the presence of someone who genuinely cares is calming and comforting. He's home now and I had a crying spell like immediately, so guess stress cup is overflowing. I feel pathetic, and it makes me angry both that I feel that way and that I am not meeting my own standards. Deep...
  8. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I brought my best friend over and he took out trash for me. Just gotta finish washing my sheets and comforter. (Kitty puked on it.) Counts as therapy in my book lol Hopefully going to a concert (free) my brother plays in tomorrow. I hope I can move back to Sewanee some time
  9. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    You're okay, I didn't mean to cause worry
  10. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Thanks, y'all. ❤️ I don't think it's bad stuff. I think it's just there in my head. I find it disappointing that I'm not my usual optimistic self, and I feel ashamed, yeah, but I don't think it's bad. I wish I could go back to just being positive all the time and people being impressed that...
  11. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    It is beautiful outside 🏞️🌄🌅 💐🍄🌺🌷🌸🏵️🌻🌼🌱🌿☘️🍀🌳🌲🌳
  12. littleoc

    eat

    List 10 reasons people enjoy life
  13. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I don't mean to trouble anybody. Let's just keep focusing on the positive. I drove to Illinois to view the eclipse and it was the one of the best things I've ever seen. I hope some of y'all got to see it in person, but online is nice as well
  14. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Sorry for rambling, I ramble when I'm tired, and I'm tired from working all day to make the house more livable. I mean, I just deep cleaned it, and I'm sure it'll need it again by tomorrow. With how things have been. Surely by the end of the week. I have been trying to get away from this house...
  15. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Gonna eat canned soup. House is as clean as I can get it in one day. There's a lot of it I can't reach, and it's still f*cking path shaped, but it's as good as I can get it. Helps relieve the intense claustrophobia taking over my life. If I could do anything I would go to the beach. 🏖️
  16. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I didn't mean to worry you, I'm sorry. Anyway. Cleaned every part of the house that I could. It felt better than moping, though the thoughts never left. Not sure if that counts as self harm, but it's better not to fight it. Just makes it defensive enough to push back. House is better than...
  17. littleoc

    Sufferer My neighbor broke both my legs

    I'm so sorry. I believe you.
  18. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    What is there to say anymore?
  19. littleoc

    Sexual Assault Embarrassed with being aroused when thinking of the assault

    @Riley Jones comment on this please: Edit: Oh, maybe you're not logged in? Anyway. Fear and arousal both use/have the same physiological responses. It's common for a "glitch" like this to occur when your brain has labeled one as negative. It is not just you. I'm sorry it's embarrassing to...
  20. littleoc

    Sexual Assault Embarrassed with being aroused when thinking of the assault

    I like your username choice! It's a common coping skill for sexual assault victims to have problems like this, and it is not your fault. Are you in therapy at all? This might be something you could talk about in therapy to find out what you'd like to do about it. Welcome to the site 💜
  21. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I have things I'm thinking I don't want to say because I don't want to affect your hope either. I hope you're hanging in there
  22. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    It would help a lot if my schedule were at all my own
  23. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    Bad arch mage? Relatable :P What book is that, do you remember? Thank you for your kind words 💗 I am doing better after some sleep. Not GREAT but not in as dangerous of a mood at least :P
  24. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I don't know. Nothing has mattered in a long time. I don't even care if I matter to anyone at this point.
  25. littleoc

    Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

    I keep having problems but I don't know how to voice them, or who to voice them to. My life hasn't gone the way I wanted it to and many, many opportunities no longer apply to me. I feel like I'm just here for no reason. Which is just factually true, so I don't know what my brain wants from me...
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