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  1. H

    Massive backfire in therapy - don't know what to do

    I think that with trauma, developmental trauma especially, part of what I'm paying the therapist for is to be the adult in the room. To be capable of modeling reparative and disconfirmatory emotional experiences. To be the person who does NOT drop into disorganization. To be capable of...
  2. H

    What are your ACE/PCE scores?

    ACES = 4 PCES = 0 I appreciate that they’re also looking at the absence of positive experiences as a valid factor. It’s difficult to communicate that what didn’t happen had a huge impact on you. it seems to confuse people and they seem to think it’s just normal envy and it shouldn’t be a big...
  3. H

    I want to be a kid again

    Doing the kinds of things you described sounds like a great way to make contact with one’s inner child, to me. i was asked to look at old family photos to try to piece together my childhood. if I lived near any of those places they may have suggested that also.
  4. H

    I want to be a kid again

    Not having to work for a living is what all adults work for in the first place. Nearly everyone looks forward to retirement and receiving retirement benefits, and being able to escape the daily grind. Life is much easier when all that stops. Which is a long way of saying that if you now have...
  5. H

    Are You Pushing Yourself?

    I feel like I have done nothing except push myself through life, just to survive this long, and to obtain the necessary things like food, clothing, shelter, etc. I am tired of pushing. It feels like living in a form of functional freeze, acting whole while not being whole, doing to do because...
  6. H

    Seeking Volunteers for AI Therapist to Address Personal Issues

    I might be interested also. I am in therapy, once a month as it is all I can afford, but he prefers to work somatically and relationally, not problem-specific. I have some valid questions around friendship that I could explore with a bot. I’ve used internet resources for it and it would be...
  7. H

    Resistant to taking medication

    I see my resistance to meds being partly based on prior experience and data, and partly on knowing that I don’t do enough of the other stuff. The science shows that routines and hobbies and exercise and yoga and journaling and focusing on your own physical needs does shift things for a great...
  8. H

    I'm old/ my life is basically over

    I am entering the sparkling winter of my own life. I can only add that dealing with the natural progression of life in its physical and emotional forms is truly a universal situation that all will face. i find consolation in the ideas of past generations, that with each stage of life comes new...
  9. H

    Avoiding reality or just being realistic?

    That was the hard, first step for me. Accepting that it wasn’t originally me. Accepting that even though to me it wouldn’t look like “abuse” to a random observer, from the POV of my infant/toddler self and my developing brain it was indeed abuse. And it’s okay to call it that, at least to...
  10. H

    Other Rock music is a trigger for me now???

    Music in general is a new-ish trigger for me, especially unfamiliar music. It might be linked to an experience in surgery but I’ve never worked on it. It can initiate a meltdown almost immediately so I avoid it now. i love classic rock and saw all the greats live back in the day, and just...
  11. H

    Research Impact Trauma Research Today - Paid Participation

    If it were as easy as making lists of “this is real ptsd” and “this is fake ptsd” then who’d need therapists? A diagnosis (as in most medical fields ) is an educated guess made by a qualified someone who has first-hand experience and knowledge of a person. I understand that lawyers really want...
  12. H

    Complex relationships with family/parents - how often do you talk?

    It was normal during my childhood and early adult life that I only spoke to some siblings via telephone twice a year - Christmas and birthday. I saw them a couple of times. It was normal that I only spoke to / saw any extended family (grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc) for an hour or so every...
  13. H

    Death Bereavement ... ok, pet bereavement.

    It has all been said above — she was your family and it’s normal and natural to grieve. i lost my sweet boy more than two years ago now, after a long and happy life, and I still greet his shadow every morning with open arms. It has gotten easier. Don’t chastise yourself. Love in any form...
  14. H

    PTSD and white noise

    I use a noise machine set to “heavy rain” sounds and it seems to help drown out small noises that used to interrupt my sleep. But I second trying out all the different free sleep aid / ambience / ASMR / relaxation videos on youtube first. I sometimes even run some of the visual ones during the...
  15. H

    Other What kind of "Conversion disorder " reaction do you cope with?

    Just because your body is having an immune response (as verified by increased white blood cell counts in bloodwork, for example) it does not mean you actually have an infection caused by some external organism. In my twenties, decades before I knew about PTSD, I ran a fever every day for more...
  16. H

    Other What kind of "Conversion disorder " reaction do you cope with?

    Well, you had asked what kinds of things others deal with that might be conversion related, so I gave you some of mine. How your body handles it could be different. But I can say that for me, it does most certainly cause authentic physical symptoms, even if it comes from a dysregulated...
  17. H

    Other What kind of "Conversion disorder " reaction do you cope with?

    I believe that a lot of my physical history includes various things that might easily fall into the conversion category. As a child, I fainted, usually unexpectedly and without reason. I rarely caught colds or other sorts of normal mild ordinary childhood infections, because as I understand...
  18. H

    Do you share social media stuff with your therapist?

    This is kinda where I find myself ending up. I sometimes think “This would be good to share” and then after consideration I wonder if it’s just not something that’s “right” for therapy. “Why would he care and why does this matter as far as my therapy time is concerned” or “This is something...
  19. H

    Do you find it necessary to believe that your therapist likes you?

    An update. I began to bring up my feelings about this in my last session and my T’s initial response began with “I like you, and …” So there it is. I need to work on feeling and believing that, it seems. I don’t really understand it all.
  20. H

    Do you share social media stuff with your therapist?

    I hope this isn’t a weird question, but how much “social media” stuff is okay/appropriate/effective to share with a therapist? And by this I mean things like discussing your own posts on FB / IG and the response you received, or maybe your own comments from a blog you participate in as a social...
  21. H

    CBT for trauma? I thought CBT was about the “here and now” not the past.

    As far as the camera on zoom, just ask the therapist if it would be okay. Many therapists can do therapy via phone calls, so ask and see what yours prefers. You can also close down the screen that shows you so that you don’t have to see yourself.
  22. H

    Seeing a new therapist; what does progress mean to you?

    I can completely relate to your approach and think it’s great. I enjoy being organized too. I think the only idea I can offer would be to remain flexible in what works for you, and flow with whatever makes sense at the time. Sometimes a journal is a list and sometimes it’s a picture, and both...
  23. H

    Do you find it necessary to believe that your therapist likes you?

    For me, definitely. “Safety” came up early in therapy as something I don’t quite get. it doesn’t register for me as it‘s supposed to, I have learned. I can easily know that I am safe in the literal, physical sense - that nobody is going to enter the room and harm me right now, so of course...
  24. H

    Do you find it necessary to believe that your therapist likes you?

    I first met this T six years ago. worked together for three years before he moved and he referred me to someone local he’d worked with. Learning he was moving was awful, as things had seemed to be progressing, but I felt okay about trying a different T. Met with her a few times then covid...