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  1. NightSky

    Therapist of 8 years takes 3 weeks leave to grieve death in the family.

    Thanks so much for these perspectives. My irl people are mostly saying what she did was wrong. But I do trust her and do want her to heal and grieve and that’s important for our work. I don’t want to be angry with her and I agree it’s transference. I want to work on that with her without letting...
  2. NightSky

    Therapist of 8 years takes 3 weeks leave to grieve death in the family.

    Thank you. This is a different perspective for me. It was an elderly father in law. So not spouse or child. I am a teacher. And I know when I lose a parent I will have almost no time off. I get 3 bereaved days a year. I know people take longer leave for spouses and children. In my mind they’re...
  3. NightSky

    Therapist of 8 years takes 3 weeks leave to grieve death in the family.

    I’ve run up against an issue with my therapist of 8 years. She has been incredible and I think I’ve come really far. But I am very disorganized in my attachment with her and I don’t do well when she cancels last minute. I’m an adult and understand situations warrant it. But she cancels more than...
  4. NightSky

    The Wisdom of Trauma film (Gabor Maté)

    Thanks for the input. I’m glad to hear you think he’s reliable. The film looks really promising.
  5. NightSky

    The Wisdom of Trauma film (Gabor Maté)

    Has anyone seen anything about this film? (it previews next week). Thoughts on it or Gabor Maté)? I want to make sure he is a reliable resource before I donate to watch the premiere.
  6. NightSky

    Long-Term Therapist Skipped Town/Disappeared/No Contact

    I don’t know what scenario is likely. But I just want to say I’m sorry this happened and you absolutely should be able to trust your therapist not to abandon you. I can’t imagine what could happen in the life of a therapist to cause this kind of disappearance. I do hope you get answers. And if I...
  7. NightSky

    Emailing T between sessions

    Email has become so important in my work with my therapist. I email her usually once between sessions. (We meet once a week for an hour). I don’t process until later. In her office (even though I’ve seen her for five years) I often dissociate and can’t say things I need to. Sometimes I’ll come...
  8. NightSky

    Janina Fisher?

    Yes. Her book Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors is so good. My T went to her training. And I listen to anything I can find her on. I appreciate her work so much.
  9. NightSky

    T asked me questions about trauma and I couldn’t talk

    This is just par for the course. This happens ALL the time for me. I just check out. Dissociate. My T knows the signs. She’s so well versed on not only trauma and dissociation but my specific clues that I’m about the dissociate (I guess something about my eyes, but I don’t know what it is) and...
  10. NightSky

    Nervous about seeing T in person

    Hey @FauxLiz, how did it go? I hope it was easier than you thought it would be. @blackemerald1 is right. It’s tempting to hide anxiety but you deserve to have a place you can be seen and safe.
  11. NightSky

    How do you stay within/expand your ‘window of tolerance’?

    This is going to sound silly, maybe. But one thing that helped me a LOT in learning to be more vulnerable emotionally was a series of podcasts I listened to. (And this is still a struggle. I just left a session where I said almost nothing because I didn’t want to cry. So it’s definitely a work...
  12. NightSky

    How do you stay within/expand your ‘window of tolerance’?

    I struggle with this. It’s so hard. It happened when I was several months into therapy and I could not move. I stared at a spot on her shelf for god knows how long and she kept talking quietly, letting me know she was there, and I barely heard her. I can’t remember how it eases enough for me to...
  13. NightSky

    Therapy rupture part 2

    Sessions aren’t sessions in isolation. It’s an ongoing process, discussion, journey, etc. my friend reminded me of that last night when I left my session frustrated and wanting to give up and not wanting to wait until next week to work it out. I think the advice to sit with it and maybe journal...
  14. NightSky

    Discussing dreams with Therapist

    My T of 4 years just said tonight she’s finally seeing just how big of a role dreams and nightmares play in the cycles I go through in my “good/stable/okay” times and my severely triggered/self-sabatoging times. And that’s only because I started emailing her recently in detail some of the dreams...
  15. NightSky

    What should I expect from therapy?

    I used to feel like sessions talking about my kids or work or marriage were wasted, because what I really wanted was relief from the symptoms. It was probably a couple of years of a little bit of trauma stuff, how the trauma was manifesting, but a lot of day to day stuff I felt was pointless to...
  16. NightSky

    Undiagnosed What’s wrong with me?

    Even if you understand why someone did something (which can be a coping mechanism) it doesn’t change what it has done to your brain and nervous system. Getting diagnosed and learning how to handle the flashbacks and other symptoms from a professional is the way to go. Trauma doesn’t pass with...
  17. NightSky

    Dissociation in therapy session

    Dissociation is so interesting. I went through two years of therapy with a seasoned T, and realized years later i was dissociated in every session and never made progress for that reason. I rattled off details of traumas feeling utterly disconnected, completely out of body. The T I’m with now...
  18. NightSky

    Was my therapist now my best friend

    Want to be more specific. Give some examples? I’m sure you’re being manipulated. I’ve following this thread for a long time and I’m sure what you need is a clean break. I’m here to support you and cheer you on.
  19. NightSky

    Was my therapist now my best friend

    Good. What do you need?
  20. NightSky


    I’ve been with my T for 4 years and if it weren’t for email, I would be so much further back in the process than I am. Sometimes I don’t write for months, others I email once a week (we meet once a week). Never more than that, because that’s what I felt would be a good boundary to keep...
  21. NightSky

    How long does it take to feel a trust connection with a therapist?

    I’ve been with mine almost 4 years. The connection was almost immediate. The trust? Still working on that. In my head I trust her. But I’m always waiting for her to not want to work with me anymore, despite her constant reassurance that it’s never the case. It’s unfortunate that your T would...
  22. NightSky

    When "internal family systems" therapy goes wrong...

    Yeah, to go along with what @EveHarrington says, I have found IFS very helpful as a framework although I don’t do official parts work in session. There will be times when my T will use it to explain a reaction I have “that’s a firefighter who is trying to protect you,” sort of the thing. And I...
  23. NightSky

    Do you ever feel hurt when your t is late for appointments?

    @hithere I’m sorry this happened. I’m listening.
  24. NightSky

    Sending a long email to T

    When I wanted to send my T and email like this I emailed ahead of the long one asking if it was ok, and that I would also print and bring it, saying I didn’t expect her to read it until our session but needed to communicate this way. She welcomed the idea (we had some back and forth prior, but I...
  25. NightSky

    How do you work on shame?

    I’m working on this *exact* topic in therapy. Just realizing over the last few weeks what a massive obstacle this is. I just listened to this podcast ‎The Liturgists Podcast: Shame - Live from Seattle on Apple Podcasts (Don’t know if that will work if you don’t have an iphone?) but there’s a...