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  1. H

    panic button!!

    it has to do with the employment change but I have made a decision and I am adept at managing my feelings. I thought that this was a forum of peers and not therapists, but I guess I was wrong. I don't feel safe posting here
  2. H

    panic button!!

    I am talking about parts in the sense of complex ptsd with disassociative parts; yes, disassociation. Maybe this is not the right place for me
  3. H

    panic button!!

    I am so freaked out right now, blending in and out with a very small 4 year old part who is feeling like it's happening all over again!! I need to give up my job because my body is becoming more and more sensitive to degenerative bone issues and I clean for a living. It has been perfect; I...
  4. H

    a place for me to just be

    I am going through a lot emotionally, having done a lot of inner work these last few weeks while my therapist has been away. It is bittersweet; I am getting in touch with parts of me who shut down decades ago, only to have them resurface and feel safe enough for me to experience their feelings...
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    Loneliness

    I identify so much with things that are said on this thread; tonight, I too, am feeling cut off from the world. All of my life, I have always felt like I am 'outside' looking in at other people; never quite connecting or able to have lasting friendships. So much of my behaviors and actions are...
  6. H

    No emotions no thoughts numb

    I can relate to your experience, although I can only speak for myself. After something disturbing happened to me, I went black, became numb and I had no thoughts or feelings, and an inability to communicate with others. I was listless and I kept telling people 'I can't talk ...I can't talk'...
  7. H

    Really hurting today

    I am very depressed today. Have to say it out loud...just in the last 48 hours intense body depression. Can't explain it...feels like a part and it is the hardest thing to go through when everything feels so grey and I feel trapped inside. It is just awful and I need to wade through it...
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    How do you tell the difference between going numb/dissociating and just not caring about someone anymore?

    I find when I am numb and/or disassociating, I do not feel a connection to my husband or daughter. I am, as my therapist has helped me see, a part who is neither present or focused. To deal with this, I often try to do something that requires concentration like my budget , or physical, like...
  9. H

    Behind a wall

    Wow! I relate to your 'glass wall' analogy... that is often how I feel and I have, for me, found that it is an old survival defense mechanism to protect me, my parts...(which now no longer serves the purpose) I am finding that I have to up the ante and practice more mindfulness skills to try...
  10. H

    Really hurting today

    I am going through a change that is occurring within myself and my parts. I think for my youngest part, to somehow believe it was her fault, that what happened to her was somehow because she herself was so bad and wrong, defective, was a way she could at least try to be better, more, any one...
  11. H

    Really hurting today

    Today has been difficult with a lot of intense painful feelings in my body; a heaviness, a sense of depression. I am finding out though that I have to walk through my debilitating fears of the world and do it anyway. Tonight was a small victory. Instead of finding a place to pray and meditate...
  12. H

    Really hurting today

    Having a whirlwind day, feeling really old feelings from a younger part; the intensity is so painful. Managed to get through work this morning and came home and got involved in day to day chores, budgeting and ways to stay present. The hurt lingers, but I cannot eat on this, which I have a...
  13. H

    Really hurting today

    Coming back tonight, I so thank you for your compassionate advice. I totally get the popsicle thing; I have a big box of sugar free popsicles in my freezer...!! I hate to sound negative; I had a session today and really felt some intense pain and grief as "I' , a part of me, is really...
  14. H

    Really hurting today

    Thank you. It's hard to do anything while I am in this blended state. I go through the motions and I had to force myself to take a shower and get ready for work. I am a custodian and I work alone because of the severity of my condition. It's like you're 'here' on some level, but really 'back...
  15. H

    Really hurting today

    I am disconnected today from my adult self...I have a severe childhood trauma history that causes me to disassociate often reacting to various triggers. I have been working hard after I was finally diagnosed 10 years ago; that being said, today is really hard. I have been in a safe...
  16. H

    Emotional flashbacks and disassociation affecting my life

    I don't think i have ever accepted my p.t.s.d. and have only recently, in the last ten years, learned about my disassociating; getting to know all of my 'parts' with the help of a therapist. This weekend has really been about facing reality; the point being that I will probably never be free of...
  17. H

    What Do You Owe Yourself?

    love this!! Thank you!
  18. H

    I Think I Am In The Right Place

    sad tonight, but making a lot of lifestyle changes after this quaking trigger. Decided to not sit by and be passive about my weight and disordered eating immediately after my issue with sister. Have been tracking food and exercising more frequently having joined a health forum online, and...
  19. H

    I Think I Am In The Right Place

    a little down tonight. just a lot of stuff going on. tomorrow i see my therapist and processing all of what's been happening over the course of a week. I have to remember that I do not have the luxury of being high functioning with a sense of normalcy (if you want to call it that) Every day...
  20. H

    Social Interactions Sometimes Make Me Feel Pressured

    i relate somewhat. I have tremendous social anxiety due to childhood trauma where, up until recently, i have felt intimidated and self conscious; where I am thinking that I have to be and say what i think the other person wants to hear so they will like me. Definitely from a small part of me...
  21. H

    I Think I Am In The Right Place

    having a really hard night during an excruciatingly difficult week...waiting for a reply from my therapist. feeling alone and really devastated. this pain feels unbearable. i am supposed to work tomorrow but i can't see myself being in the 'real world' without wigging out. just a really...
  22. H

    I Think I Am In The Right Place

    i have been living with cptsd all of my life since exposed to horrific trauma in childhood and beyond; choosing unhealthy abusive partners as an adult, reliving my childhood in a sense. i am just really sad tonight...feeling once again abandoned by someone that i thought really understood me...
  23. H

    Really hurting - friend doesn’t believe my “stories”

    thank you to all of you who shared on my post. it is so comforting to read others and their own experiences and srhares about something that is so intense for me right now. thank you for reaching out. i am just really sad today and perhaps it is a good thing as i am coming from a place where i...
  24. H

    Really hurting - friend doesn’t believe my “stories”

    i am really having a hard night after a breakthrough in my therapy yesterday, a good thing, but, after looking f?or support from who i thought was someone who understood me, being kicked in the teeth by her questioning whether my 'stories' were even accurate or was it my own 'faulty' perception...
  25. H

    I Am In So Much Pain

    i was triggered yesterday at work and i feel like i have been hit by a mack truck. had an emotional flashback that has been lasting over 24 hours now where i feel like my head is cut off from my body and i don't know who within me is running the show. once again, no one did anything just like...
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