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    Help With A Trigger

    I don't know how I can face him. Heck, I just see him from a distance and my heart starts racing. I start thinking I'm such a loser and I'm nothing. I can't imagine that there's any hope at all.
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    Help With A Trigger

    I am in desperate need of help with dealing with a person who is a major trigger. He never really did anything himself to become such a trigger, but I can't even look at him or hear his name without going into a panic inside. I have talked with my T and a trusted friend, but still there's no...
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    Going To See Family

    I've been with family for a few days now. It's pretty stressful. Two of my brothers had a big argument, so the one didn't even show up for the cookout on the 4th. The good news is that my grandmother is improving more and more each day. Thanks so much for prayers. I'm hoping I'll be able to...
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    Going To See Family

    Hi All, I'm very stressed out about having to be around my family. I have been away for quite a while working on healing and dealing with ptsd, but today my grandmother had a heart attack and she's in her 90's. It's pretty serious and I need to go be with her, but along with that I have to be...
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    Confused About Abuse

    Hi All, This is a difficult thread to post but here goes. Last year when I began to meltdown and the ptsd symptoms really controlled me, I seem to have dissociated and have "flashbacks" while with a friend who is walking through this mess with me. He has lots of experience helping people...
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    Isolated and alone

    I guess there's always hope, but my life seems to have fallen apart. I'm not sure why after so many years so much has surfaced and is screaming inside me. Today has been an okay day, which is rare. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning and since I'm not working I tend to sleep way...
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    Isolated and alone

    Thanks for your responses. It helps to know that this isolation thing isn't just me...that others struggle too...and maybe there's hope. Maybe.
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    Isolated and alone

    I haven't posted in a long time. Mostly it's fear that is keeping me from posting. I've been isolating myself more and more. I have become afraid to go out and afraid of any social situations. I'm afraid of being rejected and afraid that somehow people can see inside me. What they would see...
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    Am I In Denial?

    I've been trying to break through what seems like DENIAL. I start to feel better with the ptsd symptoms letting up, and then I try to convince myself I don't actually have ptsd. I am on meds now that seem to help stabilize my mood more, but this week I became totally overwhelmed with a deep...
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    Complex Trauma (from Childhood Abuse)

    My challenge/confusion is trying to accept and figure out what is a normal response in various situations. It all seems so hit and miss. And it's exhausting. Especially when I'm with a group of people, I find myself kind of stepping back and looking at the situation and dynamic almost like...
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    Grieving For Who I Never Got To Be

    I have been also grieving. I always knew that my childhood was not "normal". I denied that it had such a deep lasting effect on me, and it's only now that the pain of all the chaos and abuse is surfacing. I have a ptsd workbook that I picked up and the first thing I noticed was what you...
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    Memories And Fear

    Went to my therapist again today. The same thing happened. So much fear that I shut down part of myself. I end up in a very scary "place" inside where I'm all alone. It takes so much to fight it to remember that I'm safe now. This is all so hard. Most of the time it feels too hard.
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    Memories And Fear

    It's been some time since I've posted. I am still pretty fearful about writing anything let alone sharing what I've written. I feel very confused most of the time, especially during therapy sessions. It's like something shuts down, and I enter some kind of surreal world of hiding and fear...
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    We Love Animals

    I went to youtube and typed in "boaters rescue deer in Amherstburg." They have some good footage of the efforts. Definitely inspiring!
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    Fight Or Flight Response

    There are screams in me. Lots of them. I'm afraid to let them out. I'm afraid I will go crazy. And sometimes when I try to say words, they can't come out. They are like sounds that don't make sense. I'm so used to trying to stay in control, and now there are years and years of afraid and...
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    Fight Or Flight Response

    Thanks for all the responses. They are helping me put into words what my reaction was to growing up in a chaotic family with an abusive and alcoholic father. The little girl in me wanted to flee and/or freeze, but I paid no attention to her even though she cowered in the corner in my mind...
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    I Feel Alone

    Thanks this really helped. I have read a bit on the symptoms, but they still seem disconnected from me somehow. It's like there's this part of me that is trying real hard to disconnect. As I read, I can put a check next to the symptoms I have...I have most of them...but what they look like...
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    I Feel Alone

    I was wondering...you said "before the other symptoms started surfacing with memories." What other "surprises" are in store for me? It really makes me scared to think what will come up and not know how it will surface. Sometimes this ptsd seems to have a life of it's own, and I'm just along...
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    I Feel Alone

    I'm slowly feeling less alone and would like to thank the forum for you kind words and support. I still have a long way to go in large part because I don't remember a lot of when I was real little. It seems most of my ptsd symptoms are the result of growing up with a very chaotic and abusive...
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    I Feel Alone

    Thanks for all the posts. I have been away from the forum for a few days. I'm visiting with family and just didn't have the strength to live in the two worlds...my ptsd world and my pretend-self family world. My family doesn't know about the struggle. They still see me as the strong one who...
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    PTSD Is Not Who I Am

    Aine, Thanks for posting. I loved your statement "ptsd is not who I am." Sometimes (most of the time), I am so overwhelmed by the "symptoms" that I think that there is nothing else. Like you, it seems to have taken over my life. It's good to be reminded that ptsd is not who I am, I am so...
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    Car Woes

    It is kind of amusing, just because I know it'll work out. Once I was planning a trip from Ohio to NH and back. The day prior to leaving the brakes started going bad. By the time I finished my trip, they were screeching metal on metal. Another time the night before Thanksgiving I got stuck...
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    Car Woes

    Hi all... Seems like God must have a sense of humor. I'm getting ready to drive down to the States from Canada to be with my family for the holidays. I was having some car issues so decided to take my car for a test run. I broke down about 20 km from home. I think it's a fuel line...
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    Sufferer Short Term Memory Loss?

    I've been very frustrated with my memory problems too. Does memory improve with time as the ptsd is treated? Does taking medication to help the ptsd help with those cortisol levels and therefore memory? I liked being able to remember things and would love to have some of that back. Real
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    I Feel Alone

    Jen, I think what I meant by being real was more like I don't feel like I am real in that I don't even exist. It's weird. It's like this can't be real, I can't be real, like it's all some kind of nightmare. And people who care about me can't be real because I am not worthy of being cared...
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