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  1. PreciousChild

    Must appease the toxic person

    I think part of it is a fawn response, and part of that is exerting some control over the outcome by being laser-focused on and appeasing the scary parent. I think you're on to something about focusing on the self, @Movingforward10, and enforcing boundaries in the here and now. In meditating...
  2. PreciousChild

    Must appease the toxic person

    I think you're absolutely right, @grit. It's frustrating that I keep discovering new dysfunctions. But it is such a strong pull to want to figure things out with them and make things better somehow. But my dad would never be appeased, and neither would these people. I was re-reading Body Keeps...
  3. PreciousChild

    Must appease the toxic person

    I discovered a new cognitive distortion that I would like help thinking through. I realized recently that I become very focused on appeasing the toxic person. For example, my ex was a vulnerable narcissist, and when the relationship ended, though I had no desire at all to ever get back with him...
  4. PreciousChild

    Childlike fear state

    Yay! It almost makes triggers worth it (almost).
  5. PreciousChild

    Distrust

    I thought these were great points: My co-dependency comes from turning my entire attention to my narcissistic father instead of focusing on my own responses and needs. I think your point is good - before trusting the other, you have to be intact and build trust from within. It helps when there...
  6. PreciousChild

    Distrust

    That's interesting, @Mee. I see where you're coming from. But if you're seeing red flags in yourself and others, wouldn't that be a case of distrust? My experience of trust has been to have taken risks with safe people who have affirmed me. That has taken me away from seeking out people who...
  7. PreciousChild

    Distrust

    @RussellSue , good point. I was struck by the fact that you could at least trust your husband. I don't know that I could trust anybody in the entire world before my current bf, which is a sad commentary. My son is different because I see. I think you're right that different things work for...
  8. PreciousChild

    Distrust

    I think people are right to remind us to be realistic and to be cautious, and not to give trust where it is not due. But I think that for most of us who has ptsd and specifically c-ptsd, I don't think we need advice to be less trusting. In specific settings and with specific people, trusting...
  9. PreciousChild

    Childlike fear state

    I remember once I had a period of about 7 months when I felt like I reverted into a semi-permanent triggered state. But I came out of that thinking there was a purpose. I had made a deliberate decision not to distance myself from it, and embrace it (I had just read books on cptsd and wanted to...
  10. PreciousChild

    Distrust

    Thanks for clarifying and elaborating @fern. I totally have felt and done similar things and still do. That experience you were describing about your gf saying nice things to you, but you didn't believe her is something I can relate to. I feel that an old wound gets triggered. Sometime when my...
  11. PreciousChild

    My boyfriend hit me again and I left him

    Sorry to hear this, @EveHarrington. I remember in one post I read some months ago that you had said that he was practically your only friend. It must be hard to deal with the loss of someone who played such a big role in your life. You're really strong for sticking to what is best for you and...
  12. PreciousChild

    Distrust

    That's really great that you can share your intrusive thoughts with your partner. I say do as much of that as possible. Do you think you could elaborate what you mean by not trusting people? Can you give an example, a concrete situation of when you might distrust someone?
  13. PreciousChild

    Is this a form of self injury?

    Thanks for asking, @Allie D. Things have calmed down a lot. The emotion and drama has gone, and my friend's son is on the mend. It's hard to look at him and think he has a death wish. He wants to get better and go back to normal. He got upset that he had to go to his dad's, but even more so now...
  14. PreciousChild

    Gaslighting confusion

    I think it's a definite case of gaslighting.
  15. PreciousChild

    Is this a form of self injury?

    Thank you @kkd and @Friday. @Friday, your comments are always helpful, and sometimes I don't realize it until months down the line. But sometimes something you said will click on like a light. I thought your perspectives were really reasonable, and were confirming of some of the things that I...
  16. PreciousChild

    Is this a form of self injury?

    Thanks so much, @joeylittle. That was a very helpful post. I didn't realize it was a new diagnosis. I just read about it online. I read that it is not a mental illness per se, but as you say, was seen as a feature of more primary mental illness. I read that it was a coping disorder. Her son...
  17. PreciousChild

    Is this a form of self injury?

    Thanks for everyone's replies. I was confused by this situation and I'm getting confirmation that it's not that clear cut. @enough and @Friday, I think you both make a good case, especially given the details that I provided. But can I say that I have a very strong intuition that there is a...
  18. PreciousChild

    Is this a form of self injury?

    I haven't had experience with self injury, and I never heard about it manifesting this way, so I wanted to see if anyone had any insights about this. I have a friend who has a 15 year old teen who is "accident prone." He's already broken 4 bones in his body at different times. His "accidents"...
  19. PreciousChild

    Grateful for love, but it can't be a substitute for self-love

    Thanks for replying, @Widow_of_one. I'm glad to know that there are others out there going through the same thing. Just to update the situation, as usual, my fears and panic had absolutely no basis in truth. The very next time I saw him after my freak out, he was beaming, loving, supportive...
  20. PreciousChild

    Grateful for love, but it can't be a substitute for self-love

    I'm very triggered, and partly intended to write another post about how I fear I've done something to alienate my bf and try to assess the reality of it or is it the ptsd? That happens quite frequently with me because my dad would punish me severely for the most innocuous deeds or words. I grew...
  21. PreciousChild

    Codependency

    I read Codependent No More and re-read a few times. Neither of my parents were alcoholics, but my mom was the daughter of one. Either way, I can relate to the author a lot. I grew up having to fixate on serving my parents, especially my father. Any emotion or needs expressed on my part was met...
  22. PreciousChild

    is he breaking up with me?

    Thanks @Friday. Those are good questions. In the past, he has sometimes been slow to respond to my texts. But usually because of work. He's not working now. I'm not sure why he didn't respond to my texts, but he texted me later that night just to see how I was doing and we had a nice texting...
  23. PreciousChild

    is he breaking up with me?

    I'm so triggered. The other night, I said some pretty harsh things to my bf, and I feel like he's ignoring me today because of it. I basically told him how when I first met him, he said something rude and I told him that I was thinking "F**k you, motherf***ker". I was joking. I was just...
  24. PreciousChild

    It's over...

    @FauxLiz , sounds like a good plan - to keep things normal as possible in the externals while you take care of what you need to. I think it's really hard to extricate oneself from a relationship even a short-term one when you've already started to care about someone. It isn't easy, but stay...
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