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  1. FauxLiz

    Fell way off the wagon last couple of weeks.

    Just over a week ago things were going well. Then I had my weekly session with my T and we were talking about feeling as though we had processed through my primary trauma and it would be good to begin processing one of my next two significant traumas which we had thought would not be as...
  2. FauxLiz

    Holiday guilt trips

    The family guilt trips about all coming together started earlier this year than usual with a group to text to all the siblings from my brother announcing a command performance of family love and unity for Christmas. My therapist has already asked me to really think about how healthy it will be...
  3. FauxLiz

    So F**king frustrating! - Why is it so hard to understand that you don't mess with what works just because you are new?

    So back in March my P-doc informed me that that would be our last session as he was leaving the organization at the end of the month. I don't blame him for leaving as all I have heard from the large practice he was part of was that they were struggling to re-assign his nine hundred yes 900...
  4. FauxLiz

    Going back to school, sort of...

    I haven't taken any classes in 15 years since I finished my master's program but I have reached a point that I want to stop being a generalist in my field and focus on one area. So I have taken the plunge and registered for a certification prep class that will run all fall and will prepare me...
  5. FauxLiz

    Struggling with desire to return to former T

    A couple of years ago I relocated across the state and as a result I had to terminate my long term relationship with my T of four years. One of the primary reasons though not the only was that my insurance was changing and he didn't accept my new insurance. The other major reason was distance...
  6. FauxLiz

    Other Was not prepared for that, can't go back and think I need to report him.

    I went to see the dr today as I have had pain in my ankle/heel area for a couple weeks that felt very similar to when I had tendinitis in the Achilles of the other leg. My PCP dr was great and after a physical inspection and knowing that I made a three hour drive to see him he reached out to a...
  7. FauxLiz

    It's over...

    I have been expecting this since quarantine started, well actually before that but yeah at least the last three months. It wasn't that he was so adamant about not breaking quarantine because we were both essential workers it was that every time I reached out to talk or text he was "exhausted...
  8. FauxLiz

    Turn a bad coping skill into a second income?

    So, these pandemic times of isolation and physical distancing from other people along with other things triggered a maladaptive coping mechanism that I thought I had laid to rest. it is one that because of the sexual nature of it is difficult once triggered to just stop because the endorphin...
  9. FauxLiz

    Video or in person

    My state is going into month three of quarantine and I have been doing telehealth with my therapist since this began but I am struggling lately and some of my maladaptive coping mechanism have been resurfacing. I don't feel as though I can talk as freely with teletherapy and my therapist has...
  10. FauxLiz

    Probably just stress but...

    this pandemic is really getting to me. I am not dealing with the at home isolation that many are as I am an "essential" worker and my organization has been struggling to implement remote work capabilities in the midst of all of these crazy times. I have been working 60-80 hours a week 6-7 days...
  11. FauxLiz

    Fear paralysis, job responsibilities and COVID

    I don't even know how to describe what I have been feeling the past several days other than an almost mental and physical paralysis due to the COVID-19 virus. I am not afraid of the virus, the food shortages, societal panic etc it is because of the responsibilities that come with my job. I am...
  12. FauxLiz

    Accepted new position, now feeling guilty

    Back in October when I took my extended vacation I took time and came to the realization that even though I had a perfectly fine job, with significantly reduced stress, lower cost of living and decent benefits I wasn't happy and there was nothing that could change that would make me happy. I...
  13. FauxLiz

    Nervous about seeing T in person

    My T temporarily relocated for the fall semester and we have been meeting via teletherapy while he was gone. He has now returned and beginning this next week we will be meeting in person again and I am nervous about it. I didn't think that I would be comfortable with teletherapy as I had...
  14. FauxLiz

    Say something positive about spending the holidays alone

    I am am lone for Christmas and New Years this year, it is not the first time and it won't be the last holiday's that I spend alone in my life. Everyone always asks if I am lonely, do I want to come over to their holiday celebration, asks why I don't go to visit my family. But for me the...
  15. FauxLiz

    How to tell my employer

    I have been offered a job interview for a position that would allow me to return to the area I lived before taking my current job. It is a similar position to my current, possibly a little higher pay, maybe less responsibility but very similar. I am trying to figure out how to tell my...
  16. FauxLiz

    Like a thief in the night...

    It comes out of no where and it is like I am drowning. Depression that deep dark hole that sucks you in pulling you down and down further with each breath and I don't know what started it, I thought I was doing okay. The stores have put the holiday decorations out, the Christmas music is...
  17. FauxLiz

    My first kiss in almost a decade

    So I have made it to date number 3, and I got my first kiss from him tonight. It probably seems strange to be excited about it honestly for me it is a huge milestone. This is the first man, guy, boy (what ever age he and I have been) that I have ever dated that I didn't make out with the day...
  18. FauxLiz

    Improving spiritual health...

    As part of the game/treatment plan that my T and I are putting together to enable us to do intensive work while I am on my three week vacation as I have opted not to do inpatient he wants me to develop a consistent daily schedule to keep me focused and to do the work. I wants me to come up with...
  19. FauxLiz

    Disagree with therapist

    Do you ever get the impression that your T is going down a path toward adding a new diagnosis that you completely disagree with and don't know how to bring it up and discuss further without getting overwhelmed and highly agitated? I don't know if part of the struggle is that we are currently...
  20. FauxLiz

    Am I being asked out?

    Okay I think this man I met recently casually asked me out in an email but as I haven't been on a "date" since 1993 and I never dated in the traditional sense before I got married I don't know if I am reading something in to this or not. Background, I am single, hetero, have been divorced and...
  21. FauxLiz

    Do you believe in signs and symbols from the universe?

    I have been struggling a lot the past few weeks and not exactly having a good weekend. I looked up after I finished my book today and hanging from the molding near the ceiling across the room (my bedroom) from me a bat was hanging down. I hate bats but knowing it was the weekend and knowing...
  22. FauxLiz

    Is there such a thing as too casual?

    I have been working with my T for not quite a year and the weather this summer has been warmer and more humid than normal. As a result his office has been borderline uncomfortable temperature wise during many sessions. As someone that works in a professional environment my session is a place I...
  23. FauxLiz

    What excuse would you use?

    My T and P-doc and I are considering a readmission to RO this fall which would mean using three weeks of my vacation time. I don't have STD that would cover my time off from work so that is why I will have to use vacation time. I am trying to develop a plausible reason to tell my board, my...
  24. FauxLiz

    Cooking, Canning, Baking.... Do you do anything that you really enjoy? Want to share recipes?

    The fresh produce is beginning to come in to season where I live particularly fresh fruits, berries and a whole host of other things. It has been a few years since I spent much time doing things that I enjoy and that can be healthy for me. Today, I cleaned and hulled 4 quarts of strawberries...
  25. FauxLiz

    Therapist informed me he is taking extended break

    For four years I felt safe and trusting/trusted with my therapist. Then 11 months ago my life turned upside down I had to relocate for work and it took me 6 months to find a therapist that I thought I could build safety and trust with (after two horrible attempts) so this new therapist and we...
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