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  1. Self-Determined

    Cleaned the sliding glass door

    I wanted to do it over the past week but figured it would be best to clean it in the morning before it got hot and I finally did this morning. I did a good job with vinegar and water spray and two cloths, one to wipe and one to dry. Looking out clean windows at the beautiful plants on my patio...
  2. Self-Determined

    MMJ and teen children

    Hi, This post could probably be filed under the topics of MMJ, Addiction, and Parenting. I’m struggling to gain a foothold on this issue, so please bear with me as I try to work it out. I use MMJ. I have a card with a dx of ptsd. I have been using daily for over 12 years, since I was...
  3. Self-Determined

    I deserve...

    A thread to promote self-acceptance. You fill in the blank. Love Support Joy Peace
  4. Self-Determined

    I can't celebrate accomplishments about routine

    I have been trying to adopt a routine for a while now and struggling mightily. I have massive resistance to it. I got to where I could just try to make sure that I do the things I want to do, without writing them down, and it doesn't really work. Here's my issue. I know that celebrating...
  5. Self-Determined

    How to manage intrusive thoughts?

    I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress in the three years since I started my recovery. I am grateful for what’s present. I can receive love more than before. I can say no or yes and mean it. I can be aware of myself for significant amounts of time every day. Currently the intrusive...
  6. Self-Determined

    The most caring thing I can do for others is not be a bother or burden.

    This has led to complete isolation from everyone in my life except T and my kids. I am fantastic at work and meeting the needs of my students, parents, and teachers. When I am not at work I take care to make sure I do not ever bother or burden anyone. It has become a bad habit. T says it's...
  7. Self-Determined

    Starving feels good.

    Just what it says. The feeling is beyond familiar—it’s comforting. Because it’s better than drawing attention to myself as an infant. The longer I can suppress my needs, the longer I can avoid my abuser. But I don’t need anyone to feed me anymore, now I can feed myself. What false truth is...
  8. Self-Determined

    I like feeling ignored and alone

    It feels familiar and safe, a way of ensuring isolation. Isolation doesn’t always mean safer.
  9. Self-Determined

    Cleaned up my computer

    It was so slow and not running right. I spent $20 and three hours attending to its needs and now it’s all speedy again! I’ve been avoiding so many parts of my personal life so it feels good to pay attention to something that benefits me. Next up... money organizing.
  10. Self-Determined

    Question for people who identify with not having a father

    If for whatever reason you do not have a father... do you have a substitute father? Do you have a man or even a woman in your life who represents a father-figure to you?
  11. Self-Determined

    Not reaching out means I’m a good girl

    I battle this so hard. My mind wants to “reward” me for not reaching out, tell me how great I am. This goes against my goal of seeking connection when I need it. I finally realize that narcissistic abusers contrive to make their emotional supply fear reaching out to others, which makes...
  12. Self-Determined

    Eliminating my abuser will help me

    No it will not. It will not remove any of the shame I feel over my poor coping techniques. It would add to my shame. Going after my abuser would not give me any advantage in healing. This is worth calling the hotline to talk to someone about. I can do it.
  13. Self-Determined

    Need words of affirmation please, sick but afraid to see doctor

    Hi, I got an illness that is hurting so bad. Virus or something. The physical symptoms are massive migraine, sore throat, and coughing. What’s worse is the SI and depression that feel as bad as it ever was. I had been doing really well with those and not experienced any since August, but...
  14. Self-Determined

    Deleted and ignored texts from ex

    So very hard to do, but so very helpful for my mental state!
  15. Self-Determined

    A sexual partner is a temporary person in my life

    I think I found this cognitive distortion in myself. I have worked hard to rewire my brain and define the boundary between a friend and a sexual partner. And I have come to a place where my mind says... a friend is usually long term... and a sexual partner is usually short-term... It sort of...
  16. Self-Determined

    Infant SA and my self worth

    I want to stop believing that my specific trauma exempts me from having self worth. Here is the negative thought loop: When I asked for help as an infant my father sexually abused me sometimes. That early treatment along with his physical abuse and emotional manipulation (and my mother’s...
  17. Self-Determined

    Bonfire—toss your sh*t here

    Here I am building a fire to burn all our sh*t. Whatever you don’t want, are sick of, need to get rid of... throw it in these flames. You can see the fire is not too big right now. I just started it. I’m putting self-pity, insecurities, and shame in there for kindling. Self-doubt, I’ll...
  18. Self-Determined

    What would you make? (like chopped)

    Anyone else like to challenge themselves in the kitchen? Idea for a thread... you post four random ingredients and the next person posts what they would make with those ingredients (like on the tv show “Chopped”—you can add whatever you want as long as you include those ingredients) and then...
  19. Self-Determined

    When a friend doesn’t respond

    When a friend doesn’t respond to your text it’s on them right? Or do some people want you to try to reach out to them? Like they want you to say, “What’s wrong?” Or “I haven’t heard from you” when they drop your text? I have always assumed that a dropped text means no further communication...
  20. Self-Determined

    Avoiding eating

    I’m not anorexic because I don’t care about what my body looks like—for the most part—don’t care if I’m fat or thin. But ever since starting recovery almost a year ago I find it hard to keep eating. I often avoid eating until late in the day then sometimes binge or just eat normal. T...
  21. Self-Determined

    Transference shifted from positive to negative

    9 months with this therapist. Tried talking about transference in the beginning—she said it would go away on its own. It kind of did, more like transformed—from erotic, to maternal, to friend—and never talking about it. Finally told myself to stop avoiding it and brought it up—out of anger—I...
  22. Self-Determined

    Significant other interprets everything as personal

    Yesterday in couples counseling the therapist said to my husband, “You consistently interpret everything she says as a personal reflection of you and it always gets you into trouble, causes you a lot of pain.” That was one insight that helped me immensely, to hear it defined so clearly. She...
  23. Self-Determined

    Believing i can talk to animals

    Animals protected me from my abuser, in a way. In my extreme broken state I believed I was telepathic. When I finally gained self-awareness I rejected telepathy and animal communication. But talking to animals has returned—I think it’s a coping mechanism? When I feel like I am successfully...
  24. Self-Determined

    Is your therapist your friend?

    If your friends are your support system and your therapist is supporting you then is your therapist your friend?
  25. Self-Determined

    Numbing

    In my recovery I have been able to regain a solid sense of strength in my work environment. However, at home I want to numb every second. Today, I became aware of this. I was able to feel the uncomfortable ness for a few seconds. To go into it. That was it. Awareness for a few seconds then...
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