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  1. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    Sorry it's been so long and I'm here being needy again I have sent some emails to T to keep her updated on what's going on with me and sent her a text after to let her know it was sent. (She has said she wants this) I've done a lot of thinking. Life has happened. And now, tomorrow I "see"...
  2. Muttly

    Is your PTSD Cup size changing?

    My stress cup is shrinking. I don't know how I'd be managing if I wasn't working (at a veterinary clinic). But I've been seeing a really shitty side to people. Two days ago I saw a coworker screamed at, because a lady who was early for her appointment had to wait outside. Screaming. We are...
  3. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    I did something hard and went with my gut and not what T or some others and suggested and canceled T for Christmas eve. And I think it was right. I'm dealing with December PTSD stuff. I'm dealing with work short staffing issues. I'm dealing with school. I'm not all twisted about my relationship...
  4. Muttly

    Christmas time ......

    This is the very worst time of year for me. And I used to feel so much of the feelings you do. I finally cut contact with my bio-family because the abuse was continuing and because it was just too triggering. And... over time, my feelings have eased. I still sometimes have that ache. That wish...
  5. Muttly

    What Are You Grateful For Today?

    As always the critters that share my life with me. And the critters who pass through the clinic And my coworkers And the winter solstice And the sun, that will rise once again in a bit giving us llight.
  6. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    I will give a better reply when I can think a bit better. The last couple days have ground me down. Right now, all I want is to not have to see her on Christmas eve. We can sort stuff out at our January appointments. I told her I'd let her know today if I was canceling for sure. I need to just...
  7. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    Well, to be fair, there's been some *brief* slips since then. Nothing like what happened a year ago. And yes, I get expressing concern. To me that isn't felt like what happened. And I get that she missed emails. But what it felt like is I got blasted with "I can't help you" and "you aren't...
  8. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    ok, I just need to suck it up. accept what's happening. fine /// @Sideways I guess I should have asked. Was the issues with your T (phrasing poorly) when you were in the harmful bdsm relationship or later?
  9. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    So yeah, maybe I'm just distorting everything and lying to myself. The thing is what she is holding on to and traumatized about is from a year ago. And when she reacted like that a year ago, I took it onboard and stopped what I was doing. I get that T's are only human. And I'm not saying she's...
  10. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    Yesterday I had the psych nurse appointment. That went well. Then talked to T. Not in a good place today. Don't know how much of that is PTSD stuff since it's my triggery time, how much is just being drained from the appointments yesterday and how much is from the conversation with T. At first...
  11. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    So, T and I have been talking some via phone. We are going to talk tonight and then decide if we keep the 24th. @TruthSeeker Christmas eve, Christmas day and my birthday are my biggest PTSD triggers. I just don't want to add stress to already stressful days. Is too hard. The emails have...
  12. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    I guess a bit, but not a lot helpful with that of late. Part of that is because I haven't seen her much. Part of that is because of the last set of misunderstandings. // She sent me a super long email. I don't really know what to think of it and it got everyone all noisy. It was better than...
  13. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    I guess I haven't been completely honest with my T or myself. A part of my instability of late has been the uncertainty I've felt over my relationship with my T. It's certainly not all of it or even most. But it's added to stress and confusion. I don't want to end my relationship with her, but...
  14. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    Maybe I haven't given a fair representation of her side though? And I know I'm all over the place right now on this. I just... she helped so much in the past. And she really is very kind. I don't get how things could have changed. I guess I have another question. she'd sent us an email with a...
  15. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    Of course now I want to defend her and say how much she's helped us. How she can be really good and insightful and focused
  16. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    @Teamwork I don't think money would solve this. I'm not sure what can solve this. I do wonder it it's part of what created the problem. If her keeping me on at the sliding scale is really too much for her and yet she feels obligated to keep me on because she's a caring person. I guess I don't...
  17. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    As I am having troubles really letting this go, I am going to make a post. I will try not to make it be too long. So background, I have been seeing my T for over 6 or 7 years now. And up until this year it has been good. Starting November of last year my life got hard. I was having significant...
  18. Muttly

    Therapy and Re-enactment - I’m worried

    So, I'm not sure how it will negatively impact therapy. It will need to be addressed in therapy because it's impacting your mental health. It's not realistic to deal with PTSD issues and ignore current issues. But addressing current issues, is also a way of dealing with the PTSD. Understand the...
  19. Muttly

    Revenge, Contempt, Spite: My Life Raft Keeps Eroding

    That's a lot of really hard stuff. Your truth, is worth hanging onto and knowing. It's also worth grasping onto more. Now just what they did and didn't do. But the fact you are enough. No matter what. And you are lovable. No matter what. That you've succeeded and that''s wonderful but being...
  20. Muttly

    Therapy and Re-enactment - I’m worried

    I'm not completely sure why it would negatively impact therapy. If I am missing something, I apologize. If you're relationship with your husband is abusive, that's going to be the first goal in therapy. Getting you safe. After that, therapy is the place to work things out. Talk of your current...
  21. Muttly

    Consent

    Consent is something my T and I have talked about a lot. It doesn't have to be as extreme as cults to get murky for me. To an example more similar to the dance floor... sexual harassment. It all starts as jokes. They are slightly naughty jokes and general and your happy to be included in the...
  22. Muttly

    DID Accepting a dissociative disorder

    I could have written that first post of yours. And sorry, I didn't read the rest. My concentration isn't there right now. I've been working on this stuff with my T for years. My parts and I now communicate and have done a lot of work to cooperate. I shocked my T earlier this year, because I said...
  23. Muttly

    Hot and Cold Therapist UPDATE, termination letter to therapist

    When you say obsession over getting you a job, what do you mean? I'm a little confused. Context also matters. In what context did she say she was trying to get you to a point you don't need her anymore. It is a therapists job to get you well enough that you don't need to see her anymore. We...
  24. Muttly

    ED ED overwhelming

    I will echo what @bellbird said. Find an ED therapist now. I've also been there and the grip an ED can have on you. How are your coping skills outside of the ED? You are going to the ED for a reason and it's going to be very hard to change the behaviors until you have healthy behaviors to take...
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