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  1. Muttly

    Therapy problems- T misunderstanding or I'm lying to myself (long)

    As I am having troubles really letting this go, I am going to make a post. I will try not to make it be too long. So background, I have been seeing my T for over 6 or 7 years now. And up until this year it has been good. Starting November of last year my life got hard. I was having significant...
  2. Muttly

    I make people worry about me

    When I was a kid and I got sick or had something significant wrong, my mom could be really nice. What was always a nice change since she didn't like me very much. Except that after a while, if I was really sick or didn't get better fast enough, she'd get sick or exhausted or super stressed out...
  3. Muttly

    T has cancer

    I just can't. It's all too much. I give the f*%# up. And this is a stupid, selfish post because I'm never around here anymore. And it's all me me me. And this is stupid post because if I am giving up, why am I even bothering to post
  4. Muttly


    So for folks who get into relationships that replay abuse scenarios or in otherwise put themselves in situations that is replaying and perpetuating the cycle of trauma, why do you do it? And how do you break the pattern?
  5. Muttly

    If I wasn't so numb, I might be a mess

    I don't know if this is the right place to post. Right now, I don't feel dysregulated. I am numb or dissociated or something. I don't know. I may be working on getting drunk too, because that's a good idea </sarcasm>. I guess the evidence would say I'm dysregulated. I've cut today. It's been a...
  6. Muttly

    Reached out to T in crisis. Feeling guilty and ashamed

    I guess in some ways the title says it all. We will send our T emails, but we don't in general reach out in full crisis mode. We don't expect a speedy response to emails. Don't necessary expect a response at all. We've lost almost 24 hours in time. We have a vague sense of what we were up to...
  7. Muttly

    Am I wrong?

    Ok, this is probably the worlds most selfish post. So, as some of you know my financial situation isn't good. And then my car broke down and everything got worse. I was stressed. I wasn't going on and on about it to friends but it certainly leaked through at times. So there's this older couple...
  8. Muttly

    Too much stress and money woes and shame

    Short version I am broke and have been for some time. I am actively working to change my situation but as many of you know, it's hard to get out of poverty. I had a plan that looked hopeful. But then my car broke down. It's been broken down for over a month now. The bill to fix it is...
  9. Muttly

    Breaking contact.

    I'm sorry for doing this in a hypothetical way but I'm trying to get some perspective. Ok, so say like there's two brothers. Older and younger. Often times the brothers were really close. As they moved into adulthood there were times one or the other had stuff going on and they weren't close...
  10. Muttly

    Not doing well... whine whine whine

    June is a bad month for me. Lots of triggers around father's day and my birthday. And this month we extra stressed because of financial concerns (Again). And our therapist suggested we work on June issues this year and some insider latched onto the idea. And we found a new part which is super...
  11. Muttly

    Any Pagans? Thinking of taking that path

    It's not a new thought. It's something I've been drawn to for many years (decades?). For a variety of reasons I've never pursued that path but am serious thinking of it this time. Trying to figure out how to begin. Reading recommendations? Other suggestions?
  12. Muttly

    My cat is pretty sick :/

    So my cat has been sick off and on for weeks. He's had a whole variety of symptoms, the biggest being vomiting. At some point he was vomiting so much and hard he was just bringing up bile and blood. I work at a vet clinic which is a blessing right now, since all my cats vet care has been price...
  13. Muttly

    Once coworkers/employer think your dumb, there's no coming back.

    I started at a new job,at a veterinary clinic, not that long ago. The second week we were hit by a major snowstorm and were closed most of the week, so not much training happened. And a lot of stuff piled on. Because of missing work, losing my wallet, etc, my finances were super tight. I'd...
  14. Muttly

    Marilyn Van Derbur: A Survivor Story - I just watched this

    My therapist sent me the link to this video ("Marilyn Van Derbur: A Survivor Story") to watch. we been avoiding but things getting so bad internally didn't seem like it could make it worse. hit us so hard. our dog crawled into our lap pretty early on. he knew we all twisted up and hurt inside...
  15. Muttly

    Advise? Coping with emergency elements of my work

    Ok, I know there's lots of people who have worked in fields where you deal with medical or other type of emergency/crisis type situations that other folks don't encounter. I'm just wondering how you cope with the bad stuff? As some of you probably know I work in a veterinary clinic. And I've had...
  16. Muttly

    Reality Checks Needed - tenant situation

    Ok, I guess I am looking for reality checks. I had a camping trailer that basically got dumped on my property (long story). I posted it for sale a variety of places. Finally, in october a lady and her friend came out to take a look. I sold the trailer as a fixer upper. I told her about the...
  17. Muttly

    I am not enough and this post is wrong

    My latest life issues are mostly self created so I have no right to complain or need help I have needed and gotten help in the past so that proves I am too needy and a burden Making a post or talking to friends about what is going on proves that all I do is complain Making a post or talking to...
  18. Muttly


    Well, I have been trying to avoid this for months. If you look at what they call "debt to income" I am screwed. I left a much better paying job to do something I love. It's vastly better for my mental health. It doesn't pay enough. I have all sorts of medical/therapy bills. After many, many...
  19. Muttly

    Down time, coping, stress and holidays

    So, as some folks here know I've had some major financial worries. Trying to deal with that, working a ton of extra hours, and other every day life stuff overflowed my PTSD cup I guess. I was really seriously considering suicide for a bit. Ugh. That sounds so dramatic. Anyway, I'm better than...
  20. Muttly

    I'm just whining - feeling like I'm at my breaking point

    This is a stupid thread. I just... today I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I was told by a lousy debt counselor last week I should file for bankruptcy. She wasn't helpful and was condescending and I am pretty sure I don't need to file for bankruptcy. So I got into high functioning planning...
  21. Muttly

    My bunny died today

    She came from a hoarding situation. When I took her in, she was taking care of 8 babies. Some of them were hers and some were babies she was fostering because they'd been separated from their mom. She was an outdoor bunny at that point and lived in a hutch. I do think she got taken out of the...
  22. Muttly

    Other The dad's birthday

    I am going to try to make this a constructive thread. I can see my getting all spinny and/or saying too much and running away from it. So... Monday is the dad's birthday. I am pretty sure he's still alive. I would have heard if he died. I've been pushing it out of my brain and pretending it...
  23. Muttly

    Childhood My dad gave me sex stories to read

    I keep wanting to write this and avoiding. Actually, I feel like I need to write it and then avoid. And over and over for about a week. And, I'm still not actually writing it am I. Ok, let me try... So, for those that don't know, I have DID (maybe? probably? Except when I say I don't. Except my...
  24. Muttly

    Thank you Anthony

    Thank you @anthony for all your hard work. Running a site means you often only hear the complete and not the appreciation. Keeping this site open and functional helps so many people!
  25. Muttly

    Lacking feelings of entitlement

    My T has said for years that I lack feelings of entitlement. I hear what she says but it doesn't really stick. And it's hard for me to think entitlement is good. And sometimes I think I have too much entitlement. And other times I know what she means and realize I can act/feel very un-entitled...