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    I’m sick today, so I stayed home from work. I feel kind of dizzy, feel weak, and don’t want to do anything. My eyes feel funny, like I’m really tired. I also feel triggered. I have for 3 days now. I wasn’t able to get into EMDR yesterday because of it. That’s okay, not getting...
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    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Triggered yesterday. Repeating for the last 3 weeks. Fear
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    More Flashbacks, less time to deal with them.

    I'm sick with a cold today and my wife suggested I take some cold medicine. This is triggering. I have a hard time seeing the difference between helping myself and helping my inner children. If I help my inner children I get beat. (Do they? I don't know). I forget where I am and lock up. My...
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    Confronting my mother but don’t want to hurt her

    It took a long time for my mom to talk about the abuse I experienced. She was the primary abuser, but grandpa got his hands on me too. She also was sexually and physically abused by her father. I liked it when she talked about her own abuse, but then she rarely got dramatic. When I talked...
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    Am i wasting my time?

    That's one of the things that made it really hard. I had a bad therapist once who because of the timing set the stage for my trust of other therapists. Of course the trauma also had its impact on my lack of trust. I told this to my current therapist and she really focused on the safety of the...
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    Avoidance: even of things i actually want to do.

    I don't want to take a shower because afterword I will feel slightly better, and that will leave me vulnerable to abuse. The not taking a shower is like putting on a shield. I felt hopeless yesterday. That's why I put on the shield. It keeps me from doing the next right thing. When I do the...
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    Childhood Was i sexually abused by my mother?

    Yes. What you describe is sexual abuse. There doesn't need to be physical contact.
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    Connecting locally

    I go to Alanon to find people who have had to deal with alcoholics. I relate to those people and feel connected, in a limited way. I go to AA because to find other alcoholics. It's one place I belong. The only thing that either of these groups do for my CPTSD is to take away other problems...
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    Childhood What Effects Did You Child Sexual Abuse/ Incest Have On You?

    My egg donor had a go at me, as well as her dad and a cousin. Mom was first when I was 5 and followed up by flashing me and describing her sexual frustrations to me as I got older. By the time grandpa got his hands on me at 6 years old I was numb. There was also a lot of physical abuse, so it...
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    Have you done emdr for years?

    . Totally! I can totally understand your frustration. I've felt that way with all kinds of therapy. I wish I had something better to say than to tell you some of my experience with EMDR. I had to take it slow getting into EMDR. I had an experience through a chaplain's group that was horribly...
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    Body memory - not sure how to release it

    I am terrified of going into a massage therapist. I expect to be re-traumatized. However, I'm working on this stuff in EMDR right now. I really appreciate all of the comments. It feels like they were all for me.
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    Unnatural not to be hyper-vigilant

    All my life I've been hyper-vigilant. Now it's no so bad. In fact sometimes like today I'm not hyper-vigilant at all. I found some solutions at work without getting obsessed with every detail of the problem. It was really a little thing. I fixed some jobs before they became a problem. But...
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    That's a good question. Today the pain of therapy comes when I offer up resistance, and then have to work through it. When I leave therapy I feel like I worked out. I'm exhausted. I often feel the pain of the trauma and of the work out. I can't say the pain of the trauma is getting better...
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    I just watched a video on You Tube that described an experience with being sexually abused. Your Healing from Incest - Kati Morton & Paul Gilmartin At the beginning I listened with skepticism because I'm skeptical about what happened to me. Then Paul described his mom giving him a bath. That...
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    Should I Reach Out?

    Last week I needed to reach out and didn't. I wanted to die. I didn't do anything harmful, but I could have. After I talked to my therapist and let her know what happened I called the local crisis line to ask when I should call them. First he said if I have a plan I should call. Then he...
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    My T Thinks I May Have Been Sexually Abused As A Child.

    I have memories where I have no feelings, so they seem meaningless. I also have huge feelings with no memories. Being sexually abused really messed with my head. For a long time I tried to believe that anything could have caused this dissociation and that I wasn't necessarily sexually...
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    Didn't Remember Her Face

    When I was 13 years old my English teacher read a story about a girl remembering her mother's face. I tried to put myself in the girl's shoes, but couldn't. I couldn't remember my mother's face. I thought hard and could piece together a portrait, but nothing I had any feelings about. It was...
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    Self Worth

    You wrote the kind of thing that goes through my head over and over again. If I criticize your feelings I criticize my own. Truth is, I criticize my own feelings all the time. Thanks for you post. I feel a little less alone.
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    DID Just because i have voices does that mean i have did?

    I told my therapist about the voices a while back. She wouldn't say I was DID even when I said that's what I thought. Yesterday I told her about it again as part of the resistance I have about continuing EMDR. She said I needed to work on my "self-love". She said I should start by telling...
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    Sufferer I would love to find others like me. csa by grandfather, brother, & now learn father is also abuser.

    Glad you are posting. As a child I was sexually abused by my mother and grandfather, and had uncomfortable sexual contact with others. I think abuse like that comes in clusters. People pass the abuse on like a disease. When I get triggered the pain and anger boils up and then I go numb...
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    Emdr Hitting Resistance

    Yesterday in EMDR I felt resistance and tried to push on past it. My therapist gave me some extra time because she saw how frustrated I was. What happened in EMDR yesterday was hard. I went though it over and over again with my past therapist. I would push past my resistance and dive right...
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    Terrible Effects After Second Emdr Session

    Yup. My session 2 weeks ago brought up some really difficult stuff. At the end my therapist asked me if I wanted to do some grounding before I left. I said no, I'd do my normal routine and I'd be fine. Well, I was fine for about 6 hours. Then the anger kicked in. I didn't know it was anger at...
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    Undiagnosed I'm Incredibly Confused...

    Welcome to the forum! I like that. At the bare minimum the emotional abuse you described can cause PTSD. One of the most damaging experiences in my childhood was emotional abuse. When someone says things like "I'm your parent, not your friend" it can be appropriate. But when statements...
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    Relationship Need Advice!!

    That is so true. Her acting like that means she doesn't trust you. And that lack of trust has nothing to do with you, except you were the person closest to her. Right now she needs her walls. I'm afraid you can't do much about that. I also used alcohol to go numb. It worked as medicine for...
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    How To Tell If Flashbacks Are Real Or Not?

    PTSD really messes with memories. This is my experience too. I have been digging around in my childhood for a long time, and slowly things become apparent. In EMDR my target is centered around early childhood sexual abuse. I can remember what my grandfather did, but what my mother did is...