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  1. Sweetpea76

    Relationship I don't know what to do with my wife's CSA

    It sounds like maybe she needs a therapist if she isn’t seeing one, because using you as one isn’t fair. Supporters aren’t equipped to handle all that. Perhaps getting her into treatment will ease the burden for both of you.
  2. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Shutting Me Out & Uncertainty

    ... and it doesn’t make you a bad person if you are NOT OK with it. Just because he has PTSD doesn’t make ghosting/ignoring hurt any less. Mine tends to do this too, but he knows I’m not going to sit around while he ignores me for weeks. I wouldn’t consider that a relationship anymore, and we’ve...
  3. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Shutting Me Out & Uncertainty

    Honestly, you just get used to it. Realizing it has nothing to do with you personally helps.
  4. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Girlfriend with CPTSD Hospitalized for Mental Breakdown, Don't Know What to Do (Long Read)

    You’re not going to be able to do the “right” thing here. There is no right thing to say or do. She isn’t well right now. You cannot defend yourself against delusions. It sucks to be the designated asshole. Of course you want to defend yourself, especially against things that are obviously and...
  5. Sweetpea76

    Relationship My ex with CPTSD blamed me for everything, and I am left feeling like I am nothing.

    I would argue that a 28 year old woman who lets her parents control her life is not mature. That, and blaming everything and everyone for her own actions and decisions when things don’t go her way. As I said before, as much as it hurts now you probably dodged a bullet. In-laws running your...
  6. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Girlfriend pushed me away...

    Actions speak louder than words. I know it’s easy to cling to happy/loving words... but don’t let them cloud your judgement. Is this how you treat the love of your life? Does it matter *why* she is doing these things? She’s doing them regardless. You cannot know if she will ever “get...
  7. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Need Advice - I triggered my girlfriend (PTSD) she broke up with me. Blocked me out of her life.

    Letting go is the stronger thing to do. Chasing after people isn’t romantic or proof of some kind of love. It’s unhealthy. Relationships take two people working together. Sometimes, no matter how much you love somebody, they’re not healthy enough to function in a relationship. You can’t fix...
  8. Sweetpea76

    Relationship PTSD relationship

    You’re going to have to change your mindset about helping with her treatment. You cannot help her with this. You cannot make her go to therapy, you cannot make her take meds, you cannot make her do the work she needs to do. Same thing with “encouraging” or “facilitating”... however you look at...
  9. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Need support-spouse of PTSD sufferer

    Nothing screws with your own sanity like your partner’s mental health crises. Just because he is in this state it doesn’t mean the relationship is over. It means he cannot make it a focus... meanwhile it’s *all* you can focus on because your whole sense of security just blew out the window...
  10. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Need support-spouse of PTSD sufferer

    @BrokenHeat I’m a supporter... I know how confusing it all is. Best advice I can give you is to calm down. Take a step back and breathe. You’re in panic mode, trying to fix and save. Things don’t work that way. This whole thing isn’t about whether he loves you or not, how fast he can get back...
  11. Sweetpea76

    General Wondering if any one has had to do this? Joining partner's therapy.

    I’ve never had that experience with my partner’s therapist, but that actually seems like it would be very helpful. Most of the time it seems like we’re flying a bit blind.
  12. Sweetpea76

    General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

    That has to suck... does being sick set him off worse?
  13. Sweetpea76

    Relationship My ex with CPTSD blamed me for everything, and I am left feeling like I am nothing.

    I know looking for answers is comforting... but its a common supporter trap. “He only slept with her because his PTSD made him feel self destructive”. Nope... he slept with her because he’s a cheating asshole. Doesn’t matter why he thinks it’s OK to cheat. Don’t start excusing crap behaviors...
  14. Sweetpea76

    Relationship My ex with CPTSD blamed me for everything, and I am left feeling like I am nothing.

    Honestly, as bad as it hurts right now, you dodged a bullet. It doesn’t matter why she blames you... she does. You can’t make logical sense out of nonsense. PTSD doesn’t give her an excuse, and honestly I don’t know if I’d even chalk this up to PTSD. This would not be a good way to spend the...
  15. Sweetpea76

    General PTSD & ASD -- Coping with Cancer

    The hardest part about being a supporter is being completely powerless to help or fix. Sometimes it feels like you literally have to sit on your hands and bite your tongue. Although I will say, a lot of times it’s easier to actually take care of logistical things for them if they’ll let you...
  16. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Feeling like I failed my GF

    You didn’t sign up to be unhappy for the rest of your life when you began dating her. Things didn’t work out, and it’s not doing either of you any favors to stay. Even with PTSD, she is an adult and she is the one who is responsible for her mental health, well being, AND relationships. You...
  17. Sweetpea76

    Relationship PTSD Sufferer and Six Months of Space

    Ditto with @LuckiLee Six months of space isn’t a relationship. It doesn’t make you a good person to wait, and a bad person if you don’t. It’s not romantic to wait, especially if you’ve only been dating six months total. I’m glad you realize that. She may not be healthy enough for a...
  18. Sweetpea76

    Relationship I can’t stop being angry at him

    Caregiver burnout and compassion fatigue are very very real. It sucks out loud doing the heavy lifting with very little to no reciprocation or appreciation. It sucks being the target. It sucks not being able to have your own bad days or meltdowns. Even having the joy sucked out of your day...
  19. Sweetpea76

    General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

    We’re personally doing fine financially, but many are not. I’ve been back to work for awhile and vet is on a pension so our income is normal right now. A lot of people are struggling here though. We just do not have the same kind of social safety nets here that other countries do. Covid is so...
  20. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Needing help understanding

    Here’s the deal... you can’t help him. Supporters cannot help or fix. This is a mental illness, and he has to get treatment and work on it himself. You aren’t going to do or say anything that will fix any of it. And you’re right, you cannot avoid saying or doing things that will trigger him...
  21. Sweetpea76

    Relationship Need Advice - I triggered my girlfriend (PTSD) she broke up with me. Blocked me out of her life.

    Ok... as a supporter, you need to change your mindset, or any relationship you will have with her will be codependent and toxic. You have no role to play in it... unless you were the person who abused her and gave her PTSD in the first place. If not, you are not responsible for her mental...
  22. Sweetpea76

    Relationship What do I do after an argument?

    He feels better when he doesn’t talk to his family... but is he stopping the kids from seeing them? If not, I’d leave things be. Family dynamics are a touchy thing, and it’s probably better not to get in the middle. Take the kids over, but don’t get in the middle. He doesn’t have to see or speak...
  23. Sweetpea76

    General How is everybody doing?

    Making the best of things! Almost done shopping and wrapping... my goal is to finish by the time my holiday break from work comes so I can relax and enjoy our low key Christmas this year. I need it after all the stress and Covid-craziness on the job! Vet enjoyed the minimal Thanksgiving... no...
  24. Sweetpea76

    General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

    We’re not in lockdown at all, and the positivity rate in my state is over 15%. Welcome to America. If we all die, oh well. I think that I’ve HAD to get over it, because my job is high exposure, and I have no choice about working remotely. I have to eat, so off to work I go. Vet is finally...
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