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  1. M

    Black and white thinking

    This is a struggle for me. I tend to be extreme in my thinking. It's helped me in recovery from addiction, as I know I cannot gamble anymore & I stick to it. In day to day life, however, it has caused me problems. A good example of this is: 'Don't come on myptsd at all & deactivate my...
  2. M

    Did 10k

    I did a 10k today & I did it in under 50 minutes. Something I’ve wanted to do for a long time & I was able to clear my mind, grit my teeth & carry on!
  3. M

    Telling my family about PTSD.

    So, I have about 10 people who know about PTSD & more who know about my addiction through GA meetings, but my family don't know. For a long time, I've blamed them & myself, hid behind a facade of being ok. They know about some of the trauma, but they have no idea about the longest lasting...
  4. M

    I can't possibly stand up for myself - It wont end well.

    This is a new thing for me. I hope writing it out will help me with it. I feel as though it's impossible for me to stand up for myself & get any kind of boundaries set. No matter what I do, people will just waltz past them. It's as though I'm fundamentally weak... it's just who I am, nothing...
  5. M

    My opinion is worth nothing.

    Making a post about it, makes it real. I honestly believe that what I say is worthless. My T seems to think that I didn't have a voice as a kid & addiction problems as an adult confirmed this. 'No matter what I say or do, no-one hears me' is the thought running through my mind. As a...
  6. M

    Building a sense of self

    I've realised today that I don't know myself outside of talking with my Dad out of his abusive relationships. It's been a huge part of my life for the past 15 years, I'm now setting boundaries so they aren't a part of my life anymore. My question is about moving forward. I don't know myself...
  7. M

    I launched a website.

    I launched my new business on Friday. It's been a long time coming, I've developed the product & site! I won't share a link to preserve anonymity, but it is a good accomplishment & hopefully the start of better things to come!
  8. M

    General Relationship with Dad.

    Up until now, I've posted solely on the sufferer side of the forum, as I suffer with PTSD. My Dad has had trauma in his life for a pretty long time, so have I. We've been through a lot of trauma together. We witnessed my Moms death when I was 11 & he subsequently got into abusive...
  9. M

    Relationship with Dad advice - shared trauma, feel like I'm abandoning him.

    Me & my Dad have been through a lot of stuff together, we witnessed my Mom die nearly 15 years ago. She was terribly ill before that, she was in & out of hospital pretty much since I was born to her death. My Dad then embarked on several relationships throughout my teenage years, one in...
  10. M

    Ordered a new car today!

    I had a severe gambling addiction 6 years ago, that left my credit in tatter & unable to borrow money from anywhere. Today I ordered a new car in my name, it's a good day!
  11. M

    Family breaking down the more I heal.

    I got diagnosed with PTSD late last year & at the time I was so confused I didn't really get why. I ran away from my T for 6 months, but since June I've really been trying hard to understand my issues & sort them out. The more I do this, the further I seem to be away from my family. Basically...
  12. M

    Maladaptive daydreaming!

    I need to get this off my chest. I've daydreaming for as long as I can remember. I remember being in my football kit running up & down the drive for hours in various fantasy lands. I daydream for hours EVERY, SINGLE, DAY. The exception is a roughly 60 day period when I come here. I think...
  13. M

    Survivors guilt.

    Good morning, afternoon or night, wherever you are! My Mom died when I was 11, as a byproduct of severe Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). Her Arthritis got a lot worse during pregnancy with me. In my lifetime she had at least 9 major operations. I think I feel a lot of guilt for causing her pain...
  14. M

    Has anyone felt an 'awakening' of a part?

    I'm Marvel, 26, PTSD from multiple traumas, mainly my Moms death, witnessing an abusive relationship over 5 years as a child & bullying when I was 6. The past 24 hours have been bizarre to me. I feel like a part of me has woken up. I've maladaptive daydreamed for a long time, but have managed...
  15. M

    A day of multiple accomplishments!

    Today I have gained a healthy perspective of my family & truly feel reborn. 14 years of dysfunction & I’ve finally done it! I’ve also been passed off for a social media diploma I’ve been doing for the past year! Happy days!
  16. M

    Family issues.

    This is tough for me to write. My Mom died 14 years ago & she was severely disabled. She required a lot of support from family & I am eternally grateful for the support we had while she was alive. After my Mom died, everything fell apart. We went from being a family who saw a lot of each...
  17. M

    Childhood Is it traumatic having a seriously ill parent?

    My Mom had severe Rheumatoid Arthritis which she was diagnosed with at 17. She had me at 27 & it went from bad to extremely severe. She had 3 ankle replacements, 3 hip replacements, 3 knee replacement & a neck fusion whilst I was alive. I spent a lot of time in the hospital visitng her when I...
  18. M

    Alternative to conventional talking therapies?

    I've been to 5 different therapists in the past 6 years & I really struggle to trust them or get anything out of the sessions. My distrust for people in the medical field goes back years & I think it's actually part of my trauma. My Mom died whilst she was on the waiting list for an...
  19. M

    Dysfunctional relationship with my dad - shared trauma!

    Background - I'm 26 & my Dad is 50. My Mom died in 2004, which we both witnessed & my Dad has had abusive relationships since then. One in particular was really bad & exposed me to more trauma. We have a business together & have had for the past 8 years. I don't live with him right now. My...
  20. M

    Death Mom died 14 years ago - still can't feel anything.

    Even typing this is tough for me, but I've got to do it. My Mom died in June 2004, pretty suddenly. She suffered with severe Rheumatoid Arthritis & died due to a heart valve failing. It was related to her arthritis. I was 11 when she died. In my lifetime she had 10 major operations & wasn't...
  21. M

    Trauma anniversary

    I’m new to this forum & it’s the anniversary of my Moms death today. Even typing that out I feel like I want to avoid it & run away! I feel anxious. My Mom died 14 years ago suddenly. I was 11 & I heard it happen in the next room. I remember being in bed sobbing unconsolobly, knowing deep down...
  22. M

    Sufferer Whats brought me here! childhood trauma.

    I lost my Mum in 2004 when I was 11 & have been subject to ongoing emotional abuse pretty much since then. My Mom was ill constantly after having me, she suffered from an autoimmune disease & was constantly in/out of hospital. My Dad has had several toxic relationships since my Mom, which...
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