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  1. woodsy1

    Do you get convulsion-like shaking?

    So I went to see some old friends Friday night. We had a good time. But boy did I pay for it. Once during our conversation we came across some topic which my body told me I didn't want to talk about. I don't remember the topic, just my body reaction. I shook violently and uncontrollably for...
  2. woodsy1

    Spilling my Beans

    So, I've never written a trauma diary before. I doubt I'll immediately identify a specific focus here. I'm just writing. I spent the last two weeks thinking I was avoiding processing. It happens anyhow. Can't seem to stop my mind from continually tormenting me. I guess I might as well...
  3. woodsy1

    “That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry.”

    Hulk. lol. Bruce finally learned to deal with his "condition." I think this is part of the "secret" to living with PTSD. It may not be anger. Maybe it is. Or it's fear. Self defeating thoughts. Catastrophizing. Avoidance. Just feeling generally like crap all the time. Sometimes I do...
  4. woodsy1

    You all keep me going

    Just living day to day with C-PTSD can be a real struggle. I've got to keep my mind constantly or be passed out. Not much in between. There are always symptoms to deal with. I rarely ever feel "good." (Unless I'm highly medicated in some way). I rarely ever feel relaxed. Mostly my body is...
  5. woodsy1

    I wish I could play poker

    I really like playing Texas Hold'em on my Android. Turns out I'm actually pretty good at it. It hyper-focuses me so I don't have to deal with my thoughts. Anyhow, currently internet sucks at my house. I'm on Satellite, so it's about dial-up speed most of the time. And it's splotchy. This...
  6. woodsy1

    How do you create a meaningful relationship online?

    Maybe it's a little different for each of us? I find meaning in all our discussion here. It's one of the only communities where I feel safe and understood.
  7. woodsy1

    Tired of Processing

    A time for everything, right? I've been processing stuff almost non-stop for about a month. I just restarted therapy about 3 weeks ago. I've got an appointment in about an hour from now. But I'm currently all processed out. It's almost like writer's block. I've simply hit a wall. I just...
  8. woodsy1

    Playing Keyboard is Therapuetic

    I find playing keyboard (Piano) to be very therapuetic. The feeling it invokes, kinda reminds me that I'm still human. Maybe you can relate. I've attached one of my favorite love songs. Since Spidey can't be close to Mary Jane, I'll just share this song with you. I think she knows. Woodsy
  9. woodsy1

    Just Call me Spiderman

    There was a time when I was confident that I knew myself. I was friendly, emotionally stable, happy, had a positive outlook, maintained healthy friendships, gave of myself for others, and could do anything I put my mind to. I worked hard at people-helping jobs, and had a vision to be a...
  10. woodsy1

    Owning my Part in a Broken Relationship

    Hello Friends, So, as you may know from my other threads, I have suffered a lot of abuse. In the aftermath, I spent 6 years basically self isolated in my house so stricken with Social Anxiety (among other things) that I just could not even function in the outside world. Just coming out of...
  11. woodsy1

    Happy Thanksgiving Week

    Happy Thanksgiving week to all, I know it can sometimes be hard to find things to feel thankful for when our trauma has us feeling like walking death. Just the same, I hope you find something to be thankful for this week and someone to share it with. If you can't find anyone else, then share...
  12. woodsy1

    Totally Refractory - Anyone Else Find That Absolutely No Meds Help?!?

    Anyone else find that Absolutely NO MEDS HELP?!? This is my second bout with PTSD that was diagnosed as MDD the first time around. Both times, I tried practically every med in the book, and then some. Most of the them made me feel exponentially worse or had horrific side effects. One...
  13. woodsy1

    Sob Story Friends

    I remember as a kid always swapping sob stories with new friends. That seems to be how we got to know each other. It's almost like we were in a competition to see who had the worst history. In the end it didn't matter who's story reigned supreme; what mattered was that through the process we...
  14. woodsy1

    Damaged, Defective, and Dangerous!

    Damaged, Defective and Dangerous After having spent 12 years under abusive rearing, 18 years in an abusive spiritual group, and 12 years in an abusive marriage, and 6 years in near total isolation, I’ve been giving some thought lately to relationship. There are different levels of relationship...
  15. woodsy1

    Sufferer 50 Year Old, Childhood Abuse + Spiritual Abuse + Spousal Abuse (Complex PTSD)

    Hello Fellow Survivors, I go by Woodsy on these forums. I'm glad to meet you. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I was abused from birth to age 12 by an alcoholic father. I saw some pretty crazy stuff in Desert Shield/Storm. Then I later suffered spiritual abuse for 18 years. As if that...