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  1. H

    Ramblings and musings

    Nothing is important to me... Nothing? Even with the pure joy that love brings you? I know. It's just been hard.
  2. H

    Ramblings and musings

    I got control over my behavior and that's awesome. It gives me confidence. What I want to do is lessen some other symptoms. My migraine frequency has increased. Anxiety still creeps up and manifests in exhaustion. Sometimes, I'll be emotionally exhausted and sometimes physically. Ptsd makes...
  3. H

    News Worldwide impact of the novel coronavirus (covid-19)

    Yes. I think can wear those because, I tried similar things before with no problem. Eye protection and once a welding mask. It was before all this though and I never thought of it. I'll look into them. Thanks!
  4. H

    Ramblings and musings

    I'm kinda mad that the one person who was there that I instinctively felt would protect me is also the person that makes dealing with ptsd and fostering a healthy family life more difficult. This place is not for her. It's a space for me. I won't regret getting it off my chest. I love her and...
  5. H

    Ramblings and musings

    Lordy, give me strength, peace of mind and wisdom. The she-devil is trying to use me to hurt my niece and nephew's mother. Apparently their mother is throwing a birthday party next weekend. So, what's a normal response? I'd imagine something like, "That sounds like fun. How can we help?" Right...
  6. H

    News Worldwide impact of the novel coronavirus (covid-19)

    I can't wear a mask. I try to stay six feet (should be eight feet) away from people if I have to go out. I get reports that employees only put on masks if they see customers wearing them to avoid the hassle of being harrassed. All the assumptions made about non-mask wearers isn't fair. I seen a...
  7. H

    Other PMS/menstruation and PTSD

    Perhaps, it is the over full cup theory. The ptsd cup explanation, by Anthony The more stress you have the more likely your symptoms will flare. So in theory, treating ptsd symptoms will lessen the odds that pms will make those symptoms worse. That being said, there is a condition that makes pms...
  8. H

    Ramblings and musings

    I'm grateful to and blame my parents. I'm grateful that they loved me and supported me. I'm angry that they were selfish and their lack of discernment led to me being assaulted as a child. I'm angry that my mother is obnoxiously loud in public and gaslights me. I'm angry my mother manipulates...
  9. H

    Regret disclosing abusive past

    My husband grieved for me too. You're stronger than you realize and there's a chance he'll see that too. Try to focus on your goals and taking good care of yourself.
  10. H

    Worried Sick Literally Over My Dog

    I'm sorry that your dog is going through this. He probably recieved intravenous fluids at the emergency vet last night which will let his pancreas rest. Follow their instructions and do not feed him yet. Vets and pet emergency work similar to people. They would not have sent you home if they...
  11. H

    Ramblings and musings

    I know that knowledge of what I've been through is a burden. To have another show compassion for my sufferings and yet see me when they look at me was not something I thought I'd ever experience. For years it was either the trauma or me and I choose me. But, the past was always there. In my body...
  12. H

    Ramblings and musings

    I don't really know why I'm here. I'm not currently interested in social media. Perhaps, I liked the idea. A place to analyze my behavior and thought patterns. I think some things could be helpful or a waste of time. So maybe I'll keep on or disappear from here and try to forge my life. I do...
  13. H

    Ptsd poetry anyone?

    I wrote this when dissociation was becoming a problem for me. I don't know how long I've been standing there or how many times I've washed my hair. When I pull myself from the memories, the what-ifs, the could've beens. From memories to things that can only exist for from reality. Even the...
  14. H

    Today my “coworker” (my pet)...

    Today my coworker has made it her mission to steal my other coworker's lunch. She's very sneaky and seems to love getting busted. I pick her up and she stretches her legs out like she's flying on the way over to her bowl. We started calling it her food lift. Note: they get the exact same food...
  15. H

    Urge to open up.

    Oh no, not for me. I get rather tight lipped and then fade away. ? I'm still working on that. But, I'll keep in mind not to over share since I'm dipping my toes in social waters. No need to jump in.
  16. H

    News Worldwide impact of the novel coronavirus (covid-19)

    Empty aisles are starting to get to me. I turned my frustration to appreciation when I saw that the limits per customer are stronger. I thanked them for stopping the hoarding and scalping. People actually need those products and they are making sure they get them. Unemployment going up is...
  17. H

    Urge to open up.

    Very much, thank you. I think I was overthinking it a bit. Making friends is something I move slowly with. I'm more likely to ghost. I'll try not to and see how it goes.
  18. H

    Urge to open up.

    I've made a few acquaintances. They'll share things about themselves and I may comment, joke or change the subject. I've been told about diabetes, speech impediment, etc. I feel like I want to reciprocate for some reason and when appropriate share that I have ptsd. Only I am fearful of social...
  19. H

    I wanted to do more today.

    I've done alot lately. I did alot today. I can feel my stress levels fluctuating and just wish I had more room in my cup without having to put my wellbeing first. The positive things that are supposed to help empty my cup may be just enough to keep me going. I'm stressed, exhausted and want to...
  20. H

    Intrusive memories can be stubborn

    Thank you. I have found CBT therapy to be very helpful. These moments are passing and even fleeting. I am just dismayed that it's ever happened and of the long term effects of trauma we live with. It can get depressing sometimes. I guess that's to be expected. "Broken to the core" relates to...
  21. H

    Ignoring anxiety symptoms

    I've been doing pretty good. Living life and making every meal for a few weeks now (except for one cheat meal). I'm not surprised by the anxiety that's been creeping on. Not really annoyed. I'm just kinda glad that I'm on the other side of the big wave, watching it travel further away and...
  22. H

    Intrusive memories can be stubborn

    Last week: I feel broken but, somehow am pulling parts of life off. I need to make plans for when I can't plan. Then bad days will be easier because, I'll have backups. Music used to push out the ruminating thoughts. Then they came anyway. I opted for silence and guess who's back. The belief...
  23. H

    Exhaustion and Exposure therapy

    I'm still taking baby steps here and made enough progress to not feel bad for choosing solitude. Before an invite would bring on an urge for being "normal", followed by anxiety then shame and guilt. Now I just think, "Not today, friend. I'd like to be alone for now." On the part of confronting...
  24. H

    What exactly "is" dysregulation?

    I'm not exactly sure. I thought it was what made me want to cry when overwhelmed. I hate crying, btw. I thought it was emotional dysregulation at little things that wouldn't normally bother me.
  25. H

    CBTi experiences?

    I forgo testimonials in favor of research. I like large numbers for pooling results and a control group to compare results to. I also like to see as many variables taken into account as possible. See if you can find any research on CBT and insomnia. I would surmise that CBT would help with...